3.12.2009

Why pay people when others will (gladly) do it for free?

DC's unemployment rate is now at 9.3%, showing that we are not at all 'recession proof.' In fact, there are a lot of reasons why you will totally be screwed in Depression 2.0. Thanks to things like "interns" and the "Internet," many jobs can be replaced with free and willing slave labor!



Take for example, The Washingtonian. Word has it that they will be laying off eleven staffers (shhhhh, including some higher ups!). This is in the midst of their "Design the Cover of the Washingtonian's May Issue" contest. I have to wonder if the soon-to-be-laid-off staffers are eligible to enter. Will they have to report any winnings as income? Oh wait, this contest doesn't even have a prize. I can see it now, "The winner of the cover design contest is the former cover designer."

But hey, let's step it up a notch. How else can we save some money around town? Interns are the best solution for pretty much everything. They work hard and are cluelessly naive and optimistic--much like most bloggers. Need to save the Washington Post? How about you just truck in a whole ton of new interns, and set them up as the new monkeys at the typewriters. Come on, would there really be that much of a decline in quality? How about we just make the entire Metro section a series of "Date Labs." Why not!

Also, WMATA is hurting. I've got an idea, fire the administrators and replace them with the staff and commenters at Greater Greater Washington. And by replace, I mean have them work for free. Since they already do freely provide fantasy transit policy, why not just let them make real policy. I can't possibly see a problem with that.

Wow, I'm on a roll here. Look at how much money I've saved, just with interns and bloggers. Think about how much money the city could save if we didn't pay the DC Council some $90,000 each per year. Instead, lets elect bloggers, who obviously know everything about their neighborhoods, and would work for free. I bet we could even find bloggers who would do all sorts of things for free, such as writing parking tickets and building dog parks.

Think about it, DC. For every paid office job in this city, there are probably 10-20 college students who would be willing to move to DC and do your job, for free! Hell, some of them would probably even PAY to do your job. Be afraid, be very afraid.

15 comments:

  1. Hey, perfect opportunity for our very own Katie Knorovsky. Freelancer is just fancy talk for low paid intern, right? She can run the whole damn magazine and make it one big self-fellating blog about Logan Circle and dog parks.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I want to write parking tickets.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I give this post 3.5 Moes (on a one to four Moe system).

    ReplyDelete
  4. L
    O
    L

    O
    M
    G

    U

    G
    U
    Y
    S

    ReplyDelete
  5. "...are cluelessly naive and optimistic--much like most bloggers."

    Case in point: Dave blathered "... pay the DC Council some $90,000 each per year."

    Talk about clueless and naive! You live in DC, blog about DC, and you don't know that DC council members make in excess of $110,000 per year? THAT is clueless and naive.

    Thanks for illustrating your own point.

    OMG Dave? BTW! Adults in this town make a hell of a lot of money. And DC councilmen aren't adults. (I'm saying that $110K ain't much in the event that you're too clueless and naive to get the point)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Talk about clueless and naive! You live in DC, blog about DC, and you don't know that DC council members make in excess of $110,000 per year? THAT is clueless and naive.

    --Oh my god, you guys! Oh my god! I'm totally kicking ass and giving people hell on the Internet! I make good points! I rool!

    ReplyDelete
  7. "--Oh my god, you guys! Oh my god! I'm totally kicking ass and giving people hell on the Internet! I make good points! I rool!"

    Allow me to correct you, Dave.

    "--Oh my god, you guys! Oh my god! I'm totally kicking ass and giving a hipster doofus hell on the Internet! I make good points! I rool!"

    Just remember that Michael Richards (Kramer from Seinfeld) had your whole persona nailed when your age was still in the single digits. That's another reason why you suck so hard.

    ReplyDelete
  8. "and frat-boy types in Arlington wearing ball caps with pre-aged"

    Amend that to read "AGING frat-boy types in.."

    ReplyDelete
  9. I bet that cover story on "Kids and Drugs in the Suburbs" brings the LOLZ.

    ReplyDelete
  10. "...I've got an idea, fire the administrators and replace them with the staff and commenters at Greater Greater Washington. And by replace, I mean have them work for free. Since they already do freely provide fantasy transit policy, why not just let them make real policy. I can't possibly see a problem with that."

    That blog is so fucking pretentious. But I like the way you think.

    ReplyDelete
  11. get a bunch of bum winos to do the washington Posts going out guide. they know where the best hooch is and you save $$ by not paying douchbags to write love letters to shitty yuppie wine bars

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dumb DC motherfuckers don't deserve a real vote in Congress.

    Why should people here have what Puerto Rico doesn't? At least Puerto Ricans make rum, and divas and pharmaceuticals and shit.

    What's Glover Park's chief export? Douchebaggery?

    ReplyDelete
  13. 1423hi i'm scott; everyone in washington DC by the18th street McDonalds, just called me a nigger....by the way i'm white; I don't think this is right...by anyone...i didn't call anyone this...yet some chick called me this for this purpose... only to start some shit--- with some boys that were chasing after me... is that right????? racism?? and i'm white???
    It’s nt right,,, but that is the “hope” that was given… for kids that have fucked up all around the world.. and now they have the chance to ‘make’ a difference. What does this mean…for these boys to make a difference in my life? NO… for them to make a difference in someone else’s life? NO. I Will Not have these BOYS that have no education, that have no lifeskills, that have no being in a major city, try to ruin my night, my friends’ life, or my girls’ life. This is not right… AT ALL.
    Everyone (not everyone... just honestly everyone thinks about racism in the wrong way) that "cares" in Washington, DC by 18th street, about a black kind that just called me a nigger; because he only knew to call me that… I don't think this is right...by anyone...i didn't call anyone this...yet some chick called me this for this purpose... only to start some shit--- with some boys that were chasing after me... is that right????? racism?? and i'm white???F'd up?? Is that Obama's DC....

    Is it really Obama's DC?? is that the 'Hope' that everyone was supposed to get when Obama was elected... I voted for him, I didn't want everything to happen like this, so i can't order a double cheese-burger without some chick saying something about me.

    Does this make everything okay?? Not so much... does this make it okay for me to get in a cab and pay him $20+ dollors to take me 4 blocks?? NO. NO way!!! I AM STANDING UP NOW!! This is too wrong to be with.. this isn't even close to being thought of in schools... this is so messed up that McDonald's worldwide wouldn't blink an eye at this... even if it was in china (their biggest market ) THINK ABOUT THIS MESSAGE.. BLACK, WHITE, YELLOW, RED... whatever you're told you are... it all doesn't matter to me. Thank you

    ReplyDelete
  14. Scott, Shut the fuck up. You're senseless drivel is paralleled only by m@'s inane garbage.

    This entry was actually pretty intelligent though, dave. not bad.

    ReplyDelete