Who Wants to be a Reviled Blogger?

Guess who's going to back to work? Oh that's right, James is. The coffee pot is set to brew at 7 a.m. The alarm clock is set for... wow, 6:30 a.m.

Hmmm. Farmers don't get up that early.

At any rate... I'm excited. And excited to be moving on in a few weeks. But... what of the beloved why.i.hate.dc? Surely I can't let it just languish in blogging purgatory (or "blogatory"). It needs to continue. It demands to survive. It doesn't feel pity. Or remorse. Or fear. And it ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT STOP, EVER. Until you are DEAD.

In summary, somebody's got to take this over from me. There are plenty of haters out there whose voices should, nay must, be heard. Sooo... are you thinking what I'm thinking?

ESSAY CONTEST!*

The only rule is: there are no rules!

Except for these rules:

THE RULES

1) Entries must be in my inbox by Saturday, January 14, at noon. So that I may read them while also watching football. Send here.
2) Bizarre pop culture references. Visual aids. Creative use of profanity. Fried baby panda recipes. It's all fair game. You can do it blog-post linking-to-things style, or a long-form essay, or whatever. Make me feel the hate, but also... the laughter.
3) You have to tell me a little about yourself... not your life story, just the basics. Include your contact info, so that I can hand over the blog if you win! Speaking of which:

WHAT YOU GET IF YOU WIN

This blog! Yay, exciting!

More importantly: an instant local audience for your writing. It took me a long time to build up an audience, and the lucky winner gets to reap the rewards. Literally ones of people will see your work, and perhaps prank call you. And who wouldn't want that? Someone with a modicum of business sense might even be able to make money off this thing. I have none, so I don't know.

So that's it. You guys know what I like: a keen eye for observation, and a sharp disdain for bullshit. Impress me the most, and I will pass the mic... to you. No fine print required.

(*-NOTE: What you were actually thinking may have varied.)