I wish the real world would just stop hasslin’ me

Hey, what better way to capitalize on a turning point in American history and the sudden rebirth of “cool” in Washington, DC (if all the fluff pieces are to be believed) than exploit a gaggle of barely legal twenty-somethings with a rowhouse full of alcohol and 18th Street as their playground?

The bets start now.

First “hipster” DC bar that will instantaneously lose hipster cred once the film crews set up: Wonderland. Start writing your obits now.

Days until they visit H Street NE: Ten. They’ll barely last a week and a half before they’re clamoring to play putt-putt in the hood.

Days until they visit Bloomingdale: NEVER. Deal with it, Bloomingdale! You are nothing but gang-bangers, former hippies and indie kids who need a good shave. Try not to get a cap in your ass when you’re walking 10 blocks home from the metro tonight.

First “DC resident” activity they’ll partake in: Start a blog with photos of neighborhood row houses as a backdrop.

Second “DC resident” activity they’ll partake in: Blog about how much DC sucks (but hey, it’s better than when Barry was in charge, right folks?)

First blog to provide proof of the Real World house (in the form of a heavily redacted copy of the lease) in the most prosaic, banal post on God’s green earth: Prince of Petworth. Hey, maybe there’ll be a PoPTrekker to search for the row house’s lease at city hall, too! Keeping my fingers crossed!

First blog to dig up evidence of a cast member’s criminal background: City Desk. Good to know their special Creative Loafing bailout will be going to good use.

First blog written by an old man who complains about these “damned kids” taking DC’s attention away from such pressing things as trapeze school and focusing on where the cast whores are drinking and by the way they totally need to get off the old man’s lawn: Farm Fresh Meat. If his whiny, “I hate Brightest Young Things because I’m too old and/or physically unappealing to go to their events” post is any indication, we can only expect more curmudgeonry.

First blog to snap photos of supposed cast members but it’s actually a bunch of interns looking to get high: 14th and You

First blog to snap actual photos of real cast members: Those insiders at DCist because they’re the only ones who will get a real press release and credentials.

First blog to write a Real World post that nobody will ever read or care about: DC Avenger (your mission statement sucks, by the way. The witty revolutionary banter ripped off from V for Vendetta and hot pink “kisses” tagline are about as interesting and hardcore as a stack of Avril Lavigne t-shirts at Hot Topic).

First blog to actually write a semi-interesting piece on the cast that doesn’t involve the word “change”: Going Out Gurus. The Washington Post site was clearly designed by a blind man on meth, but they’ve got good content when your eyes aren’t bleeding from the horrible set up.