Remember the good old days when I wrote my first post? By "good old days," I of course mean Thursday, but whatever. It was a happier time. That was the day I found out I'd be moving to Silver Spring after over a month of frantic searching for housing. I was *this* close to being homeless.
Here's what I wrote:
"Right now I'm living in tony Cathedral Heights. In a few days, unless something goes horribly wrong, I'll be moving to the Silver Spring/Takoma Park area. This move means I will depend on both the subway and bussing to get from my house to my friends and my job. I'm sure that will create enough fodder for a million DC-hating blogs."
The good old days indeed. I was so young, so naive. Since DC is Opposite Land where the evil (i.e. politicians, lobbyists) are rewarded and the good (me) are punished, I really should have expected something truly and heartbreakingly awful to happen.
Less than 24 hours before I was to pick-up my U-Haul and start my wonderful new life as a Maryland commuter, I got a phone call from my new roomies...who subsequently pulled backsies and left me ***this*** close to homelessness. That's four more asterisks.
Why the backsies? Who knows. They claimed that a current tenant's brother needed a place to live and bros (broes?) before handshake promises, as the old saying goes. That story is almost certainly bullshit. I guess one of the roommates didn't like me after I hung out with them and their friends on Friday. I admit I was a little awkward. My fault since it's obviously easy to be social and fit right in with 20 people that you've never met before. Piece of cake. And...24 HOURS NOTICE. DOUBLE-EW-TEE-EFF.
If it matters, these immature vagina-faces are from the University of Maryland. By not living with them, I probably saved myself from getting tear-gassed after a Terrapin victory over Duke.
(On a related note, syndicated sports columnist and poker commentator Norman Chad has this gimmick where whoever asks him the best/funniest question wins $1.25. Here's what won yesterday:
"Q. A University of Maryland basketball player recently was declared academically ineligible. Isn't that like falling out of a boat and missing the water?"
Of course UMD is somehow rated higher than American, so this proves nothing.)
Anyways, instead of having a total nervous breakdown, I got my act together. Tomorrow, I'm moving to Bethesda, MD. Right next door to the Naval Hospital and 495. My lifelong dream of being a Maryland commuter begins tomorrow. And I still depend on Metro (which hasn't fucked up since I got the keys to this blog...small miracle), so expect Metro rants in the near-future.
And, just so I'm making myself perfectly clear: Fuck you, Maryland kids.