Quality, Comfort, and Price (That's Nice)

Mention "Bernie & Phyl's" to a New Englander and you're going to hear the jingle that's doubling as the title to this post. For some reason, local furniture suppliers have a large place in the heart of Massholes. It's like the Eastern Motors (your job's your credit, credit!) of Massachusetts.

When DC does have furniture commercials, well, my God. I think these atrocities speak for themselves:


I know there is something deeply offensive about these commercials (other than the surplus of man titties). But I can't quite my finger on it. It's such a bombardment of crazy.

These commercials have been all over Bravo this week. I can't imagine anyone watching Millionaire Matchmaker* finding these commercials persuasive. Hell, I can't think of anyone finding these commercials persuasive or even entertaining. What's the target audience here?

I guess the most offensive thing about the commercials is the assumption that people in the DC media market are so stupid that they'd be impressed by two shirtless dudes waving American flags and an unattractive woman shaking her ass. They're banking on the stupidity of DC furniture buyers.

Unfortunately, that might not be a bad idea.

*I admit watching Millionaire Matchmaker is basically the equivalent of me voluntarily giving up anything resembling some sort of moral high ground. Whatever. Watching an asshole fix up rich assholes with shallow assholes while her asshole employees plot a mutiny is incredibly compelling television. Now I need to take a shower.


  1. Bernie and Phil's... quality, comfort and price... that's right!

    Hi, I'm Barry and I'm Elliot... you should come to Jordan's Furniture for a couch sale we're having this week!

  2. God those commercials are awful. Clearly they saved a bundle on production costs by filming that shit themselves. But say what you will, the commercials must work for them. As a small business owner, I've have looked into tons of advertising methods (including television). It's quite expensive to run a commercial at any time, and especially so during prime time. Obviously business is good for them as I see these commercials constantly. They have the money to buy the slots, wonder where it comes from. That ratty-ass furniture and mattresses cannot be bringing in that much money. Hmmmm…wonder what percentage they take while cashing those checks.

    Rusty: Your TV viewing choices….almost as bad as the America’s Furniture commercials. :o(

  3. Aww, I wish we could get some Bernie and Phil or Jordan's YouTube action down here.

    Anyone seen the commercial for Gallow's Video in Worcester? "Fit 'em in theah!"

    Good stuff.

  4. @least Jordan's gave people a bunch of free furniture when the Red Sox won the world series.

  5. I had the exact same thought- why in the hell are they on during the Millionaire Matchmaker? And why am I oddly obsessed with this stupid show?

    For the best in WTF advertising, no one can beat the Eagleman commercials of Chicago.

  6. I can't move across the Potomac fast enough after that incredible display of DC sophistication. Wow.

  7. Wow.

    Well, the store is in Anacostia, so you can't say the "production team" doesn't know its target demographic.

  8. That'just not right. Just because you CAN do something does not mean you SHOULD do something.

    Having said that, in a dirty kinda way it got my attention...BEDs, BUTTS, and BREAST (on the woman and men).....

    I think I need a new coffee table.