Pandering Assholes

While I was on Cape I got an angry call and text message from my friend regarding the Red Sox. Well, not the Red Sox, but rather Rhino Bar.

I hate Rhino Bar. Hate, hate, hate. I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: I hate the Georgetown crowd, I hate Georgetown prices, and I hate Georgetown collars. The last time I went to Rhino was for the Patriots-Eagles Super Bowl. The place considers itself to be a big Eagles bar so my friend and I got there first to be contrarian assholes and celebrate after the Eagles inevitably lost.

The thing is, the place is a Red Sox bar too. That's right. Check out the bottom of their website. The place affiliates itself with the Boston Red Sox, Philadelphia Eagles, Syracuse Orange, Ohio State Buckeyes, and the Penn State Nittany Lions. The last two teams are especially egregious since they're conference rivals. That's like being a R***kins and Cowboys bar.

So, Rhino has a huge banner on their balcony. "Go Red Sox!" and other stuff like that. So my friend wants to go to Rhino and get good and toasted on Saturday night while watching the game with his fellow Sox fans.

Except Rhino refuses to show the game.

The bar with a gigantic Red Sox banner is only showing the Penn State-Ohio State football game on Saturday night. I guess two loyalties playing each other somehow trumpets the World Fucking Series.

I don't ask for sympathy. Boston sports fans certainly don't need it. A lot of Internet space has been devoted to talking about just how good it must feel to root for Boston teams in 2007. And, man, it does feel good.

Red Sox fans, especially the countless "pink hats" that sprouted up after 2004, are a dime-a-dozen. They're so dime-a-dozen that I understand why a bar would want to tap into that fan base. But inorganic sports allegiances disgust me. And Rhino, just like almost every other Georgetown bar, is strikingly inorganic.


  1. This post reminded me that I don't know what a "Nittany" is. Because I'm sure you're all curious as well, I took the initiative to look it up. "Nittany" is, in fact, the name of a mountain in Centre County, PA home to Penn State's main campus. The Nittany Lion is a fictional mountain lion, created to scare off Penn State's rivals.

    For more on fictional mountain lions, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Fictional_mountain_lions .

  2. They went to f'ing Rhino Bar in f'ing Georgetown to watch a WS game. "Chump don't want the help, chump don't get the help. Jive ass dudes ain't got no brains anyhow."

  3. Off topic, but saw your comment over at DCist on the whole 'crack whore alley' debacle. All I can say is congrats - you've officially turned into the whiney, humorless DC prig this blog is supposed to be attacking.

    You deserve DC.

  4. inorganic sports allegiances? what does that even mean?

  5. dan - thanks for reminding me about the crack whore alley item...I forgot to check that out when I got home last night...is it indeed as NSFW as advertised?

  6. Do you want to hate Georgetown even more? Then be sure to go there tonight for the horrible spectacle of Halloween.

  7. Dan,

    A dude fucking another dude in an alley for crack is never, and will never, be funny.

    If you could tell me where you find the humor in that situation I would be much obliged. Is the gay sex the funny part? Or is it just that the sex was public that's funny?

    Regardless, if you really think public sex in that depressing context is oh so hilarious then please go fuck yourself.

    Or spend time living with a real honest-to-God drug addict. Not a fun experience.

    Obviously you struck a chord here. "Humorless prig"? There are some things that aren't funny. I mentioned this film in my DCist comment but it bears repeating: Were you guffawing at the end of Requiem For A Dream? Because I don't know a single person who found the end of that movie enjoyable. So it's horrible in fiction, but in real life it's hilarious?

    Some things aren't funny. Last Halloween I mentioned blackface. It's never funny, never OK. I guess this Halloween I have to remind some people that desperate acts by drug addicts are depressing as Hell and not for our enjoyment.

  8. I know. It's so shameful, isn't it Rusty? Sigh. What is the world coming to? Tsk tsk.

    And 'Requiem for a Dream'? Haven't seen it. I might suck cock, but I'm not that gay.

  9. Rusty,
    Thank you so, so much for your comment on the DCist. When I saw those pictures, it made me alternately sick to my stomach/want to cry. There is nothing funny about seeing two people who obviously are at the rock bottom, and then to have a bunch of priviledged assholes act as if they've choosen that path for themselves...seeing that pretty much ruined my day.

  10. Thanks, lola's keeper.

    Man, there's a good thing to hate about DC. People think drug addicts are hilarious.

    Then again, Dan's comment (#8) is proof positive that he is unable to identify what is funny and what is stupid.

  11. Also, I should reiterate that I 100% agree with Sommer's decision to post the link to those photos. Lots of people see the crack epidemic as their problem. Something that only happens to black people across the river.

    Well, it's our problem. That shit happened around Dupont Circle. The crack epidemic is alive and well and I'm glad Sommer used her platform to remind people of that.

  12. The Red Sox are the new Yankees.

  13. There's a Marion Barry joke in there somewhere, but I'm too appalled to find it.

  14. rusty is a sanctimonious crybaby. news flash.

    i still like this blog, though.

  15. it's okay to hate DC people because they think drug addicts are hilarious? i don't know, seems like an awful lot of people found that chapelle show crack head skit funny. chris rock has made a few crack head jokes in his time too. seems like rusty might enjoy life a bit more if he wasn't so self-righteous.

  16. Coffee:

    Actor playing crackhead = humorous social commentary

    Real life crackheads exchanging sex for drugs in public alleyway = sad

  17. Coffee, I agree that it's funny at first but when you stop to THINK about it, it's depressing. Unprotected sex in a back alley involving crack or meth? Those are two individuals who've lost control of thier lives and are risking more than a ticket for public sex. I hope they're getting tested for STD's and HIV, but they probably aren't. This impacts you because it's possible that man is on the "DL" and sleeps with straight women.

    I can venture to guess what the diaper is about. Let's just say that boy does things you'd never think possible with a bowling ball pin, but doesnt remember it the next day because he was cracked out at the time.

  18. I like this entry, mainly due to Rusty's use of the phrase, "inorganic sports allegiances." I noticed that commenter, coffee, had asked what it meant, and this query had not yet been addressed. It means, of course, that the sports allegiances are produced without the use pesticides.

    *chuckle chuckle*

    All joking aside, it means that the sports allegiances didn't arise naturally, in a sense, and instead were artificially imposed with an end in mind -- probably profits in this case.

    Ludwig Wittgenstein disliked the idea of Esperanto for similar reasons. Although the man-made language could have easily helped peoples communicate with one another, he felt that (according to Rudolf Carnap's biography of him)"a language which had not 'grown organically' seemed to him not only useless but despicable."

  19. Amen to hating Rhino Bar. That place is a freaking rip-off! It was actually the first bar that I went to after moving out here from San Diego. For two hours of drinking with 6 friends, our tab was over $450. Ridiculous. I am a huge Red Sox fan and was born in Boston. Try Stetson's Bar on U Street, but honestly, I enjoy watching the games at Crystal City Sports Bar.