Drag Queens Have Far More Class

Near the top of my long list of "things I've done in DC but see no reason to do twice" is the annual High Heel Race in Dupont. Don't get me wrong, it's fun, and funny, and chock-full of G-A-Y. Good times had by all.

Basically, a bunch of dudes dressed like drag queens race down 17th Street wearing heels. The outfits and characters are as entertaining as the anticipation of seeing someone eat asphalt. I'd recommend going except the race was held last night, and if you missed it, you'll have to wait until next October to catch it again. Loser.

The only reason why I wouldn't go a second time is because of the crowd. The race doesn't start until 9pm, but spectators start lining up along the sidewalk by 6pm. I don't like crowds in the first place. But I especially don't like crowds full of stupid drunk girls. And let me tell you, the High Heel Race attracts a ton of stupid drunk chicks. I'm not talking the Shouts "Wooooo!" at Everything drunk girl. They're okay. I'm talkin' Stumbles Everywhere and Starts Fights with Grown Men drunk girl.

The DC night scene is filled to the brim with this particular sub-species of drunk girl. And they always travel in packs of four or five. They're pretty looking, but its the kind of pretty that when she speaks you know instantly that personality plays no role in her boyfriend's decision to date her.

Case in point. When I went everyone was on the sidewalk smooshed together, shoulder to shoulder, ass to crotch. You couldn't sneeze without toppling the people around you. But here comes drunk girl and her skunked friends... forcing their way from the back of the line to the sidewalk front. She held up to her face a small camcorder, and slurred as loud as she could, "Moooooove! We need to seeeeee! I'm a cameraman for PBS!!!"

Drunk Girl clearly wasn't with the Public Broadcasting Service. But for reasons I don't fully understand, people stood aside and let her through anyway. It worked until she came up behind the rather tall and large feller standing right behind me who wasn't having any of it.

He refused to budge. Words were exchanged. She clocked him over the head with the camcorder (ouch!). Fists started flying. He grabbed her by the hair and yanked out a patch (double ouch!). Her friends went ballistic.

This would have been fun to watch, except me, my friends, and the people around me had to absorb the force of these dumbasses thrashing about. Being the nearest guy, I stepped in between the two, grabbed dude by the arm and pulled him back with the help of his buddy. Yay me. I mean, the girl was a total bitch but still. Dude calmed down right away, but Drunk Girl, classy as ever, regained her composure and she and her friends scurried away like cockroaches after dropping a few more f-bombs.

Alas, this wouldn't be the last time yours truly saves Drunk Girl despite her best efforts to get herself killed. But that's a story for another day.


  1. Now the text is *too* big.

    J-to-the-K. Great post. Let me be the 153rd to say - I love that this blog is back in good hands.

  2. Sweet. Did you get her phone number?

  3. Next time just let her get beat. She'll learn her lesson.

  4. I did not go last night because of just what was so ably explained with post. When will this gay fad end?

  5. If a woman (or any biological organism) hits me, they're getting three right back--that's my policy!

  6. If a woman (or any biological organism) hits me, they're getting three right back--that's my policy!


  7. The women's liberation movement was pointless, in my mind, if a woman can still irrationally hit a man without any expectation of getting punched right back.

  8. Back in the days when I was a teen, my idols Vince Neil and Tommy Lee of MOTLEY CRUE were constantly in the news for beating up one of their many of girlfriends.

    Many icons in heavy metal music are known for beating up women.

    If I am not mistaken there is a guy who used to comment on here who is into Iron Maiden music and also into beating up his women as well.

    Me, I do not hit my women. Cheat on them? YES. Beat them senseless? NO.

  9. She reminds me of the guidette girls we get in the NY/NJ area, low-rent trash broads.

  10. I used to live on 17th and Mass. The drunken-ness on 17th is pretty constant.

    After many years of anthropological study, I located the epicenter of drunken: the Fox and Hounds. Order a Jack and Coke. You get a glass of Jack on the rocks and a small bottle of coke. Drink up.

    More than once, I watched a 20-something girl stagger out of there alone, walk into a light post and then turn down P street and wonder off into the night in a zig-zag fashion. Amazing there aren't more rapes, muggings and murders around there...

  11. Uh Oh....Better get Maaco

  12. haha, fucking great. i know the type..."mooooove!!!" pushing their way through because they think they're hot and can get away with anything. fuck that. in a crowd like that you're moshing..fuck it. get ignorant. get stupid. go dumb. no one's special. ugh. i hate this town.

  13. I **HATE** straight white girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  14. I don't know, sounds like the dude should be called a hero and get a medal, because jsut about everyone tollerates drunken hot chicks when really, they should be thrashed and have their hair yanked out caveman style.

    Its like the people who cruise all the way up to 33rd St on M St, and then try and cut in rather than wait their turn like a normal person would. Inevitably some fucking do-gooder lets them in, rather than leave them hanging. If people would stop letting them in, they would stop trying to cut the line all the time.

  15. Most of these bitches are out of state and out of town transplants. Fuck them all.

    SHAMIQUA from southeast DC, a native, would not allow for a guy to slap her silly.

    More than likely she woud be the one doing the slapping and the hitting if someone tried to raise their hands and hit her.

  16. "Me, I do not hit my women. Cheat on them? YES. Beat them senseless? NO."

    --I hear you on the cheating, buddy, but the man did not fight the woman like a man. Friday says he fought like a girl, pulling her hair, which I think was entirely genius! He should have followed up with a good face slap combo.


  17. Drag Queen race, yet another unnecessary aspect to this swamp of a city. I went once and thought to myself, "Is this it?" Never Again.

  18. I hear you.

    Call me a pussy but ever since leaving high school (in my case I was kicked out) I have not had the urge to beat the shit out of anyone.

    Now as an adult, I just dont think anyone has the right to put their hands on another person.

    Recently, I have had my fair share of encouners with shopping mall security, latin gang members, drunk white fratboys etc... but have been lucky enough to walk away all without having to lay a finger on anyone.

    Now in my youth I was quick to fight over the silliest of things.
    Lunch money. Racial issues. Music. Pencils. Seats on the schoolbus etc...

    I was a fan of THE UFC (the early bloody UFC), toughman competiton, ECW, boxing, kickboxing, WWF wrestling, mortal kombat, street fighter etc...

    Somehow as an adult I have become everything I rebelled against as a child.

    Maybe I am just getting old. :(

    I have also read that getting upset is not good for ones blood pressure.

    Besides there are millions of people in the dc/md/va metropolitan area.
    There is no way on a daily basis I can fight or shoot at everybody I have a disagreement with.

    That shit is impossible.

  19. This same thing happens to every show I got to. People enjoying the band, maybe dancing a little and here comes DRUNK GIRL pushing her way to get right in front of the stage.

    It doesn't matter if people have been there for hours holding there spot and she just got to the club after pre-gaming at her friends. People are shoved, feet are stepped on and drinks spilled every time.

    Maybe I'm part of what is wrong with this city but I say "fuck that". I'm not sure why you got involved. Because you are a guy? So what. She made her bed and she deserves to lay in it with a chunk of her hair missing. You shouldn't get to act like an asshole without repercussions just because you are a girl.

  20. a-- I got "invovled" for two reasons: (1) there was a girl getting her ass kicked and (2) they were shoving each other into innocent bystanders (myself included). Had they continued more people would've been been injured because it was so crowded. It was more about self-preservation than my empathy towards her.

  21. Ike Turner FTW!

    (And All Hail, HRH King Friday XII!)

  22. King...

    I dare you to try and step between a girl and a guy fighting down in southeast dc.

  23. I can't think of any of my gay friends who go to the high heel race anymore.

    I mean it was barely interesting when it was just a bunch of gay folks and our urban friends.

    Now with the influx of drunk chic from Vienna. Its unbearable.

    I wish they would do with it like they did in the Castro with their Halloween celebration, and say, this used to be for our community, but straight folks you've fucked it up so we're closing shop until you all go home.

  24. Generation y fucks up another thing yet again.

    Music, movies, television, fashion, clubs, bars etc...

    Now high heel races can be added to the long list too.

  25. you enjoy beating up girls don't you? what a pathetic bunch u r.