How could one Chandra be so Levy?—Eminem

Hippie transplant scum of a certain age may recall the media singularity that opened in Adams Morgan nearly eight years ago following the disappearance of a Washington intern.

Indeed, the impending arrest of an illegal alien for the murder of Chandra Levy brings more closure to my time here in the national capital region. Authorities plan to indict Ingmar Guandique, a 27 year-old currently serving a 10-year prison sentence for attacking two other women. As we know, the murder of the 24 year-old intern with big hair destroyed the political career of the married California congressman with whom she’d been romantically linked—and, for months, Gary Condit remained the metropolitan police department’s prime suspect.

On a late morning that spring, I approach my bus stop near 18th Street in the neighborhood. There is no Starbucks on the corner. Only a black man with no shirt, covered in dust.

“Hello, Caucasian!”

One beat.

“Good morning, Negro!”

No Starbucks on the corner, only a black man with no shirt covered in dust—and it’s suddenly quiet. No reporters. The satellite trucks withdraw from the sky, like flowers wilting in the sun. And I see a weasel—or a man—emerge from the brick building on the corner, looking askance as he darts toward a waiting SUV, an assistant standing to the side.

But the weasel, the man, stops and stares as I approach the corner. He squares his shoulders, his countenance ashen with disgust, burning with defiance.

It’s eight years ago and in my pocket I have no money and no camera phone but I raise my hand and give all that I have. I give him the finger.

Contributor's Note: Thanks to my new intern for the copy-editing advice.


  1. C'mon, Matt Drudge. Give us a link!

  2. I just puked in my mouth and it was more interesting that your post. Nice job.

  3. WHAT THE HELL!!! Dude your killing me! Please stop practicing your inept writing skills here! DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!

  4. Screw these people. You're the best thing to happen to this blog in a long time.

  5. I've read the last few paragraphs three times and I can't figure out what's going on. Who is the black man talking to? Did he call you "Caucasian" and you then called him "negro?" Who is the weasel and why did you flip him off?

  6. anon above, here is M@sshole's response;

    Wednesday, March 04, 2009
    Just some "housekeeping" announcements today, folks.

    1. I'm going to try to take a couple of days off from the Internet, as I'm becoming a bit of an obsessive crackpot with the blogging and social media. I need to detoxify a bit, I think.

    2. There has been some confusion regarding my reference to a dalliance with a married woman. I don't know what to say but that it was a different married woman.

    3. No longer will I be publishing or even reading anonymous hate mail. That's an automatic delete from this day forward.

    4. Also, I won't allow myself any longer to be baited into making (overtly) racist comments. (I have three African Americans and a half-Asian as Facebook friends.)

  7. Luv the way the little bitch named 'm@' is "taking a few days off from the internet.'

    'cept when it comes to this blog of course. Satan's tail, I can't wait until that bitch moves back to mississippi.

  8. lookin' a little tubby there, mattie. but hey, it goes with the receding hairline.

  9. M@ said...
    Oh, there's a bitch from Howard University who needs to get fucked.... I'll do that.

  10. "I have three African Americans and a half-Asian as Facebook friends."

    In other words; Facebook = Reality.


  11. M@ said...
    What's the grad. rate there? 30%?

  12. M@ said...
    Goodbye, nigger.

  13. M@ said...
    I got a big white cock for ya, babe. :)

    9:42 PM

  14. M@ said...
    no, i was doing that too. i used three different services.

    9:49 PM

    M@ said...
    what are you? a receptionist? I know damn well you're not a doctor there. LOL.

    9:50 PM

  15. M@ said...
    u know u want it.

    9:53 PM

  16. M@ said...
    I can handle you.... and unlike black guys, i go down... ;)

    9:52 PM

  17. M@ said...
    You WISH, girlfriend. Hey, do you have gmail? This would be much easier if I could just call you or chat.

    Are you OK? You seem obsessed with me. IT's unhealthy. I worry about you....

    9:56 PM

    M@ said...
    Look, if you have some serious points to make, I will listen to you. If you want to talk. I'm sorry about your troubles. Have a good night.

    9:57 PM

  18. M@ said...
    Yeah, what happened to you?

    9:58 PM

    M@ said...
    What happened to you, dude?

    9:58 PM

  19. So they finally solved the Chandra Levy murder. Now if they would just fucking decide whether or not to open Klingle Road, my life in DC will have come full circle and I can die in peace.

    Sorry that I don't have any gchats or whatever to post. You guys are gay as hell. I hope you don't keep your parents awake when you jerk off at night.