10.15.2007

Assholes

So, I'm walking out of my luxurious American University Park group house this morning when a shiny Beamer with Maryland plates parallel parks in front of my house. I cross the street and watch a woman step out with a cup of yogurt. She drops it on the street right in front of my home.

I give this woman the stink eye. We make stink eye contact. She responds by kicking the yogurt under her stupid fucking BMW so I couldn't have picked up the litter even if I wanted to.

What a bitch. What a selfish whore.

And, yeah, there was a trash can 15 yards away.

What would have been the right move? I just walked away. Should I have gone back and grabbed the yogurt cup? Maybe I should have yelled at her? What would you do?

I hope someone keys her car.
Posted by Rusty at 9:26 AM

16 comments:

  1. AlexOctober 15, 2007

    step 1: smear the yogurt on her windshield.
    step 2:
    step 3: profit!

    ReplyDelete
  2. ErieOctober 15, 2007

    I see three options:

    1. Take down her license plate (or rather, let her see you take it down). This is to spook her. Warning: she probably won't give a shit.

    2. Make a big show of climbing under her car, getting the yogurt cup, and placing it atop her car. This is to shame her when she comes back. Warning: she probably won't give a shit.

    3. Pick up the yogurt cup and lovingly wedge it on top of her tire. She won't notice till she starts driving and it makes a weird sound. With any luck it will get stuck and she'll have to stop her car to remove it, and notice what it was. Warning: she might come back and get you.

    4. Calmly verbally shame her. Warning: this could be totally fun for you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousOctober 15, 2007

    "I hope someone keys her car."

    Typical cowardly Rusty. Why didn't you do it yourself? I love how about 75 percent of your posts end with "I hope someone else does something bad to that bad person (but not me--that would require balls, which I don't have.)

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownOctober 15, 2007

    I find that taking the high road often works. Say something like, "do me a favor and pick that up"

    ReplyDelete
  5. Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.comOctober 15, 2007

    Nothing sends a message like vintage dog excrement on BMW door handles. I bet that trash can has some, conveniently wrapped in plastic.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousOctober 15, 2007

    was she hot?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Rick RottmanOctober 15, 2007

    How'd you know it was yogurt? Did you taste it?

    ReplyDelete
  8. CHASS Research, Extension, Engagement and Economic DevelopmentOctober 15, 2007

    Read the book sick puppy by Carl Hiassen. Do what the protagonist in the book does (hint: it involves "borrowing" a garbage truck and dumping the garbage on the Beemer. Don't do it on your street--follow her to Silver Spring or Columbia or Clustermansioniana or wherever she's from. Of course, this against the law.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Felonius MonkOctober 15, 2007

    I woulda followed her inside loudly asking her to please come back outside and pick her litter up.Then again,I'm pretty much a prick.

    ReplyDelete
  10. CatzmawOctober 15, 2007

    If you really want to get back at her why don't you post her license plates and a complete description of her and the car?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Marc JacobsonOctober 16, 2007

    Go to the 7-11, buy some super glue. Then super glue the yogurt cup to her car.

    ReplyDelete
  12. UnknownOctober 16, 2007

    "...keys her car."

    I was a total pussy once; I keyed a car. But the guy deserved it.

    I bough a new Acura TL. The FIRST weekend parked in DuPont Circle, a guy parked his old ass Nissan Pickup ON MY BUMPER! I am not freakin' kidding!!!!

    I was so pissed I carved the Bill of Rights on the bed and door of that bitch.

    So for about 10 seconds it was TOTAL ecstasy; then 2 days of guilt.

    It's kinda like f*ckin' the fat guy.

    :(

    ReplyDelete
  13. adampetermannOctober 16, 2007

    i had the same thing happen to me walking down by union station... this lady finished her breakfast and threw the wrapper on the ground with such disregard that i snapped. i looked her in the eye and called her a "fucking pig" i doubt it changed her demeanor but it made me feel better

    ReplyDelete
  14. BobOctober 16, 2007

    http://naas.blogspot.com/2007/04/happy-earth-day-yesterday-sunday-april.html

    This is what I did in a similar situation. Ultimately, it was unfulfilling, but I'm glad I said something.

    ReplyDelete
  15. BobOctober 16, 2007

    http://naas.blogspot.com/2007/04/happy-earth-day-
    yesterday-sunday-april.html

    ReplyDelete
  16. Righteous (re)StyleOctober 21, 2007

    Ironically, you posted this blog on Blog Action Day when the focus was the environment. People in DC are so damn obnoxious about their habits and are completely ignorant of the waste they create. Like these people who just left a table full of trash at the cafe I'm sitting at - not even thinking that it would probably be a good idea to bus the damn table. UGH.

    ReplyDelete

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