DC Douche Quiz, part two: The Carpet Baggers

When you step into an elevator with other people, you feel compelled to:

(a) Say something pleasant to each person there.

(b) Look at the ceiling and sigh because they are in your space.

(c) Hum a little tune or read your paper. So you seem sociableish but won't be asked to talk.


When waiting for a bus, you often:

(a) Ask everyone else standing there how long they think it will take.

(b) Call the number listed on the sign to complain that the drivers are NOT adhering to the SCHEDULE.

(c) You don't do buses.


Your hair is generally:

(a) The result of much effort and shine enhancing spray/gel (depending on gender).

(b) Six to eight months out from the last trim.

(c) One of your biggest expenses, but you'd never admit it.


You apply for jobs/internships that you hope will:

(a) Allow you to fill your life-long dream of helping every person in the world. A lot.

(b) Allow you to fill your life-long dream of being a Michael P. Keaton smarty pants type.

(c) Allow you a little breathing room from your parent's pressure to get a job.



You get upset in public when:

(a) The metro employee is mean even though you totally MEANT to put money on your card.

(b) The service employee requests you to follow a policy you are breaking specifically because it doesn't make SENSE.

(c) It's unacceptable to be upset in public. Or ever.



Generally, you perform volunteer service by:

(a) Showing up at the occasional homeless shelter.

(b) Joining a complicated and elite program reserved for volunteer MBAs from "the best" schools.

(c) Showing up at your family's annual benefit.



You found your apartment through:

(a) A Craig's List ad that emphasized, "Sociable," "Fun," and "Under 24."

(b) A Craig's List ad that emphasized, "Vegetarian or Vegans-only" and "Weekly group meetings."

(c) Your family keeps a place here.


You brag about gaining "issue expertise," but your job really involves

(a) Filing correspondence and mailing form letters.

(b) Making up things to pretend to be doing in between times you follow your boss to meetings where, you suspect, the participants made up an excuse to have a meeting so they could pretend they have something to do.

(c) Locating illicit substances and providing alibis for semi-important family friends.