I am moving to Columbus, Ohio in a month. I'll write a sentimental post sometime in the future. In the meantime: ESSAY CONTEST.

Back in January, 2006, I took the reins of this blog from a Mr. James F. by writing a sweet essay about my hatred towards DC. I also included some links to some previous work from my old personal blog and my column at the American University newspaper.

(If you're interested, follow the link and click around to find a photo of me and some of my very early writing. My bi-weekly column started in September, 2004 and went weekly in 2005. It's not that great. Give me a break, I was in college. It was called The Rusty Nail. If you're so inclined, happy reading.)

So, if you want to take the reins of Why I Hate DC, send an essay and some writing samples (not required) to whyihatedc@gmail.com by July 6 at noon. And, yes, I am going to be an asshole about the due date. If you can't get shit done on time, then you can't blog.

The original essay contest rules are here and they still apply (except for the due date of course).

Good luck, ya'll. In the meantime, you still get another month of Rusty. My condolences.

(Image courtesy of the wonderful Columbus-area resident Natalie Dee.)


  1. Meh, no one's worried about who's picking up this blog.

    The operative question is, when does why.i.hate.columbus.blogspot.com go up?

    Anyways, congrats I guess. I'm fleeing as well, San Diego-bound.

  2. AnonymousJune 17, 2008

    Lester is a douche!

  3. Muahahahahahahahahaha! You think you hate DC? You're gonna love Columbus. Such a cosmopolitan place. Such lovely,
    open-minded people

  4. AnonymousJune 17, 2008

    This gives me hope that maybe I can get out too.
    6 plus years of hard time.
    Although I dont think Columbus would be my first choice to go to.
    Find someone bitter and with a digital camera!

  5. AnonymousJune 17, 2008

    I fortunately escaped DC 3 weeks ago myself but have continued to read your blog to validate my decision to leave. Your anger will be missed!

  6. enjoy never seeing the sun from october to april, the wind sweeping across the ohio flatlands, and strip malls and arby's as far as the eye can see.

    i spent 22 years in ohio, its a hole you should escape from, not willingly go into.

  7. Um, could people stop telling him how bad it is? I don't want him to change his mind.

  8. O DADDY OHIOJune 17, 2008


  9. AnonymousJune 17, 2008

    DC will get better once all the fucks like Rusty will be gone, we should of all demanded this years ago! Down with Rusty! We Miss James. Down with Rusty

  10. Agreed. Ohio is a huge step backwards, but whatever fits your groove man. Good luck in the middle of nowhere. Miss ya Rusty!

  11. I had moved to DC from Columbus. Columbus is the test-market center of the United States. Everything there is average- except for the stuff that is mediocre. In all seriousness, while I didn't like it all that much at the time, in retrospect, Columbus isn't all that bad. The cost of living is super cheap, some of the people are nice, they are some decent restaurants, and the miles of chain stores are endless.

  12. ColumbuswillfuckyouintheassJune 17, 2008

    Rusty sucks...

  13. AnonymousJune 17, 2008

    Congrats on getting out. If you're really leaving. Personally I think this is all an elaborate hoax to lull your slim hispanic assailant into a false sense of security before you STRIKE!

  14. Wow, the DC pretentiousness is in full swing in these comments.

  15. You will be missed, my friend.

  16. AnonymousJune 17, 2008

    OMG. Ohio is DEFINITELY worse than Pennsyltuckey! That is what you get. It might even be worse than DC!

    HA HA HA HA!

  17. For those sunless months, they have a "Brewery District," which actually seems charming. I'd move to that fancy schmancy $350/month neighborhood and avoid ever wandering beyond it.

  18. Agatha - The Brewery District is actually more residential now than it used to be. The Short North's where it's at now. Good art galleries, good restaurants, great bars, good retail.

    German Village is a great place to be, too. I would almost be tempted to move back there if you could land me a brick townhome overlooking Schiller Park.


  20. HahahahahahahahahaJune 17, 2008


  21. I nominate HRH King Friday XIII to head this blog. Also, anyone who takes the reins must mock and use as much profanity and sarcasm as possible. The profanity and especially the sarcasm have been missing since James F. left.

  22. AnonymousJune 18, 2008

    I thought we all assumed Rusty is Gay ... how on earth does he have a girlfriend. Rusty must not be allowed to have casual sex with a real name like Lester

  23. Congratulations on your new opportunity in Columbus- I always enjoyed reading your blog. You will be missed!

  24. AnonymousJune 18, 2008

    Someone I despise lives in Columbus, and while I should be content knowing they have to live their pitiful life in flyover land, I wonder if you would be kind enough to throw acid in their face for me? Thanks!

  25. I second the nomination for King Friday XIII.
    Congrats, Rusty.

  26. Ted koppelJune 18, 2008

    Ruster, what the fuck are you doing in Columbus, and where the fuck did you get the name Lester? Grief, Columbus fucking Ohio. Have a blast.

  27. Well I, for one, am kinda jealous. Living in Columbus will put you much closer to the WORLD'S LONGEST YARD SALE (www.127sale.com)

    I see that Columbus is about three hours away from Defiance, the northernmost point, but it's only an hour and a half from other points on the yard sale map (Eaton, Cincinnati).

    Oh wow, this is getting me all worked up. Please please please go to this thing. I want to live vicariously.

  28. AnonymousJune 18, 2008

    Dear God, Columbus? I lived in Ohio for four years, and while the Midwest has its benefits (jello salad, Wisconsin cheese, and the OSU Buckeyes), I have to say, its pitfalls far outweigh its merits. Think homespun Michael's crafts-style sweatshirts worn by the masses, Camaros blaring the music of Journey & Rush, fat people ad nauseum, and blisteringly cold winters in flat ugly grey terrain. Have Fun!

  29. AnonymousJune 18, 2008

    Gosh now maybe we'll get a new post more than once every 3 weeks.

    Just give it to HRH King Friday XIII and be done with it.

  30. Wait, there are more Arby's in Columbus? Now I understand the appeal.

    Seriously, Columbus is Charlotte. These middle of the state cities can grow and expand outwards forever without geographic limitations. They're all the same.

    If you're looking for wife, house, dog and kids, you're definitely going to the right place. If you're looking for strange, hazy nights and bloodshot Tuesday mornings, you had better go a little further west to Chicago.

  31. AnonymousJune 18, 2008

    Columbus? Your anti-mugging defense skills will come in quite handy.

    But, on the flip side, their subway never derails.

  32. "Columbus? Your anti-mugging defense skills will come in quite handy."

    You're kidding, right? Compared to D.C., Columbus's crime is miniscule.

  33. AnonymousJune 18, 2008

    Please let the next blogger not be a douche ....

  34. Love to read your comments. Hope you enjoy Ohio.

  35. Good luck man! I vote for King Friday as well. People do not name themselves, it's not your fault you are named Lester. Poor bastard... I hope you are at LEAST named after some beloved dead relative.

  36. Wow...Ohio? That place sucks worse than where I"m from. Why would you willingly go to that hell hole?

  37. Looks like "Bad girl" had a subpar experience with a "Bad Guy" in Columbus.

    Bad Girl, methinks thou dost protest too much.

  38. AnonymousJune 19, 2008

    Sunless? It's like .2 degrees of latitude north of DC. You are all idiots.

  39. AnonymousJune 19, 2008

    I looked it up. 1.03 degrees of latitude north of DC. Idiots.

  40. AnonymousJune 20, 2008

    Casual sex is great ....

  41. AnonymousJune 22, 2008

    You are so lucky to leave this miserable place! Hopefully I'll be back in CA by the end of the summer. The worst thing about Washington is the people! Never have I met such smug, rude, disingenuous, uncreative, bland, socially retarded people.

    I'm in the middle of the worst of DC as I work for the FDA with the corrupt officials at the Headquarters and I live in Dupont Circle with all the stuck up faggots.

    Anyone left in this shit hole can just rot with the rats!

  42. anonymous guy (right above this posting):

    I was going to suggest you submit an essay to take over the blog. Your hatred is strong. But then you had to ruin it with the "faggot" comment.


  43. AnonymousJune 24, 2008

    How much does MA suck if you'll leave D.C. for Ohio rather than go back home??

    Wow, Rusty. Boston sucks and all, but you don't have to rub Whitey Bulger's nose in it.

  44. AnonymousJune 25, 2008

    yay for the toothepastefordinner reference

  45. Heads up - for a great time in Columbus... be sure to hit the "Shadowbox Cabaret" at the Easton Town Center Mall... it makes for a WONDERFUL Friday night out.

  46. Wow. I lived in cowtown for ten years and the little hamster in my brain had to spin his wheel like ten seconds before I could remember what Easton was. Rusty, you might be interested to know that Columbus now has Google Street view. DC? Not so much.

  47. Rusty,

    Good bye and good luck. I for one will miss reading your blog on my cell phone on my daily reverse Metro commute from Tenleytown to Rockville. Hope you beat all the kids in that Guitar Hero tournament.


  48. Oh wow. I almost moved to Cleveland last week, but couldn't do it. Ohio is gray 9 months out of the year, I don't care how far north it is from D.C. and that other guy was so right - fat people for miles. And strip malls like Fairfax and Rockville.

    Good luck and have fun getting fat. I agree that Boston would have been a better choice if you're going to pick a cold place.

  49. AnonymousJune 28, 2008


  50. I have lived in D.C. and Ohio...Ohio is worse....much worse...In fact the only thing I liked about DC was that it wasn't Ohio....you should reconsider.

  51. Simple post but great expression of thoughts.. how do you do that? i think your a veteran blogger! am i right?

    anyway I'm william
    mind if I put a link back to you?

    (clickable) ------> Men Overcoat

  52. AnonymousJuly 05, 2011

    Your job as a future mother is to learn the god's ways and to help your child understand despite the negative reinforcement and conditioning of today's society. Without consciousous parents the child will have no hope, and may even exaserbate their disfavor by becoming corrupted in today's environment.
    Your ultimate goal is to fix your relationship wiith the gods and move on. You don't want to be comfortable here, and the changes in Western society in the last 100 years has achieved just that.
    1000 years with Jesus is the consolation prize. Don't be deceived into thinking that is the goal.

    The gods tempt people for which they are most weak. Artificial Intelligence will create desire in people's minds for the following sins:::
    1. Alcohol
    2. Drugs
    3. Preditory "earning"
    4. Homosexuality
    5. Gambling
    6. Something for nothing/irresponsibility (xtianity)
    7. Polygamy/superiority over women/misogyny (Islam)
    Much like the other prophets Mohhamed (polygamy/superiority over women/misogyny) and Jesus (forgiveness/savior), the gods use me for temptation as well. In today's modern society they feel people are most weak for popular culture/sensationalism, and the clues date back to WorldWarII and Unit731:TSUSHOGO.
    It has been discussed that, similar to the Matrix concept, the gods will offer a REAL "Second Coming of Christ", while the "fake" Second Coming will come at the end and follow New Testiment scripture and their xtian positioning. I may be that real Second Coming.
    What I teach is the god's true way. It is what is expected of people, and only those who follow this truth will be eligible to ascend into heaven as children in a future life. They offered this event because the masses have just enough time to work on and fix their relationship with the gods and ascend, to move and grow past Planet Earth, before the obligatory xtian "consolation prize" of "1000 years with Jesus on Earth" begins.

    The Prince of Darkness, battling the gods over the souls of the Damned.
    It is the gods who have created this environment and led people into Damnation with temptation. The god's positioning proves they work to prevent people's understanding.
    How often is xtian dogma wrong? Expect it is about the Lucifer issue as well.
    The fallen god, fighting for justice for the disfavored, banished to Earth as the fallen angel?
    I believe much as the Noah's Flood event, the end of the world will be initiated by revelry among the people. Revelry will be positioned to be sanctioned by the gods and led for "1000 years with Jesus on Earth".
    In light of modern developments this can entail many pleasures:::Medicine "cures" aging, the "manufacture" of incredible beauty via cloning as sex slaves, free (synthetic) cocaine, etc.
    Somewhere during the 1000 years the party will start to "die off", literally. Only those who maintain chaste, pure lifestyles will survive the 1000 years. They will be the candidates used to (re)colonize (the next) Planet Earth, condemned to relive the misery experienced by the peasantry during Planet Earth's history.
    If this concept of Lucifer is true another role of this individual may be to initiate disfavor and temptation among this new population, the proverbial "apple" of this Garden of Eden. A crucial element in the history of any planet, he begins the process of deterioration and decay that leads civilizations to where Planet Earth remains today.

    Only children go to heaven. By the time you hit puberty it is too late. This is charecteristic of the gods:::Once you realize what you have lost it is too late.
    Now you are faced with a lifetime to work to prepare for your next chance. Too many will waste this time, getting stoned, "Hiking!", working, etc.

  53. Ohio is part of D.C that have an high risk rate.

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