Trick-or-Treat vs. Shoot-or-Stab

I can't imagine growing up in DC. I cannot relate at all. There are so few middle to lower-middle class families living in the city, and most of them are childless young professionals who happen to fit the tax bracket description. So as a kid, you're probably either setup in a nice neighborhood like Cleveland Park or Wisconsin Avenue, or condemned to living in crapsville which is... well... most everywhere else. Now think about what its like to go Trick-or-Treating, door to door, as a kid in Washington, DC.

The other day the Washington Post reported that a 15-year old boy shot a 13 year old girl in Northeast. She survived, thank God, but does anyone believe the streets of NE will be safer tonight than any other night?

Last night my apartment building distributed flyers warning residents not to answer their doors for anyone wearing a costume or face mask. I know, I know... nobody goes trick-or-treating in a rent controlled building in Southwest, so fair warning. But that's not going to stop me from blaming DC for ruining Halloween.

If you go party hoping tonight, start out someplace like Woodly. Then later take a quick drive down North Capitol. Just don't leave your car. You won't see ornate pumpkin carvings or cutesy politically themed costumes (btw this year I almost went as the girl who scratched the backwards "B" on her face but I figured that will be done to death tonight just like Joe the Plumber).

No, the difference is that the guy dressed like an old homeless man, well, he's really an old homeless man. The young lady dressed like a hooker? She's trickin' allright. Those screams coming from a dimly lit house? Domestic violence. The dead body in the front yard? Not plastic.

To close on a completely different topic, I got a parking ticket the other day. It was signed by meter-maid "K. Hunt" (for real). Heh.


  1. I find it amusing that people of my parents' generation would dress up for Halloween as "hobos." It was OK to denigrate the mentally ill and homeless, then.

    "Hey, look at me! I'm crazy poor guy, give me some candy!"

    I might as well go as the older black guy from downstairs who asks me for a cigarette every time I see him. Every time, I tell him I don't smoke.

  2. King...

    2008 is SHIT

    You should have been here for Halloween back in the late 80s and early 90s.

    Especially 1991.
    Our peak year for Homicides.

    DC is a suburban gated community right now compared to back then.

  3. I love king friday ... if only you had replaced rusty, i would of had happier years :(

  4. Where I'm from, trick or treat night is on a different night of the week and never on Halloween night.

    No one could ever explain to me why. I always thought it had something to do with fooling people who wanted to harm kids.

    Maybe they should try that here? LOL.

  5. Love Live King Friday ... Death to Rusty!

  6. I don't trust the kids in my NE hood. They slash tires and bust windows and mug people at gun point. Why the Hell am I going to give them any candy? Best be careful, I might pull a gun on your mini-thug self!

  7. finally, this blog is worth reading again

  8. "I almost went as the girl who scratched the backwards "B" on her face but I figured that will be done to death tonight "

    Ya don't say?

    Can we have a post about how many Ashley Todds, Joe the Plumbers and Sarah Palins were worn by the of-so-creative YUPPIE residents of this city? Like, could you stay sober enough to give us a ballpark count?

    I'm a pushing-40 old bag from Alexandria, so I won't be seeing any of it.

  9. I'm a pushing-40 old bag from Alexandria, so I won't be seeing any of it.

    As a kid growing up I enjoyed generation x 20 somethings a hell of a lot more than I enjoy the current generation y 20 somethings of my generation.

    I really enjoyed the 1990s.

    The 2000s not so much.

    The 2000s have been LAME.

    All around, the 1990s were much more fun than now.

  10. http://keithiskneedeepinmud.blogspot.com/2007/10/crack-is-whack.html

    Trick or Treat. Depends on your preference.

    One more reason to LOVE or HATE DC...

  11. it is a delight that this blog is in the hands of a capable man rather than in those of an incompetent, unreliable woman. welcome back, whyihatedc.

  12. The last time DC was any fun was when all of the 20 somethings in the city were generation x'ers. Once generation y started getting into their early 20s it was all downhill from there. Now that 20 somethings are all generation y, well that explains why everything in DC sucks now.

  13. Did anyone forget that Rusty is a douche?

  14. I grew up in DC. The closest I've ever come to being mugged (knock wood) was for candy on Halloween circa 1986. My friend & I were half a block from the police substation by Eastern Market, and a group of about 4 teenagers came running past us. They snatched our candy and tore my dress. Assholes.

  15. I'm just wondering, when you say "DC" are you referring to only the white part of DC?

    "There are so few middle to lower class families in DC" is insanely wrong. Perhaps you forgot about the non-yuppies, you know, the ones that all the yuppies subsidize. The reason our taxes are insanely high.

    Anyway, I live in Columbia Heights. We had lots of kids trick or treating. Some of them were even white! Sure, there are really bad neighborhoods in DC, such as the one where the incident you describe took place. There are really bad neighborhoods in ALL cities.

    But by describing everywhere other than a couple wealthy enclaves as "crapsville" says to me that you're as suburban as Rusty and would probably be happier living somewhere nice and bland like Reston where you don't have to deal with anyone who's not rich and white. A place where your biggest problem will be figuring out which identical townhouse is yours when you are drunk. And your hour-long commute of course.

    DC is a fucking blast on halloween. I went to five random house parties in Columbia Height, Mt. Pleasant, U Street and Petworth, everyone was dressed in costume and having a fantastic time. My friends and I hitchhiked from Mt. Pleasant to U street at 1:30 AM. It was fun as shit. I didn't get shot.

    I'm guessing a lot more people died in Virginia in drunk driving accidents than got shot on Halloween in DC.

  16. You know, bloggers tend to roll their eyes and mock me when I get annoyed by things like this, but what the hell...I'm a condescending bastard, so here goes:

    If you're gonna write a blog about Washington and how much you think it sucks, would it be too much trouble to read a map once in a while? Wisconsin Ave is not a neighborhood. (Your point stands, of course, because everyone knows that Wisc Ave exclusively runs through lilly-white wealthy neighborhoods, but lazy writing makes me crazy).

    I know it's a nit pick, but I'm just that damned insecure.

  17. Anon, I hate to tell you this but bloggers aren't rolling their eyes at you because you point out little errors. No, they're rolling their eyes because you insist that you're right even when you're wrong. And let me tell you, nothing annoys a writer more than a person who can't critically think. So I'll spoon feed you...
    Look on a map... do you see anything named Wisconsin Avenue? Perhaps a long black line that runs through NW labeled Wisconsin Avenue? Yes, it's called a road. Is there a single contiguous neighborhood that runs along the entire stretch of Wisconsin Avenue? Nope. So what would you call that area? Well, I do because I lived there for three years and you know what my neighbors called it? Wisconsin Avenue. Perhaps next time I'll dumb it down for you and be more descript. Next time I'll just say, "Cleveland Park AND that area in northwest that’s upper class but isn’t generally depicted or referenced as a particular neighborhood so therefore I'll call it Wisconsin Avenue because surely SURELY my readers are smart enough to deduce that that’s what I’m talking about." Clear enough for you?

  18. Fair enough. It was an awkward piece of writing, and I was being petty by calling you out on it. I knew what you were getting at, but I said it anyway because (as I stated up front) I am condescending and insecure.

    Oddly enough, my experience with folks who lived off Wisc Ave is that they're actually fairly territorial about which neighborhood they live in (most *especially* folks on the Wisconsin Ave border of Cleveland Park, who tend to bristle at being referred to or otherwise thought of as Tenley or Glover residents - it's a distinction that undoubtedly meant more back in the 1950's/1960's, but still exists among the handfull of generational families in Clevland Park).

    Whatever. It's a silly pissing match. Suffice it to say that I just have a different experience than you. Because I'm just so damned fascinating.

    To myself.

  19. Anon, while we can agree to disagree, you are spot on when you point out that some residents don't take kindly to being lumped in with the tenley rabble. What do you say we pretend it was meant as an insult to all of Wisconsin Ave.

  20. I grew up in DC. You have no idea. Blehhh.