8.24.2006

Best Lede Paragraph Ever

Sometimes the opening paragraph tells the entire story:

The District's mental retardation agency has run out of money to pay an independent contractor to investigate deaths in its group home system and is now conducting the probes in-house -- using the same office that previously deleted damaging information from some of the contractor's reports.

You know how I keep bitching about the $611,000,000+ the city is spending on a baseball stadium? This is why. Let me remind DC-lovers that the District considers a recreational activity more important than accounting for the deaths of the city's most vulnerable.

30 comments:

  1. I'm going to Hawaii! Yaaaaaaaaay!

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  2. Well, this is just a temporary problem. Since pre-natal testing has been so successful, more and more parents are aborting children that may be born retarded.


    Consider how much money one (!) "special needs" child costs a school district- money that could be way, way better spent on children who will actually benefit from the spending.

    Have you seen my baseball?

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  3. Oh no... does EVERYTHING revolve around abortion in texas? How about YOU raise those kids... especially the ones born without heads.

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  4. I like how they still call it the mental retardation agency. Seriously. I like that.

    But I can't believe that's not a bigger priority.

    I also can't believe you used the fancy-schmancy spelling for lede. I guess you're not retarded.

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  5. While I agree this is a case of seriously misplaced priorities, it's unfortunately something not unique to DC. MANY cities have foot the bill for extravagant stadiums while their basic services crumbled. So this is really more of a "why.i.hate.america" post.

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  6. The money for the stadium is coming from a pool of funds that did not exist before it was created to build a stadium. It's from a special tax that businesses kind of agreed to pay, because they saw the benefits of baseball in D.C. So the $611 million isn't coming from money that was earmarked for schools or this agency or that agency. It is coming from a special business tax. Don't pretend otherwise.

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  7. Everytime I mention the $611,000,000 someone mentions its a business tax.

    Fine, DC businesses value a sport more than the lives of DC's most vulnerable.

    And this business tax makes it harder for the Council to raise taxes on things that are important such as education, health care, etc.

    The new stadium will be the shame of this city.

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  8. Consider how much money one (!) "special needs" child costs a school district- money that could be way, way better spent on children who will actually benefit from the spending.

    So now children with special needs are less worthy of funding than other kids because they're not "normal"?? Go back to Texas asshole.

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  9. I'm tired of my money going to pay for retards and kids with flippers. I see Plan B is now available. Was Plan A keeping her legs closed?

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  10. Jesus of AustinAugust 25, 2006

    We are all god's children, my son.

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  11. Don't be assholes. This isn't even about education, dimwits. The problem is mentally retarded adults living in DC-sponsored group homes are dying due to neglect. You don't think that's a problem?

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  12. Jesus of AustinAugust 25, 2006

    Randy's absolutely correct. Maybe you guys should watch Johnny Knoxville's flick about him impersonating the retarded guy to win the Special Olympics.

    It was corny but touching. Anyone who doesn't care about the plight of retarded Americans is a cold fish indeed.

    I once worked in a nursing home and the experience taught me some respect for all kinds of people. Maybe some day you'll be in a nursing home and dependant on some low-wage worker to change your diaper or wipe the drool from your face or to shave you with an electric razor.

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  13. DC: Full of anonymous, humorless people.

    Watched this baseball thing happen in Seattle. They crammed what was at the time the most expensive baseball stadium in the country down our throats telling us it would attract world class talent, revitalize downtown, yadda yadda. Shortly after it opened, all the star players left for more money elsewhere. Oh, then the Paul Allen Subsidy Bill was passed and we built a new stadium for the Seahawks, too. Guess it boosted morale enough for them to be spanked by the Steelers.

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  14. Jesus of AustinAugust 25, 2006

    Well, I have fun w/ retarded people, my son, but you go too far when you suggest that they should have all been aborted--as would a Nazi.

    I mean, watch the movie. It makes fun of retarded people in a good way. I'm not sure how to explain it.

    Well, all I know is I enjoyed the game I saw in Seattle last July. Funny thing. The game went into extra innings, tied 3-3, but everyone in the stadium left for the bars and the traffic... Oh well.

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  15. T_S_S,

    Agreeing with me was very brave. I'm proud of you.

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  16. Apart from its ridiculous content, that's also just a really awkwardly-worded lede.

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  17. The stadium will bring in revenue from tax dollars which will fund other programs such as health care and special needs care. The baseball stadium is an investment.

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  18. An investment that has already gone almost $200,000,000 over budget. That makes it a bad investment.

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  19. this_shithole_sucksAugust 25, 2006

    Geez, Rusty. After all of the nasty things I've said about you, you still have the courtesy to be nice to me? Hmm, maybe you aren't such a bad guy after all.

    Nah......

    Fuck the Nats. I hope the stadium burns down during the seventh inning stretch.

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  20. Jesus of AustinAugust 25, 2006

    And what about all of the losers who bought those Nats hats?

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  21. I as well have a retarded or should we say developmentally delayed.It is not really fun to compare criticize or make fun of the helpless.You should be more careful.The stadium deal will take money that earmarked for education.

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  22. Jesus of AustinAugust 25, 2006

    It's sad to imagine corporates and their clients drinking good liquor and eating well in those luxury boxes while the taxpayers toil and most of just route for the Red Sox or Yanks anyway.

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  23. I just am wondering why it costs $15,000 to investigate every death. That money could pay for some additional staff who care for the clients while they are alive.

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  24. d.c. spends more money per pupil than almost anywhere else in the country. i'll bet it spends boatloads on mentally retarded people too. it's not the funding that's the roblem, it's the management. the managers suck. more money is not the answer. firing bad bureaucrats is.

    the stadium argument is irrelevant. something for losers who couldn't play sports in high school to complain about.

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  25. this_shithole_sucksAugust 26, 2006

    I placed third on the long jump in the State finals in high school.

    Go fuck your mother, loser.

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  26. Fake Hispanic DudeAugust 26, 2006

    You're all a bunch of panheros....

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  27. my old landlady was finishing school to become some sort of certified special needs teacher, and brought all three of her kids to a ceremony at which she was going to be recognised for her work with the developmentally challenged. anyway they got to fussing and fidgetting so, and her son was making ridiculous faces, and before she knew it she bellowed at him, "ARE YOU RETARDED??"

    my point is this: it doesn't matter what kind of difference you make in the world, all that will matter to the folks within earshot is keeping up affronts. frickin hypocrites.

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  28. and thats why the retards, the elderly, and yes - the children, will continually get the shaft

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  29. that's some touching stuff. good commentary here.

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  30. I for one fully support the mentally retarded. How else would I find a parking spot in DC?

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