Graham Declares War on Pizza, Rationality

From the realm of completely ridiculous, Councilmember Jim Graham is at it again. The story has been a bit off the radar with the holiday, but Graham wants a "crackdown" on Jumbo Slice pizza in Adams Morgan.
WASHINGTON - A proposed crackdown on single-slice pizza sales in Adams Morgan has many patrons of the nightlife hot spot perplexed, especially considering the area's other issues, including violent crime.

But Ward 1 D.C. Councilman Jim Graham, who represents Adams Morgan, says the pizza parlors selling single slices along 18th Street, some of which are open until 4:30 a.m., are part of the problem when it comes a recent rash of street fights, stabbings, muggings and even a shootout involving two plainclothes police officers.

Others have made the "slice out of crime" joke, and even offered a few alternate suggestions. While things such as shutting down traffic on 18th Street (to allow for drunks to stumble in the street, ala Mardi Gras) are all well and good, I think they also miss the point. Enhancing Adams Morgan's partylike atmosphere is completely the wrong approach.

Graham thinks that people loitering around after the bars close causes crime. He's probably right. I'd venture to guess if you didn't have 25,000 idiot asshole drunks stumbling around an area, you'd have a whole lot less crime. If you want to Grahamstand and make a point, why not just advocate for revoking all liquor licenses on 18th Street. As crazy as it sounds, it actually sounds less crazy than suggesting that pizza is causing problems.

I'm not sure about the legality of dictating whether or not a restaurant can sell pizza by the slice or not. I imagine that instead the pizza places would have their operating hours restricted. The only impact this would have on Adams Morgan would be a bit less littering and possibly moving the "vomit radius" a bit further out.

I hope Graham can also restrict the operations of McDonalds, as late night Dollar Menu items might also be causing crime. Also, it's quite possible that the smoking ban is also contributing to the violence. The ban causes more people to have to spill out on the streets to smoke the cigarettes, making sidewalks more crowded.

And since, you know, crime in Adams Morgan has nothing to do with the presence of gangs over by 17th/Champlain/Marie Reed, etc. It has nothing to do with muggers having tens of thousands of dumbass drunks carrying around piles of cash and iPhones. It has nothing to do with the fact that Adams Morgan is not, has never been, and will mostly never be a safe area. No, of course it's none of those things.

Generally when you propose an outrageous, impractical, attention grabbing law... it's to make a point. A point that makes sense, or at least gets people to think. This is just stupid. If the Council actually entertains this idea, this is exactly why there's no hope in the world for ever fixing anything in this city.



  1. I got into two street fights and once had a gun to my head when I lived in Adams Morgan. Now I live in Arlington. End of story.

  2. AnonymousMay 26, 2009

    They shut down the Dollar Menu at dark at that McDonalds. Way to not just write whatever crap pops into your head without bothering to research it. Oh, wait...

  3. Isn't that the point of blog? You know, being that we aren't paid to do it, or anything like that. It's not like I'm a DC Councilmember or anything. Oh, wait...

  4. Wow. I don't even have a witty comeback because that's really just the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Dumber than Marion Berry. (Although, perhaps he's smart as he's somehow been able to keep a public service position and still not pay taxes.)

    Kudos on "Grahamstand," by the way.

  5. They really do that w/ the dollar menu? Reminds me of Broken Windows theory in the '90s, which was mostly discredited. But, on the other hand, if you leave out garbage you can expect raccoons and other critters....

  6. I'd venture to guess elimination of the dollar menu after "dark" has nothing to do with crime and everything to do with "drunk people will pay anything for a cheeseburger."

    Sort of like how most McDonalds in malls/airports don't have dollar menus.

  7. The fact that M@ got into two street fights in Adams Morgan is simply a reflection on M@, who now lives in Virginia "is for pussies." I've managed to live in the vicinity for 18 years without getting in a street fight, or being too drunk find my way home without getting mugged when there are only 3,000 other people around.

    That notwithstanding, this is, in fact, the stupidest Jim Graham proposal ever. Two things will happen if the three Jumbo Slice places close.

    1) Drunk driving accidents will increase as people aren't able to get a greasy slice of 'za to soak up all their Jameson

    2) Business will skyrocket at the two fallafel and french fry places serving the same drunk clientele

    3) One month after they close, they will be replaced by someone selling some other shit to drunk people

    What the hell? If there's a demand for it there's a demand. How can you shut down Jumbo Slice and not Fallafel Shop? What about the chinese places? What next, no carry-out food in Adams Morgan?


  8. Wasnt drunk. Some guys put a gun to my head as i was coming home from work. U prolly avoided street fights bc ur a pansy. I was attacked and i defended myself.

  9. Jamie, I agree with your comment mostly, except to say I'm doubting that most of the jackasses drink Jameson.

  10. I'm just glad I don't have to deal w/ it anymore. No more dive bars/clubs for me in Adams Morgan. So nice to go to a classy place now and then w/ a dress code and a nice, friendly crowd.

  11. AnonymousMay 27, 2009

    Like the Ballroom?

  12. AnonymousMay 27, 2009

    There are plenty of nice, 'classy' places in DC w/ a dress code. They are above M@'s station in life, however. Therefore, all of DC "sucks" based upon M@'s personal experience in Adam's Morgan.

  13. AnonymousJune 11, 2009

    Maybe they should close down the Dinner also. Or, maybe Graham just needs to retire for being an idiot. I wonder what he would say if someone wanted to close down a gay bar in his ward. In a major city violence happens. If you live in Adams Morgan and don't like the crime, move. You still can become a victim pizza or no pizza.
    He's as bad as Fenty.