Mock the Turtle

The Washington City Paper is the most hit-or-miss rag in the city. Every now and then, the paper comes through with an insightful article detailing Washington's problems or Washington's unique history. Their story on the history of the Jumbo Slice is a personal favorite. Of course, the paper also has a reputation for their agenda-driven hit pieces that attack city government or city residents for no reason. Sometimes the paper is asinine to the point of absurdity.

I admit that yesterday's edition of the City Paper falls into the agenda-driven hit piece category. But there's nothing better than reading an agenda hit piece when you share the same agenda. So, props to the City Paper for absolutely tearing apart College Park and The University of Maryland.

In fact, the first section of this article is so sublime in its disdain for Maryland students that I felt all tingly inside while reading. Here are two glorious sample paragraphs:

"I don’t want to deal with the faggots,” says Mark, a 19-year-old freshman, on a recent Saturday night. He’s on his way to R.J. Bentley’s Filling Station, the Cornerstone’s neighbor and chief rival. The Cornerstone just has too many guidos, he says. “They spike their hair in this onion bloom.”

"Five junior women, Bentley’s regulars, offer detailed support for the contention: The Cornerstone is very Greek, plays “black-girl music,” and is filled with kids from New York and New Jersey who wear heels and gel up their hair. At Bentley’s, though, the dress is more casual. It plays “white-girl music” (the girls themselves are white), and it hosts a big contingent from Baltimore prep schools. If that’s not reason enough, three of the girls say they got their faces licked by random guys at the Cornerstone. “I was fingered!” says another of the girls, seemingly astonished by the recollection. “Yeah, I wasn’t happy about it,” she adds."

It's good to know that Maryland's rivalry with Duke has extended beyond basketball and into the realm of sexual assault. When the Maryland lacrosse team is accused of raping a stripper, will the students throw a celebratory riot?

Speaking of riots:

“I don’t know why they do it.” [Major Cathy] Atwell was shocked when she heard undergraduates saying it was the riots that inspired them to come to Maryland. An alum herself and a 28-year veteran of the university’s force, the major now sometimes roots for Maryland teams to lose.

It has been noted by University of Maryland apologists that the average GPA for incoming freshman at the University of Maryland is 3.9. Is that on an eight point scale? In my high school experience, the people getting straight-As were not the same people looking for an excuse to tip over cars and set trash cans on fire.

I know it's college and boys will be boys and girls will be girls. I'm sure there are even a few Georgetown students who have been fingerbanged at The Tombs. But this article presents the University of Maryland students as something different. They're presented as homphobic and racist little assholes looking to destory property and start fights. They're monsters. And, I must say, my personal experience with these Terrapin morons has done nothing to prove that theory wrong.

In 1912, a fire almost destroyed the entire campus. I still have my hopes up for an encore.


  1. "In 1912, a fire almost destroyed the entire campus. I still have my hopes up for an encore."

    Rusty, I don't know how long it took you to write that closing sentence, but whatever time was spent was absolutely worth it.

  2. Rusty,

    I'm a proud Terp alum. I think the article makes some good points from an urban planning perspective. The campus is in Prince Georges County, afterall, which hasn't always benefitted from the economic expansion in the DC area. You happened to go to AU, which is clearly in a wealthier area.

    However, I think the author interviewed some sleazy people and followed some depressing storylines for this article. There is a lot of great students and great groups in College Park. There is a lot of good news the author neglected to cover. (such as the fact that UM is the best public university in the DC Metro area. Not everyone can afford to pay $30K + per year for private schools like AU, even if they are superb students.)

    p.s. The article neglects to mention that the reason there isn't a larger, more happening bar scene in CP is because some of the bar owners sit on the City Council and keep rejecting applications for new liquor licenses/bars.

  3. I went to UM, and used to hang out at Cornerstone and Bentley's and that article is ON FUCKING POINT!!

    I can vividly piture the people giving those qoutes. I guarantee that at least 75% of them (guys and girls) were wearing those damned polos with the colar popped. And of those, at least 60% were pink.

    The kids there are racist little bitches. For example, and I swear I heard this like 10 times from different people, they don't go to Lupo's because there are too many "locals" (ie black people.)

    Then, whe those same "locals" started comming to Cornerstone, and the students started going to Bentley's, Cornerstone started charging $30 cover to any one without a college ID.

    I hate College Park!

  4. Just sent this article to my Terp alum boyfriend. Said that its all completely true.

  5. Anonymous #2, I know it isn't fair. It's an agenda-driven hit piece, remember!

    Anonymous #3, the cover is up to $50 if you don't have a military or college ID. What fucktards.

  6. As someone who finger bangs women at random, even I'm offended by those kids.

  7. What's wrong w/ a cover if it serves its purpose?

    Maybe the white college women don't want to be finger-banged by the local-yocals.

    Freedom of association. You can force multiculturalism on me to a point....

  8. i don't even know why you bother reading that trash.

    oh yeah, you can't afford to subscribe to any good journals--you don't even own a car.

    thas so tired, cracka.

  9. This is one of those instances where I just have so much trouble with the ongoing theory that DC, MD and VA are all culturally the same.

    Growing up in MoCo, I was *surrounded* by Terp fans. The majority of my high school classmates ended up there (well, there or MK). But in the six years I've been living in DC, I haven't met a single Maryland fan. Not one.

    I couldn't tell you what Virginians think about UMD. Because I hate that sorry ass state.

  10. I would realy like to take a camera and go interview the owners of Cornerstone as to how they justify charging a $50 cover.

    Maybe a reporter for the Diamondback who actualy gives a fuck should do it.

    That would be great journalism!

  11. I love Virginia, and I love to drink the milk of the cow--so shut up.

    All you liberal pansies should just go somewhere and wrestle with each other, especially YOU, Ted's Liver.

  12. rusty, you're an asshole.

    no town is perfect, and College Park is far from ideal, but those who survived 4+ years there know UMD was a fun place to go to school.

    the city of college park itself needs some work, admittedly. every student has their respective complaints (parking, lack of food/bar choices, asshole riot police, rte. 1 in general).

    bentleys, cornerstone, santa fe and lupos were a staple in my 4 years there, but as shitty as they are I loved them(even used to work at one) and the only reason I can talk trash on them because I WENT THERE. CP supported my college binge-drinking days when nobody else would. I met amazing people, survived 4 years (with a 4.0, I might add), and have fabulous memories thanks to those watering holes.

    also- you have NO RIGHT with the fire comment. a friend of mine died in a fire last year that was a result of arson. crime is a serious issue in that town, please do not make light of it.

    you are so out of line, and i'm normally a supporter of your rants. if you hate this area (and it's surrounding communities) so much, move.

  13. With all due respect to your friend, that fire was started because the same type of people described in that article were making fun of (harassing) somebody to the point that he decided to throw a burning broom on their porch.

    Goes to show you, you never know when someone will snap and fight back.

  14. right, because hate breeds only at maryland.

  15. I kind of like how this Maryland guy/gal liked me until I started making fun of something that he/she enjoyed. Suddenly, I'm not so funny.

    Grow a pair.

  16. Anonymous who thinks rusty is an asshole:
    I don't think Rusty is out of line, and I don't think UMD is just another place to meet great people and have a great time. I am glad that you had an overall good experience, but your poor friend died (and I am very sorry about that) because of a really toxic environment that a) permits some people to harass others and b) encourages people to think about setting fires when things go their way, or don't.
    Again, I am really sorry about your friend.

  17. Be wary of people on the
    internet(s) who pull the "Shut up, stupid! My uncle/friend/grandmother died in ______".

    Anona-wuss probably made it up.

  18. Regardless of whether "Rusty's an asshole" anonymous above actually lost someone in that fire, it's true that people have died, and that crime is a serious problem.
    It is not true that that problem is divorced from the attitudes of students at UMD, specifically, those who think their college is great because their drinking problems were enabled by the college and surrounding town.

  19. 4+ years?
    Binge drinking and graduated with a 4.0?

    Yes, Maryland sounds like an EXCELLENT school from your description.

  20. Rusty,

    Why are you so obsessed with the University of Maryland? It’s become very obvious that you have some kind of agenda against the school. 90% of the students are horrified by the riots that have happened and condemn them. But the last time that even happened was about 8 months ago and yet you still write about it. I think you’re just pissed because you got rejected by some umd students who saw you for the anti-social ass that you are. Get the fuck over it and focus on your own life.

  21. I've been pretty clear about my reasons...I've met a small sample of UMD students and every one has been a total douchebag. That, in combination with the UMD tendency to riot like ignorant assholes, has left me the opinion that Terrapins are cancers to the Metro area.

    I've been waiting for two years for a UMD student to prove me wrong and it just hasn't happened.

  22. If that’s how feel about umd students then fine. I think its ridiculous to judge a 40,000+ student body based on a few individuals you've met but then again you’re a very prejudice person. I just don’t understand you’re obsession with Maryland.

  23. Rusty has shown time and again how deeply prejudiced he is: againt white people, republicans and UMD students.

    --AU alumnus

  24. I take that as a compliment.

    Although I really do like Republicans...I just don't like stupid arguments based on specious reasoning (looking at conservative with a brain).

  25. as a proud alum of UMD and a frequent reader of this blog, it doesn't bother me at all when rusty makes fun of UMD students. the sad reality remains most college students are in fact, douche bags. now I'm at Georgetown for law school, and the douchiness is just as bad. people smack my ass and try to get up my skirt, boys in pink polos call boys they don't like faggots.

    I read the article and admit it's dead on. they did miss some things, as people above me have said, like the fact that UMD's budget has been slashed in recent years and before they can try to rebuild route 1 they are working on finding housing for the 900 kids on the waiting list, and building more facilities. UMD as it stands, can only accomodate about 70% of students and this is their first priority before they can make a "kicking bar scene." that being said, it was a great four years for about 1/4th of the cost of my georgetown law education.

    p.s. we beat duke in soccer this weekend, and didn't riot. small steps, my friend, small steps.

  26. Rusty, thanks for reminding me about porn. I just whipped it out.

    My credit card. $30.

    It's just one big wankathon up in here.

    Seriously, ivantofuckalot.com

  27. Jesus Christ, I'm out of control here.

  28. I'm going to have to join a support group. Take it one day at a time.

  29. UMD has its fair share of frat bros with popped collars, as does nearly every university. all those bars/clubs/whatever in college park are also horrible and anyone who hangs out at them sucks and is very into date rape. i have never been in one of those shitholes.

    however, you need to get over your jealousy of maryland, as i am sure that was your real motivation for writing this post. you paid (or are paying?) 30 grand a year to go to a mediocre school and you seem to have a problem that a public school a few miles away ranks higher by 30 points in the undergrad category and has a law school that is actually in the first tier. i am sure there are other us news categories that american fails at, but i cannot think of any off the top of my head. stop lashing out and try to get over pissing away 120 grand for no good reason.

  30. actually, american law school somehow moved about ten spots from last year and is now #43. bully for them niggas. i wonder if they'll be knocked out again like they were three years ago.

  31. My real motivation, and I hate having to explain this over and over, is that every UMD student I have met is an asshole. And everytime they're in the news, it's for rioting.

    If I had a choice between AU and UMD I would take AU everytime.

    But, most importantly, this happened:

    That's where my passive hatred for UMD became very, very active.

  32. agree- best last line ever.

    College Park sucks.

  33. Another Terp alum (and current AU law student).

    It really isn't a bid deal that Rusty points out how many douches go/went to UMD. The place is rawling with asshats. I was able to avoid them for the most part and really enjoyed my 4 years there.

    I will just point out that if you sit on the mall at Maryland and the quad (or wahtever they call it) at AU, you will see a much higher percentage of popped-collar douches at AU. Just sayin.

  34. AU students can be accused of lots of things (*cough* spoiled brats *cough*), but they are not generally racist or homophobic.

    Also, no rioting.

  35. I am a proud terp alumni, and I was appaled by this article and by your response. The people that I knew at Maryland were intelligent, open-minded, kind, motivated and interesting. I met people from diverse backgrounds, and I largely credit the university with giving me a more liberal attitude. Yes, there were jerks who went to the school, but it's a public school. I promise you will find racist assholes at every university in the country. They may not be as overt in their actions, but they are there.
    In 2004, Maryland voted 5 to 1 for Kerry. We're not all Republican assholes. If you think all terps are idiots, you've been meeting the wrong ones.
    ps- I've met a lot of assholes from Georgetown and George Washington. Just because you go to private university does not mean that you're a great person.

  36. I never accused UMD of being conservative. Even if the students were all Young Republicans, I wouldn't hold that against them. I have only judged UMD students on their behavior.

    Final judgement: UMD students are asshats.

    (As for the private/public school thing, that's a joke. I went to a private high school so I would tease my friends for going to dirty public and/or charter schools. Just a joke

    There are plenty of awesome public universities. Maryland is not one of them.)

  37. 90% of the students are horrified by the riots that have happened and condemn them. But the last time that even happened was about 8 months ago and yet you still write about it.

    um, the reason there haven't been any riots in 8 months is because Maryland hasn't won any big sporting events in 8 months. and if there really *was* that big of a condemnation of the riots, eventually they would stop. from what I've seen, they've only gotten worse. however, I don't live in College Park, nor do I choose to, so if the students want to continue to "celebrate" big wins by destroying the town in which they live, who am I to try to stop them?

  38. I find it quite ridiculous that you base all Maryland alumni by a few guys that screwed you over in Silver Spring. Most Maryland alumni are intelligen and fun people. In fact, I'm sure you interact with Maryland alumni every day living down here. So why don't you stop stereotyping, and actually get to know more than four people before you start judging all Maryland alumni.

    Also, I think its interesting that the City Paper wrote that about Cstone and Bentley's. When I went to CP (only a few years ago), Cstone was where everyone normal went. Bentley's was the place for obnoxious fratholes and sorostitutes, as well as all of the dirty athletes and cheerleaders. Guess times have changed.

    By the way.. now I go to Catholic Law, and know people that attend many of the other private universitites in the area. Maryland trumps them everytime. DC undergrads are obnoxious.

  39. "There are plenty of awesome public universities. Maryland is not one of them"

    and it outranks AU by 30 spots. what does that say about your alma mater?

  40. "um, the reason there haven't been any riots in 8 months is because Maryland hasn't won any big sporting events in 8 months. and if there really *was* that big of a condemnation of the riots, eventually they would stop. from what I've seen, they've only gotten worse. however, I don't live in College Park, nor do I choose to, so if the students want to continue to "celebrate" big wins by destroying the town in which they live, who am I to try to stop them"

    So if you dont live in College park or go to umd then who the fuck are you to talk? If you had ever actually seen one of the riots you would know that its only a few hundred kids(mostly frat guys from NY not DC). Thats a fraction of Maryland's 40,000+ student body. Having gone to the school I know that most students think the riots are embaressing. However you feel that you know more about the school and how people on campus feel than me because you saw a story about the riots on channel 4 or read about it in the paper. You dont have a fucking clue so please shut up.

  41. Rusty is a whiny baby.