Hooray for guns

An Anacostia High School junior, apparently an innocent bystander, was fatally shot in front of the school.

Meanwhile, three miles away at the Capitol, an office building was locked down and the House of Representatives forced into recess after a toy gun meant to be part of a Halloween costume made it through security.

Calvert Plans to Limit New Homes

Previously rural counties like Calvert in Maryland and Loudon in Virginia have a habit of enacting strict slow-growth policies, limiting the number of residential developments that can be built.

Sadly, Washington has a habit of attracting people to come here to work, and is one of the few places in the country where unemployment is relatively low. As more people come to live here... they have no place to live, because all these suburban counties won't let them build homes. So property values go up because the supply of homes is low. And thus, people move even further and further out in an attempt to find affordable housing, thus clogging the roads of the slow-growth counties anyway.

The only way to limit growth is to stop being so attractive to potential workers. Fewer new jobs would mean fewer new residents and slower growth. But since everybody wants more new jobs in order to spur on the economy, population growth is going to continue whether these outlying counties want it or not.

D.C. Metro is Ghetto Rich

That is to say, spending money on luxuries it can't afford.

Metro has spent nearly $1 million on a writing coach for its lawyers, a class to teach integrity and trust to managers and other unusual projects at a time when the system is contemplating another fare increase and wants more local tax dollars.
That integrity and trust class sounds like a blast:

One participant, who spoke on condition of anonymity, called the training a waste of time. "Everybody in our office said, 'Why are we here?' " the employee said. "There's no substance. What were they trying to get us to do -- trust other people or have other people trust us? Not only does it cost the authority money, it costs us time away from work."


It's Halloween. The scariest part will be trying to navigate through Adams Morgan at 11 p.m. tonight trying to get to a party. [shiver]


Democrats Shake Their Booty

I don't even... I can't... I'm speechless. I don't know.

The funny thing is, I'll bet the people who went clubbing at this fundraiser think they're the shit because they got to hang out with quasi-celebrities like Biz Markie and the creepy lobbyist from "K Street" on HBO.

Two years, man

Two years ago today, I started working at my current job.

And it's all right. Probably about the best I could hope for given the current economic climate. We moved here in the midst of very bad economic times, August 2001, so that my wife could attend graduate school.

I started sending out resumes to Washington-area companies in March. I got absolutely no response. Some of my resumes were eventually returned in the mail because the company or headhunter I'd sent them to had gone out of business. When it finally came time to move, I still had no job, but figured it might be a little easier if I had a Washington address. No such luck; every week I would frantically comb the Post classifieds and Internet job websites for a software engineering position I was qualified for, but when I would find one and send a resume out, I got no response.

This continued for weeks. I would send out 20 resumes and cover letters in a week, and get nothing in response. Once, I did get a response to an ad that promised opportunities in database programming; it turned out be just a shill for a class at Rockwell "University" and not an actual job.

9/11 didn't make the job situation better, and just made me more stressed. Then, a virus ate most of the data on my hard drive, including the contacts I had saved. I think that during the couple days it took me to reconfigure my computer, I finally reached my breaking point at about 4 a.m. I was absolutely destitute; there was no way we'd be able to pay the rent on our apartment for more than four months without going broke, especially after being ripped off by the movers. I cried and cursed myself for moving to Washington; away from a steady job, away from friends, and into serious financial difficulties.

Finally, in mid-October, I found a listing on a website that sounded right up my alley, for a software job requiring a master's degree but no experience. I sent out a resume at 2 a.m. and was surprised to actually get an actual phone call, from an actual human being who had read my resume, the next morning. I interviewed, they liked me (of course), and I took the job.

And that's how I landed a job in Washington; after my first and only job interview.

Two years later, I'm still here. It's actually a good place to work and I shouldn't complain much; the hours are very flexible, good benefits, a good amount of vacation time, etc.

But man, it can really get boring. I'm in a windowless office, and basically contracting to do government work; I didn't realize that it was possible to create that many acronyms. There are literally over a hundred acronyms I have to remember in order to do this job; some of them spell funny words; some of them don't spell actually words but you pronounce them like they do. Many of them are just random conflagrations of letters that make little sense.

I guess the disappointing part of working here is that I always envisioned myself doing something a little more creative. I've got the computer skillz, but I also always enjoyed writing and designing things; I've got to get my left brain working as well as my right brain to keep myself happy. I could totally do something related to film/video that involves computers, like computer animation, or creating video games. I think I would love that.

But clearly, Washington is not the place to go if you want to do something creative. With all the monolithic government jobs and bulildings, this city is like a giant iron that flattens out the wrinkles in your brain and keeps you from thinking. I just hope that, when this is all over and I finally get out of town, I'll still be able to pursue my dream of creating things that other people can enjoy; I hope that I'll still have some wrinkles left up there.


Welcome to the D.C., bitch

Yeah, guess I'll have to rescind my compliments of this blog. Basically he takes me to task for whining about my lack of going into D.C. much lately.

Washington has one of the fastest, cleanest and newest subway systems in the world, designed to move people in, out and around the city.
Oh, you mean this Metro? The one that arrests people for eating french fries?

The last time I went to Lauriol Plaza, it was a Saturday, and I had to drive because I was working a football game in D.C. earlier in the afternoon.

But let's see what would happen if I did take Metro on a Saturday afternoon, which I have often done. It's about a 10-minute walk from my apartment to the closest station. According to the rail timetable, trains run every 12 minutes on Saturday from my station, so figure an average of 6 minutes waiting. Fifteen minutes to get to Metro Center, where I wait for a train to Dupont Circle, average wait three minutes, to get to Dupont, average travel time three minutes. Then, figure about 15 minutes total getting-up-the-escaltor-and-walking-to-the-restaurant time. Thaaaaat's... about 52 minutes travel time. To go 3.7 fucking miles. That is fast!!!...? No. It's three times longer than it would take for me to get there by car, even if there was traffic.

Also, is traffic really better in Virginia? There words: Woodrow Wilson Bridge. Two more words: Mixing Bowl.
Since when have I defended Virginia traffic? Make no mistake about it: I FUCKING HATE VIRGINIA TRAFFIC AS MUCH AS I FUCKING HATE D.C. TRAFFIC AS MUCH AS I FUCKING HATE MARYLAND TRAFFIC. Have I ever once defended Virginia as a decent place to live? Jesus fucking Christ on a crutch, last Friday night it took me 2 hours 15 minutes to drive 40 miles down I-95 into Stafford County. REST ASSURED I DID NOT FUCKING ENJOY IT.

Don't let the title of this blog fool you; I hate the whole fucking shebang, and not just D.C. proper.

As for the crime rate – well, I don’t know where his party is, but I think it’s safe to assume it’s not in gang territory.
No, it's not. But, on the off chance that I do run into trouble and, heaven forbid, need the police, I would clearly be fucked. The ineptitude of D.C. public servants has been well-documented on this selfsame blog.

If he truly wants to live in a "vibrant, metropolitan city" with no crime and no traffic, he's dreaming.
I can live with crime and traffic to an extent, if the city is indeed vibrant and metropolitan, and I have in the past. I'm more than willing to balance the bad with the good. But here, there is no good.

And that's why I have... this blog. So that I may whine about the seemingly infinite supply of things I hate. I know it's whiny and self-absorbed. But, by definition, that can't really be helped, can it?

Oh, and one more thing...

Still, James has every right to avoid Washington while complaining about it from afar.
This always drives me nuts. I tell D.C. or Maryland people I live in Arlington, and I might as well have told them I live in Kentucky. Complaining about it from "afar"? I'm two fucking miles away. By all rights, a young person like me should be able to enjoy and take part in what a downtown area like D.C. has to offer.

Instead, apparently I'm a fucking prude because I no longer have the wherewithal to get out of the suburbs and deal with you yuppie motherfuckers. Well, fine. If anyone needs me, I'll be sitting in my shitty suburban apartment, counting down the days until I can leave this vibrant, metropolitan hellhole.

Tired of being ripped off

Blah. I rented a video from my neighborhood Hollywood Video (on Wilson Blvd. in Arlington), watched it, and returned it in the drop box in the morning. The next day I get a cryptic call from an unnamed employee saying the box was missing its DVD.

I'm not the kind of person to forget something like that, especially considering I used to work in a video store myself. I looked around the house and car in case I'd misplaced the disc, but to no avail.

Naturally, nobody I call can help me, and they all refer me to the store manager, who's only around on weekdays. I was dreading the confrontation, but it went about as well as I could have hoped; he only charged me $10 for the missing disc and called it square.

But still, blah. I know I returned the disc in the drop box about an hour before they opened, which probably means that one of their employees either misplaced the disc or outright stole it, but I couldn't convince the store manager that I hadn't just misplaced it somewhere like a moron.

Oh, and you'll be glad to know that my situation fulfilled Murphy's Law of Video Rentals: that the film you lose and wind up having to pay for is as embarrassing to your psyche as possible.

Now that I've closed my account there to prevent further rip-offs (and I'm still getting letters from the corporate office telling me to return the video), I'm not sure what to do about renting movies. Maybe Netflix, although I hear it has its issues as well. I've been to Video Vault in Alexandria, which reminds me somewhat of my beloved Movies Worth Seeing in Atlanta, but the distance and lack of accessibility (little parking and short hours), combined with short rental period and annual membership fee (!) keep me from frequenting that store, quirky as it may be.

I suppose it was bound to happen

The Washington Times ran an editorial today entitled "With us, or with the terrorists".

Perhaps they'll want to look into purchasing one of those Ann Coulter action figures.

D.C. Schools Overpaid Contractor, Audit Finds

Wow, money is being misspent in the D.C. public school system? That never happens.

Dirty money

The state of Ohio sued America Online Inc. yesterday, alleging that the Internet service deceived more than 250 customers by continuing to bill them after they called to cancel their monthly subscriptions.
If you can't get people to subscribe to your service, just cheat the money out of them, I guess.

Delays, 'Missteps' Kept Man In D.C. Jail

A schizophrenic man charged with minor parole violations has spent nearly two years at the D.C. jail because of repeated delays in providing him with a proper mental evaluation, a series of mistakes that a federal judge yesterday called "egregious."
Pray that you never have to be at the mercy of D.C. law enforcement, or the Public Defender Service, which "lost track of their client." Fucking morons, every one.

This is similar to a situation where a deaf schizophrenic man was wrongfully imprisoned from October 1999 through August 2001. Clearly the D.C. prisons didn't learn their lesson.


Twenty-four Officers Have Faced Charges in 2003

It's one thing to be incompetent, which the D.C. police clearly are. It turns out that many of them are criminals, too. Fantastic.

Somebody's majoring in robbery

"Nerves are getting frayed at the University of Maryland's College Park campus, which is now the scene of seven armed robberies this semester. Students and teachers have been the victims of the attacks, including the latest early Friday morning."

Oh, and also, Georgia Tech 7, Maryland 3. Nyahhh.

It's time to play "What's More Sad?"

Is it the fact that the Redskins want to sign Danny Wuerffel? Or that the currently unemployed quarterback doesn't want to play for them?


Unlovable losers

The Redskins are officially a disgrace to football.

Two consultants were brought in to "help" Spurrier, presumably against his will, and presumably by owner Daniel Snyder. Starting linebacker and NFLPA self-exile LaVar Arrington (a.k.a. "LB #56" to those of us who play Madden) criticized his teammates for not taking last week's third straight loss seriously enough. The situation is so bad at quarterback that the team is thinking of re-signing Danny Wuerffel... again. Woo-hoo.

Meanwhile, according to this story in the New York Times entitled "Redskins Slipping Away From Spurrier," players are being cut by the front office without the coaches knowing about it:

The Redskins' special teams coach, Mike Stock, was analyzing game video with several special teams players, telling defensive lineman Ladairis Jackson what he did right on a play and what he did wrong.

Finally, one of the Redskins spoke up and said of Jackson: "Coach, he's not here. He's been cut."

The players realized instantly that Stock did not know it. They believed Coach Steve Spurrier, who was reportedly also in the meeting, did not know it, either.
Hilarious. Wonder if I can sell the rest of my tickets for this year?

In hockey news, whiny Jaromir Jagr is making roughly a bazillion dollars, but he the Capitals are in the midst of their traditional October slumber, going 1-4-1 so far.

Also, Abe Pollin explains that he had to fire Michael Jordan from the Wizards, because the rest of the players on the roster didn't get along with him. Call me crazy, but if your marginally talented players aren't getting along with the best basketball player in history, maybe you should find new players rather than firing the one good one.

And that's sports in Washington. Hmmm... on second thought, maybe don't bring a baseball team here. We don't need more sports-related disgrace heaped on top of what we already have.

E-mail link fixed

Hey loyal readers,

My old e-mail account expired and I forgot to fix the link on this page. It's fixed now. My apologies to anyone who's been trying to send me mail.


Monday, bloody Monday

"Three people were killed in separate incidents in Washington between Monday night and yesterday morning, D.C. police said."

• About 11:25 p.m. Monday, Joseph D. Patterson, 24, was found shot in the head, sitting in the driver's seat of a Honda at 61st and Banks streets NE. Patterson, of the 3500 block of Stanton Road SE, died at the scene.

• About 11:40 p.m. Monday, Mario A. Johnson, 26, was shot in the 4600 block of Hunt Place NE, police said. Johnson, whose address was not known, was pronounced dead shortly afterward.

• At 3:55 a.m. yesterday, police found Wilton Anderson Jr., 49, at Georgia Avenue and Park Road NW with stab wounds. Anderson, of Silver Spring, was pronounced dead about 30 minutes later.

Newsie news

AOL = fucked. First banished from the name of parent company Time Warner, now AOL management has been subpoenaed in the ongoing SEC probe into some apparently shady accounting practices. Oh, and AOL lost 2 million subscribers last year. They must not have sent out enough CD-ROMs in the mail.

Some private-school teenagers appear to enjoy beating on public-school teenagers until they die, as a hearing in juvenile court revealed yesterday.

And a D.C. woman missing for a year was found... dead in her own basement. Under a pile of junk, which supposedly concealed the dead body. Ewwwww.


Officer Too Friendly

"According to investigators, [D.C. police officer] Officer Parnigoni — who is single — organized several overnight visits to his home that would include groups of boys he coached in a D.C. youth league. During the gatherings, Officer Parnigoni would encourage the boys to take part in games of challenge, with the loser having to disrobe and run throughout the house."


Happy 200th murder this year, D.C.! Just in time for Halloween!


Oh by the way

So much for us getting baseball. The deadline for announcing a destination for the Expos came and went yet again. Thanks for dicking us around, Bud Selig and friends.

I wish I lived somewhere else

I'm 27 years old. Way too young to be confined to life in the suburbs. I should be enjoying my youth in a vibrant, metropolitan city.

Unluckily for me, I live in Washington, and lately I seem to be confined to the drudgery that is Northern Virginia. I was in D.C. on Saturday, and I realized it was only the second time I'd ventured into the District since the summer started (without just driving through). And both times were to visit this one restaurant, which is admittedly good.

But my horizons aren't exactly broad; every time I think about going to D.C., I think about all the crap I'll have to deal with. The traffic is ubiquitously bad; on Saturday, even just driving across town in the morning was fraught with peril, including surprise construction, closed-off streets and bridges, insane drivers cutting me off, etc.

Then, there's finding a parking space. My aforementioned usual restaurant has a complimentary valet lot, which saves me from having to drive around all of Northwest looking for a space. But even the simple act of attending a party in D.C., such as the Halloween party I've been invited to, fills me with a sense of dread, as I ponder driving around for half an hour frantically trying to find a place to park the car, and then walking through poorly lit neighborhoods in a city with the highest murder rate per capita.

And, if something should happen to me or my car (and I don't love challenging the relatively high odds of these crimes occuring in D.C.), I know that if I need the police, they will be characteristally unresponsive and/or retarded.

Anyway, these factors, combined with my laziness, conspire to keep me stuck in the suburbs of Northern Virginia. Blaaaaannnnnnnnd. At what point did I skip all of my late 20s and early 30s and become a suburbs-only dweller? This is bad. I'm only accelerating the onset of my mid-life crisis. Nobody wants that.


A Lorton man is suing Pat Sajak, host of TV's Wheel of Fortune, claiming that, after winning on the game show, the "bear hug" Sajak gave him after winning has caused his chronic back pain.

The Washington Post was the only newspaper in the nation to pull controversial comic strip "The Boondocks" last week, as the characters were poking fun at White House national security adviser Condoleezza Rice's dating life. Pander much?


Utilities Held Down Spending On Upkeep

Why do we insist on deregulating industries that are vital to our way of life, such as electrical power? And then why are we shocked when the companies that take over start to cheap out on infrastructure spending?

Then, when a storm hits and predictably knocks untrimmed trees into power lines, and customers of Dominion Virginia Power and Pepco are without power for several days at a time, the companies respond with "This was, like, the worst storm in our 102-year history!" when it clearly wasn't that bad.


Nothing can bring down your day quite like the headline "Lesbian Gang-Raped in District."

The woman tells Channel 7 that six men dragged her into an alley near Logan Circle on Sept. 28 and took turns raping her. She says the men approached her as she was walking home alone from a night club, and she told them she wasn't interested in men. She says the men made anti-lesbian remarks as they attacked her.
Uggghhh. Most hateful city ever.

More soldiers for my I Hate D.C. Army

As the author of new blog Bitch Set Me Up says, "You know what the Internet could use? Another blog."

But when you link to images such as this, a proposed District of Columbia commemorative quarter, you're more than welcome to stay:



For the first time this year, the homicide rate has actually fallen behind last year's pace... 196 so far, vs. 197 at this point last year.

I can make a difference! Um, yeah.

No minorities or poor people allowed

As they tend to sully our good name. Fortunately we can prevent them from getting medical care at George W Bush University ... I mean George Washington University Hospital and Prince George's County.

In an incident Saturday night, one emergency medical technician (EMT) said he notified Dr. Shesser by radio that his ambulance was transporting a critically ill patient to the hospital. The doctor asked where the crew was coming from and was told it was Southeast. Dr. Shesser then said he had just closed the hospital's emergency room. The ambulance continued to the hospital.

The patient — an elderly woman in diabetic shock — died after waiting 30 minutes to be admitted to the hospital, according to city and EMS officials.
Take that, diabetic black lady! Shame on you for going into diabetic shock while simeultaneously being poor!

Meanwhile, in Arlington, the home office of why.i.hate.dc., trouble's a-brewin' in the always-exciting white-knuckle race for... county commissioner of the revenue.

Republican candidate Tim Russo has generated controversy -- and unusual interest in the race -- by contending that his Democratic opponent, Ingrid Morroy, is "attacking the English language" with her proposal to print government tax forms in Spanish. In debates and campaign literature, he has urged voters to thwart her "dangerous plan."
Yeah, see, the thing about Arlington? Lots of people here who speak only Spanish. There's a 20 percent Hispanic population. But good luck with that whole no-Spanish policy platform, buddy.

Fortunately, Jen Waters is still hangin' tough, telling me how I can pretty up my home with stencils.

Stenciling is a way to add a little spice to a home. Pre-made patterns of everything from fruit to animals to flowers can be bought.
There's nothing quite like the power of passive voice. And Jen HAS THE POWER!


Shootout on Busy D.C. Street Kills Man

More gang-related violence, and we've also had an increase in the number of innocent bystanders killed. This time it happened in the ironically named Mount Pleasant neighborhood of Northwest D.C.


Maryland Governor's Wife Makes 'Inadvertent' Comment About Shooting Britney Spears

The wife of Maryland Gov. Robert Ehrlich, Kendel Ehrlich, said she would shoot pop singer Britney Spears if she had the chance.

While speaking at a domestic violence conference.


Come on, Kendel. Why can't you just challenge her to a dance-off like everyone else?

Speaking of violence in Maryland, check out this site, which is a sort of Baltimore version of why.i.hate.dc, only with an infinitely higher percentage of animated .gifs, which are clearly awesome.

The tragedy of white trash-on-mascot violence

Where else but Maryland.


it's cool to get shot down by realtors... in lower case

in honor of city living, dc style, this entire post will be in lower case! and feature random exclamation points.

i'll bet you can't wait for the city living dc style! expo coming up in just a couple weeks. i can't help but notice that the friday, october 24 event is called "city living, dc style! celebration"! everyone will be all, "hey, i can't afford any of these places! hoo-fucking-ray!"

i don't know if i'll be able to make this one! it looks like a cash grab by d.c. anyway. check out the exhibitors page:

you need to be there to:

  • arouse interest in your product [ewww!]
  • establish contact with the market
  • generate awareness of your product or service
  • build preference and further your organization’s brand
  • make specific offers and generate leads
  • close the sale
  • keep them customers for life
  • discover what your industry partners and competitors are offering
  • ALWAYS BE CLOSING! [just kidding]

    exhibit rates…

  • 20’x20’ booth: $3,000
  • 10’x10’ booth: $2,000
  • tabletop (6’x30”): $1,500
  • yeah, that's a lotta cash. supposedly d.c.'s intention is to get more young people to move into the city, but it's pretty clearly also a way for them to get some cash out of the realtors who are making a fortune off of the washington area's ridiculously sky-high property values!

    you kids have fun though.

    D.C. Cabs Still Bypass Minorities, Study Finds

    Which is a shame, considering that most D.C. residents are, you know, minorities. (The cab drivers are too, for that matter.)


    Does anyone in a position of power in this town not embezzle funds? Former Washington Teachers Union president Barbara A. Bullock pleaded guilty to helping herself to some of her constituents' cash.

    The cash went for luxury items including $57,000 for sterling silver tableware, $50,000 for fur coats, $20,000 for electronics, and $100,000 on season tickets for the Washington Redskins and Washington Wizards.
    Dammit, that explains why I can't afford better tickets. Note to self: steal more money.

    Silly Pierre L'Enfant

    It's not enough he has to design exploding manholes into the city. Apparently he also included leaky gas mains that explode in a fiery maelstrom.

    Hooray for guns

    One murder via daylight shooting in Northwest. Another murder of a teenage girl in Southeast.


    The Ultimate Fluff Piece

    You know, the Post occasionally gets criticized for pandering too much to its strong Virginia subscriber base. When they run stories like this, I can see why.

    This is a story about a lost parrot and its owner, who intends to sue the D.C. Animal Shelter because he thinks they found his bird and allowed someone else to adopt it.

    That's basically it right there; I just gave you pretty much the whole story in one sentence. The actual story started on page A1 yesterday, jumped to an inside page, and then jumped to the following page. It's almost 1,500 words long, and has a double byline (i.e. it took two reporters to write this).

    I kept waiting for the big twist to come in the story, explaining why it was so huge and on the front page. Like, the parrot knows how to cure cancer, or was implanted with Hitler's brain, or something. Now that would be a news story. But nothing like that came up.

    The story begins on the evening of April 12 in the Alexandria high-rise apartment that DeGroff, 40, shares with his roommate, William Milan, 44. Until that night DeGroff and Milan also shared it with a parrot named Tallulah, aka Loulou.
    OK, first of all, I don't think I'm making too much of a logical leap in concluding that two men in their 40s sharing an apartment and distraught over their lost parrot "Loulou" are gay.

    But suing over the lost parrot, and making this big a production out of it? Is there a Kinsey scale rating for that? I think that's gotta push the owner's rating up to about a 15 or 16.

    A dinner guest who wasn't wearing her glasses accidentally walked into the screen door leading to the apartment's balcony. She screamed, startling Loulou, who flew through the door, over the balcony and down to a clump of trees 14 stories below. By the time Milan had raced outside to coax her back, she was gone.
    OK, anybody who's first reaction to this situation is anything but rolling on the ground with laughter is a little too uptight. Someone in your apartment who wasn't wearing her glasses walked into a screen door and reacted by screaming. I think I would be crying with laughter for the next 15 minutes. Oh, the parrot's gone? I didn't notice because I was too busy laughing my ass off at Mrs. Clouseau here.

    DeGroff and Milan had raised Loulou from a chick, hand-feeding her with syringes-full of parrot chow. She had become, they said, a third member of the family, attuned to the rhythms of the household.
    *Cough* Not touching that one.

    He and DeGroff feel that Loulou imprinted on them and, wherever she is, is pining for them terribly.

    "We are her flock," Milan said.

    Ha. Anyway, the woman who may have adopted the selfsame parrot is from Pennsylvania. And now she has to deal with crazy he-bitch stalker man.

    DeGroff said Weaver never answered the phone when he called her. And so on a rainy day in early June he drove the three hours to her home in a rural area not far from Shippensburg State University.

    There was no answer when he knocked on her front door, but, he said, "I saw a silhouette of a bird in the back." He walked around to get a closer look. Though the room was dark and the window glass distorted his view, DeGroff felt a connection with the bird.
    OK, he doesn't even know if it's the same bird. Why is this in the paper, again?

    DeGroff has been assisted in his crusade by J.D. Taylor, a former teacher and the author of an upcoming book on Vietnam-era service dogs called "Beyond the Call: A War Dog's Final Duty." He has been a "humane" investigator for 20 years and learned of the Loulou case from a friend who gets her hair cut by Milan.

    Taylor sent Loulou-related documents to D.C. Mayor Anthony A. Williams (D) and U.S. Reps. Thomas M. Davis III (R-Va.) and James P. Moran Jr. (D-Va.), in an unsuccessful attempt to interest them in DeGroff's plight. He also phoned Weaver so many times that, he said, a local police officer called to warn him against contacting her again.
    Yeah. What a shock that Mayor Tony and Rep. Davis weren't interested in hearing about your stupid fucking parrot, who may have been adopted out by the animal shelter after you lost the damn thing. And really, leave the poor woman alone!

    So this story is alternately hilarious and depressing... but it's also pathetic, since there's no actual evidence of wrongdoing, except for the carelessness of the original owners, who are making everyone else's life a living hell rather than owning up to their own stupidity.

    But really, Washington Post people... why does this "lost parrot" bullshit warrant 1,500 words, while the average D.C. homicide merits about 40 words of copy? I know you guys don't want to be like TV news and overplay violence, but come on. This story shouldn't be in the paper anywhere, let alone on the front fucking page.


    Goldwater will leave sports commission

    He earned $275,000 a year, and succeeded in bringing a baseball team to D.C.

    Oh wait, except he totally didn't.

    Eat a french fry on Metro, get arrested

    U.S. District Judge Emmet Sullivan dismissed claims by Tracy Hedgepeth that Metro Transit Police Officer Jason Fazenbaker illegally searched her daughter's backpack and treated her unfairly when he arrested her Oct. 23, 2000, after watching her enter the Tenleytown-AU Station and pop a single french fry into her mouth.
    Add that to the big list of Metro horror stories.

    Panel Studying Deaths at Zoo Won't Lay Blame

    The chairman of a National Academy of Sciences panel looking into animal deaths and care at the National Zoo said yesterday that despite expectations of some of the facility's critics, his committee will not "be pointing fingers" at top managers.
    Yeah, that'll be real useful. No better way to fix a problem than to not hold anyone responsible. Oh, and a cheetah died at the zoo yesterday, although apparently from old age.

    Redskins Can Keep Trademark, Judge Rules

    Sometimes, a story just makes me throw up my hands and say: "I don't fucking understand."

    In her ruling yesterday, Kollar-Kotelly said the trademark board had one legal question to consider: could the word "redskin," used with the popular football franchise since 1933, disparage a "substantial composite" of Native Americans at the time the first Redskins trademark was registered in 1967?
    1. Can anybody use for the word "redskin" in a sentence, in a way that isn't racially dispariging? (And that doesn't involve potatoes, etc.) I can't.

    2. Is the litmus test really whether the term was offensive in 1967? Here's a verse from the original "Hail to the Redskins" fight song circa 1967:

    Scalp 'em, swamp 'em
    We will take 'em big score
    Read 'em, weep 'em, touchdown
    We want heap more
    Fight on, Fight on
    'Til you have won
    Sons of Wash-ing-ton.
    Yeah. Clearly 1967 was a different time, if people were OK with singing that after touchdowns. I think maybe the Redskins original owner may have passed on using a racially diverse focus group to determine whether those lyrics might be offensive to someone.

    [Redskins founder] George Preston Marshall, who named the team in 1933, had a despicable record on race matters. Washington, remember, was the last NFL franchise to integrate its roster, and Marshall agreed to do so, in 1962, after the U.S. Department of the Interior threatened to prevent him from using D.C. Stadium for its home games.
    You might think Daniel Snyder would be more sensitive to racial issues. His Jewish ancestors had to endure some form of persecution over the years, if memory serves correctly. But no, he's been fighting this hard. Whatever; I shouldn't expect great things from a man who commutes across town via helicopter.