You know what I love? Sewage. Lots and lots of raw sewage.
And I'm in luck, because when you're in Washington, you're soaking in it! For example: the C&O Canal park? Smells like sewage. Apparently, the park sits atop a big long sewage pipe. Doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Somehow, some way, Pierre L'Enfant is to blame.
You know what doesn't smell good in hot, July weather combined with the high humidity that comes from living in a swampy climate?
How about that Anacostia river? Oh, yeah, guess what's in it? I'm thinking that it might be sewage. Maybe the most disturbing statistic ever: about 740 million gallons have already flowed into the Anacostia this year. WOW that's a lot of crap. The problem is that D.C.'s infrastructure can't handle more than half and inch of rain before overflowing. You can't swim or fish in the river without risking serious health problems. Appropriately, most of the sewage comes from federal buildings, including Congress.
And guess what's in the Potomac? It's... gender-confused fish? Ummm... that's not good. Male fish are laying eggs. And that's our drinking water, too. Is it turning all of us into biological females? That would explain our collective lack of driving ability. OHHHH NO I DINNNNNT! Ohhh, my misogyny is hilarious.
Well, I guess that takes care of every possible body of water. They're all polluted. Why stop there? There are so many other aspects of our environment to defile. For one thing, animals at the National Zoo still aren't safe. An emu, a lion, a lemur, an orangutan, a Komodo dragon and a partidge in a pear tree have all perished before their times. So at least there's some variety in which animals are dying... a zoo should have variety. Maybe they should just ditch the whole "zoo" concept and change it to "taxidermy museum."
Oh, and don't forget global warming. Washington is doing its part! That EPA aide who dumbed down a global warming report got a job with Exxon-Mobil, the leader in funding global warming "skeptic" scientists. Should have seen that coming... there's nothing quite like retroactive bribery. And Twinkie the Kid is still dragging his feet on reducing greenhouse gasses. Four-plus years after pulling out of Kyoto, we've made absolutely no progress.
The way I see it, in the future, if we don't become the Road Warrior society first, we'll surely become the Waterworld society, which obviously is even worse. Kevin Costner + gills... brrrrr. I'm SO not having kids.