11.03.2008

"Me Fail English? Unimpossible!"

The other day I found in my mailbox a copy of the DC Voters' Guide. You know, those booklets that list the different ballot measures and candidates from Mayor, to town dogcatcher, to fake Congresswoman. Towards the back they have statements written by the candidates themselves. I read through most of them, and they were all boring, with the exception of one gold nugget in Ward 8's Board of Education race.

This is one of those things that makes you wonder if the District's schools system will ever be fixed. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Chanda McMahan who thought it best to use a single incoherent run-on sentence to highlight her educational qualifications. I didn't alter her words. This is what she, a school board candidate (AND teacher?), actually provided:
"The statement of a candidate that declares my information deemed necessary to protect the qualified experiences of/and the integrity for the School Board's Participation are the 10 years of experience of Teaching in the Public Schools and the priorities which process the stature of qualified participation to support the focus of the school's mission and accomplishments that defend the appropriate education-with rights to an adequate education."
DC Board of Elections and Ethics. District of Columbia Voter's Guide. 2008 ed. Page 48.
Oh Ward 8, you never disappoint.

***UPDATE***
Egads! I've been informed that the DCist apparently posted a story that's very similar to mine and didn't give me credit or even bother linking. They even used my "gold nugget" analogy. F. U., DCist. I may be new to the blog scene, but I'm holding my own and want credit if not for me than for Why I Hate DC. In the immortal words of Bugs Bunny-- "Of course you realize, this means war." Prepare to receive an envelope in your mailbox that's stuffed full of poop.

27 comments:

  1. i recognized this writing style a mile away...because i work with college students. and this is how they write. this is exactly how they write.

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  2. Friday,

    Obviously you haven't spent enough time around African Americans. (I once took Spanish classes at the University of the District of Columbia.)

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. But I have a healthy appreciate for those who don't speak English too well. I went out to grab some lunch w/ my Indian friend, a Hindu, and I explained to him that I like to "drink the milk of the cow."

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  5. William Lockridge, right below hers, is even worse. There are at least six obvious grammatical and punctuation errors.

    Actually, Niccola Reed's is equally bad. Though she sums it up nicely with "I was a student in the DC public school system" (ending with no period, and no indication that she is a graduate of said fine system).

    I have to wonder if hers is actually a joke? One of her accomplishments listed is "Owner of Figgles and Giggles Incorporated."

    Anyway, up to our usual standards of hilarity in local politics, but I have to ask, where's Vermin Supreme this year?

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  6. She must be a journalist.

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  7. I mean, I hate to pick nits. Publicly, anyway. I hate to appear to be a nitpicker. But c'mon, man, don't misquote the Simpsons. "Me fail English? That's unpossible."

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  8. MBG, You're right. I have indeed shamed myself as a man.

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  9. DC public school children are notorious for having their own language only understood by other DC public school children.

    KnoWhatI'mSayinYO?

    NahMean?

    YouBamma!

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  10. HRH KF XIII-
    Thought you needed this information, if you didn't already have it: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081103/ap_on_go_ot/stevens_trial

    Wowsa.

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  11. Friday-

    I wrote the piece on DCist. Read my response to your invective in the comments section there. Then take a chill pill.

    -Josh

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  12. Josh, IF THAT'S YOUR REAL NAME (I've always wanted to say that), my post is time stamped 7am this morning. Your post isn't time stamped but your first comment appeared at 11am. So color me skeptical.

    In any event, we both look like douchebags for acting like this matters. And besides, the poo is in the mail sooooo.

    I had corn.

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  13. I'm with "Josh" on this one. You have no credibility because

    1) You were awake and blogging at 7 AM. Any "real" journalist would either be well passed out, or still be awake drinking. Not blogging. Or maybe you actually live in Alaska where it's five hours earlier!!

    2) You can edit the time stamp in your posts. You think you're the only one who's ever used a blog before?

    In fact I put forward that it is YOU that plaigarized DCist and this is nothing more than a smokescreen to divert attention from the lameness of your lame story.

    So go crawl in a hole and die, Mr. "HRH King Friday XII" .... if that's even your real name!!!

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  14. Jamie... that hurts, man. (woman?) And did you just call me a journalist???

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  15. You shoudna used the J-word. You shouldna done that.

    He's just a boy....

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  16. Awww shit. You're right, I wish I could take it back but the damage is done. Just like a good cock fight, it all started out in good fun but then it went too far.

    I'm so Mr. King Friday XII. Don't worry you aren't a journalist, it's OK.

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  17. Hey JoshInDC...

    Go FuCk YoUrSeLf!

    YoU fUcKiNg TrAnSpLaNt!

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  18. GO VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  19. I want to add some DC School-isms too! "anonymous" didn't mention:

    Imah steel you!

    Eauh! You got AIDS!

    What I gotta dootah...?

    and finally...

    You geekin'!

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  20. YOU LOOK LIKE AN AFRICANNovember 04, 2008

    YOU LOOK LIKE AN AFRICAN. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU BE FROM AFRICA.

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  21. I'm totally in the tank for King Friday.

    But I didn't vote for any of the school board people. I just left that part of the ballot blank.

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  22. Princess.

    Would you spread for King Friday?

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  23. No answer = yesNovember 05, 2008

    No answer from the princess means YES she would.

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  24. Friday,

    Nothing on the Bama-in-Chief?

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  25. Ms. McMahan's statement was too good not to put into audio form. check it out here: http://middayramble.wordpress.com/2008/11/04/closing-arguments/

    warning: don't try this at home. it takes serious computing power to verbalize such nonsense. your standard desktop machine will likely explode.

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