My lease runs out today. Do I have a place to live?

Remember the good old days when I wrote my first post? By "good old days," I of course mean Thursday, but whatever. It was a happier time. That was the day I found out I'd be moving to Silver Spring after over a month of frantic searching for housing. I was *this* close to being homeless.

Here's what I wrote:

"Right now I'm living in tony Cathedral Heights. In a few days, unless something goes horribly wrong, I'll be moving to the Silver Spring/Takoma Park area. This move means I will depend on both the subway and bussing to get from my house to my friends and my job. I'm sure that will create enough fodder for a million DC-hating blogs."

The good old days indeed. I was so young, so naive. Since DC is Opposite Land where the evil (i.e. politicians, lobbyists) are rewarded and the good (me) are punished, I really should have expected something truly and heartbreakingly awful to happen.

Less than 24 hours before I was to pick-up my U-Haul and start my wonderful new life as a Maryland commuter, I got a phone call from my new roomies...who subsequently pulled backsies and left me ***this*** close to homelessness. That's four more asterisks.

Why the backsies? Who knows. They claimed that a current tenant's brother needed a place to live and bros (broes?) before handshake promises, as the old saying goes. That story is almost certainly bullshit. I guess one of the roommates didn't like me after I hung out with them and their friends on Friday. I admit I was a little awkward. My fault since it's obviously easy to be social and fit right in with 20 people that you've never met before. Piece of cake. And...24 HOURS NOTICE. DOUBLE-EW-TEE-EFF.

If it matters, these immature vagina-faces are from the University of Maryland. By not living with them, I probably saved myself from getting tear-gassed after a Terrapin victory over Duke.

(On a related note, syndicated sports columnist and poker commentator Norman Chad has this gimmick where whoever asks him the best/funniest question wins $1.25. Here's what won yesterday:

"Q. A University of Maryland basketball player recently was declared academically ineligible. Isn't that like falling out of a boat and missing the water?"

Of course UMD is somehow rated higher than American, so this proves nothing.)

Anyways, instead of having a total nervous breakdown, I got my act together. Tomorrow, I'm moving to Bethesda, MD. Right next door to the Naval Hospital and 495. My lifelong dream of being a Maryland commuter begins tomorrow. And I still depend on Metro (which hasn't fucked up since I got the keys to this blog...small miracle), so expect Metro rants in the near-future.

And, just so I'm making myself perfectly clear: Fuck you, Maryland kids.


  1. Hey! Your story was so heartwrenching I was just about to offer you my place, but then you turned around and blasted us UM grads-- I'm a proud and giving grad, and I'd like to think those UM boys you were dealing with were all from New Jersey, like most of the UM people in the Greek system (the group of 20 people to hang out with-- sounds like they're all frat boys).

  2. My wife and I recently moved from DC after 10 years there. I enjoyed your blog and find it all true. Enjoy it even more now that we left! Hated it there and glad to be gone from there.