Welcome to the D.C., bitch

Yeah, guess I'll have to rescind my compliments of this blog. Basically he takes me to task for whining about my lack of going into D.C. much lately.

Washington has one of the fastest, cleanest and newest subway systems in the world, designed to move people in, out and around the city.

Oh, you mean this Metro? The one that arrests people for eating french fries?

The last time I went to Lauriol Plaza, it was a Saturday, and I had to drive because I was working a football game in D.C. earlier in the afternoon.

But let's see what would happen if I did take Metro on a Saturday afternoon, which I have often done. It's about a 10-minute walk from my apartment to the closest station. According to the rail timetable, trains run every 12 minutes on Saturday from my station, so figure an average of 6 minutes waiting. Fifteen minutes to get to Metro Center, where I wait for a train to Dupont Circle, average wait three minutes, to get to Dupont, average travel time three minutes. Then, figure about 15 minutes total getting-up-the-escaltor-and-walking-to-the-restaurant time. Thaaaaat's... about 52 minutes travel time. To go 3.7 fucking miles. That is fast!!!...? No. It's three times longer than it would take for me to get there by car, even if there was traffic.

Also, is traffic really better in Virginia? There words: Woodrow Wilson Bridge. Two more words: Mixing Bowl.

Since when have I defended Virginia traffic? Make no mistake about it: I FUCKING HATE VIRGINIA TRAFFIC AS MUCH AS I FUCKING HATE D.C. TRAFFIC AS MUCH AS I FUCKING HATE MARYLAND TRAFFIC. Have I ever once defended Virginia as a decent place to live? Jesus fucking Christ on a crutch, last Friday night it took me 2 hours 15 minutes to drive 40 miles down I-95 into Stafford County. REST ASSURED I DID NOT FUCKING ENJOY IT.

Don't let the title of this blog fool you; I hate the whole fucking shebang, and not just D.C. proper.

As for the crime rate – well, I don’t know where his party is, but I think it’s safe to assume it’s not in gang territory.

No, it's not. But, on the off chance that I do run into trouble and, heaven forbid, need the police, I would clearly be fucked. The ineptitude of D.C. public servants has been well-documented on this selfsame blog.

If he truly wants to live in a "vibrant, metropolitan city" with no crime and no traffic, he's dreaming.

I can live with crime and traffic to an extent, if the city is indeed vibrant and metropolitan, and I have in the past. I'm more than willing to balance the bad with the good. But here, there is no good.

And that's why I have... this blog. So that I may whine about the seemingly infinite supply of things I hate. I know it's whiny and self-absorbed. But, by definition, that can't really be helped, can it?

Oh, and one more thing...

Still, James has every right to avoid Washington while complaining about it from afar.

This always drives me nuts. I tell D.C. or Maryland people I live in Arlington, and I might as well have told them I live in Kentucky. Complaining about it from "afar"? I'm two fucking miles away. By all rights, a young person like me should be able to enjoy and take part in what a downtown area like D.C. has to offer.

Instead, apparently I'm a fucking prude because I no longer have the wherewithal to get out of the suburbs and deal with you yuppie motherfuckers. Well, fine. If anyone needs me, I'll be sitting in my shitty suburban apartment, counting down the days until I can leave this vibrant, metropolitan hellhole.