5.29.2009

Metro Session

Arlington, Va.--In an effort to promote courtesy among citizens (and illegal aliens) riding the subway, the Washington Metropolitan Area Transportation Authority published a video this month explaining the explicit (and implicit) rules of the road.

Reminiscent of the Sims online video world, the video implores riders to be more mindful of social norms as they ride to work and play, squished like chattel in cars filled to capacity during several hours of the weekday. Naturally, the PR release makes no mention of one of the most annoying (or pleasurable) aspect of riding the subway—frotteurism.

Some people think it’s funny (whereas others do not). Upon the lurching of the train one morning, I found myself quite inadvertently dry-humping the young lady standing directly in front of me—but was saved by the quick wit of an older black woman seated nearby.

“He’ll have to pay extra for that!”

But when it happened to me, it wasn’t so funny. On a not-so-crowded car one evening, I find an older woman—mid-fifties—beckoning to me to sit. Not wishing to discourage this act of kindness and courtesy, I sit down next to her, engrossed in my music and magazine. As she reads The Washington Post, slowly her left hand slips lower and lower, until it rests on my inner thigh.

I freeze. Like a bitch. A million thoughts running through my head. I let her molest me. I go home and take a shower. I cry.

**

If Trains Were Planes


5 comments:

  1. During a recent flame war in the comments here, one astute commentator made a good point.

    Arguing online is like winning the Special Olympics. Either way, you're a retard. For seven months, I have been arguing with a complete moron--and it makes no sense. I will not submit to anyone's idea of a politically correct speech code but the person has the right to make vitriolic comments (so long as they're the sort protected by free speech law).

    And so this blogger would no longer participate in the comments. I will neither write nor read comments on this site. I will simply post. And unsolicited emails will not be read. I'm done arguing w/ morons. I've got better things to do.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousMay 29, 2009

    I liked you better as a commenter. Maybe you can give up the posting instead?

    Here's hoping.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You can always just ignore anon comments.

    ReplyDelete
  4. By the way - Cubans and Puerto Ricans often do not get along. I do not know why. The flsgs look almost the same - they are both loud and use a lot of hand movement when talking, and they both speak the same gibberish.

    But they do not get along so well.

    This amuses me. I feel like the rabbit in the woods, watching the bears fight to the death. I figure the remaining bear will be so weak after the last fight it will be easy to take on.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousMay 31, 2009

    3. No longer will I be publishing or even reading anonymous hate mail. That's an automatic delete from this day forward.

    4. Also, I won't allow myself any longer to be baited into making (overtly) racist comments. (I have three African Americans and a half-Asian as Facebook friends.)

    March 05, 2009
    Anonymous said...
    Luv the way the little bitch named 'm@' is "taking a few days off from the internet.'

    'cept when it comes to this blog of course.

    March 05, 2009
    Stanley said...
    lookin' a little tubby there, mattie. but hey, it goes with the receding hairline.

    March 05, 2009
    Anonymous said...
    M@ said...
    Oh, there's a bitch from Howard University who needs to get fucked.... I'll do that.

    March 05, 2009
    Anonymous said...
    "I have three African Americans and a half-Asian as Facebook friends."

    In other words; Facebook = Reality.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!

    March 05, 2009
    Anonymous said...
    M@ said...
    What's the grad. rate there? 30%?

    March 05, 2009
    Anonymous said...
    M@ said...
    Goodbye, nigger.

    March 05, 2009
    Anonymous said...
    M@ said...
    Bub bye! Have fun being black.

    March 05, 2009
    Anonymous said...
    M@ said...
    I got a big white cock for ya, babe. :)

    9:42 PM

    March 05, 2009
    Anonymous said...
    M@ said...
    Re: Howard University. Duh on the DSL. I used that to bait you. You told me you work at Howard.

    Got a boyfriend there? LOL

    9:44 PM

    March 05, 2009
    Anonymous said...
    M@ said...
    Yeah, I think we should just have sex. I like black chicks.

    9:46 PM

    March 05, 2009
    Anonymous said...
    M@ said...
    no, i was doing that too. i used three different services.

    9:49 PM

    M@ said...
    what are you? a receptionist? I know damn well you're not a doctor there. LOL.

    9:50 PM

    March 05, 2009
    Anonymous said...
    M@ said...
    u know u want it.

    9:53 PM

    March 05, 2009
    Anonymous said...
    M@ said...
    I can handle you.... and unlike black guys, i go down... ;)

    9:52 PM

    March 05, 2009
    Anonymous said...
    M@ said...
    You WISH, girlfriend. Hey, do you have gmail? This would be much easier if I could just call you or chat.

    Are you OK? You seem obsessed with me. IT's unhealthy. I worry about you....

    9:56 PM

    M@ said...
    Look, if you have some serious points to make, I will listen to you. If you want to talk. I'm sorry about your troubles. Have a good night.

    9:57 PM

    March 05, 2009
    Anonymous said...
    M@ said...
    Yeah, what happened to you?

    9:58 PM

    M@ said...
    What happened to you, dude?

    9:58 PM

    March 05, 2009

    MARCH 05, 2009

    ReplyDelete