In the last few years, as more young professionals and empty nesters have bought homes in the nation's capital, D.C. has shifted from being a city of chilly Federal buildings to a place where cutting-edge restaurants, late-night cafés, and underground bars open more frequently than local politicians are busted for scandals.
This is the second paragraph. No "spots" have been mentioned and I'm already annoyed. I love how people pretend that DC used to be stuffy but now it's very chic. Well, it's still stuffy and these young professionals and empty nesters are a big part of the problem. Nothing says "hip" like a single ladder-climbing lawyer in his 30s. As if that's any better than being a "stuffy" legislative assistant.
So, here's the list. With some comments of course.
Proof: 775 G St. NW, 202/737-7663, wine from $6.50Portraits of George Washington and Hillary Clinton flash across flat-screens above the bar. Proof, like many things in the nation's capital, was inspired by the founding fathers. In this case, it's a nod to Benjamin Franklin, whom the bar quotes as saying, "Wine is proof that God loves us."
Oh. This sounds great. Pictures of Hillary Clinton and George Washington? Count me in!
The quote they're referring to is most likely bullshit too. It's always attributed to Bejamin Franklin, but more often than not he's talking about beer. Google sides with me on this one.
Brasserie Beck: 1101 K St. NW, 202/408-1717, beer from $7Who wants to have a good time on 11th and K? That's a dead zone. And if the cheapest beer is $7, then how the Hell can it be listed under "budget travel" on CNN? Seven dollar beers do not fit in the budget of anyone I know.
Central Michel Richard: 1001 Pennsylvania Ave. NW, 202/626-0015, "faux gras" terrine $14Another dead zone. Who wants to get their drink on by the Federal Triangle?
Ben's Chili Bowl: 1213 U St. NW, 202/667-0909, chili $5
This may be blasphemous, but I consider Ben's Chili Bowl to be outrageously overrated. Their half smokes are fine. Their chili and fries are disgusting. And it's always so busy. Why does Ben's get such a good rep when anyone with a half-working brain knows to avoid Steak 'n' Egg at all costs?I mean, I know the reason why. It's because Ben's has been around forever. So why in the name of Fuck is it listed as a NEW hot spot!?
HR-57: 1610 14th St. NW, 202/667-3700, cover from $8Never been. Can't comment.
Busboys and Poets: 2021 14th St. NW, 202/387-7638, pizza from $8
Only been once. The gazpacho was a disaster. No flavor and terrible texture. If they messed up something as easy as gazpacho, then I'm not exactly eager to try their pizza.
Bourbon: 2321 18th St. NW, 202/332-0800, from $5
I like the one in Glover Park more.
The decor is inspired by the 1970s, with gold-and-white wallpaper and cushiony leather couches -- but there's no sitting around after 10 p.m., when DJs spin disco.
That sounds like a blast. Disco? Disco is past the point of even ironic enjoyment.
I would have thought that CNN would be hard-pressed to make the city seem less bearable than the reality on the ground. But here we are. There's the usual ignorance of anyone or anything in Northeast or Southeast. And then they cherry-picked some of the worst parts of Northwest to boot.
Really, the best case scenario here is for some tourist to follow CNN's advice, have the worst time of their life (I would rather dick around the monuments than drink on 11th and K), and then Google "I hate DC." And then they will find me and they can know that they are not alone.
And to them I say, "Welcome."