11.22.2008

Taxi Stand Plan for Adams-Morgan: Fail.

Here's the thing about Adams Morgan: it sucks. Royally. Popped collars and white girls getting desperate at 2am, a lot of DMX and Britney Spears. Lord, deliver me. The traffic is horrible, even in the wee hours of the morning, what with all the cars stopping so a blond girl from Ohio can throw up in the middle of the street, and taxis sitting there waiting for drunk dudes to load some other drunk guy into the cab without accidentally un-popping his collar.

So I was kind of excited when I heard that the AdMo Business Improvement District had decreed that there would be two taxi stands in Adams Morgan, one at the top of the hill and the other at the bottom of the hill. No more taxis stopping every five feet, no more drunk idiots stopping traffic so they can all run across the street to get into a cab. Excellent plan. Maybe my bus won't take twenty minutes to go four blocks.

This being the district, where plans are transformed into reality by the same process that Santa delivers presents (namely, that neither of them deliver anything), the plan did not go as expected. If you are going to go to the trouble of making a plan and hiring people, you might want to go ahead and enforce the new rules. Last night there were like fifty people at each taxi stand, waiting for their taxis, but the taxis were picking up fares anywhere that was convenient. Nice work, everyone.

Taxi Cab Drivers: you are fucking morons at the best of times. Don't push your luck. No one loves you.

Police: Start giving out some god damn tickets! Shoot your guns in the air Sarah-Palin-style! Tazer them! What ever! Just start writing violations.

Public-in-General: Attack at will. It's for the best, really.

24 comments:

  1. FUCK taxi stands. what an incredibly awful idea. leave it to the BID to come up with such a thing. granted, this is just a pilot program at the moment, but it's already proven to be disastrous. to implement a taxi stand in AM is to suggest that it's the taxis that are getting in the way.

    no, dipshits. it's the idiots driving up 18th either looking for parking or showing off their rides that are the problem. the cabbies (as awful as they are) are the only ones who actually have any fucking business being there and serve a purpose. but yeah, let's ban them and give joey bag-a-douche and the wannabe gangstas more room to fuck off.

    crenshaw east, bitches!

    sigh. ban traffic on weekend nights. only allow cabs and buses. not rocket science.

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  2. THE 2000's SUCK

    THE LAST TOLERABLE DECADE FOR DC NIGHLIFE WAS WAS THE 1990's

    MID 1990's AS A MATTER OF FACT

    AFTER THAT, SHIT WAS ALL OVER

    GENERATION Y FUCKS UP EVERYTHING

    MILLENIALS AND THEIR NIGHTLIFE SCENE ARE ONE BIG FUCKING JOKE

    SO IS THEIR MUSIC TOO

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  3. Oh god Toby. I saw you at Target the other day and I didn't stab you in the face. My bad. You are right. It is Britney. I feel more better.

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  4. Oh right the post. Anon, urban planning is inevitable. Shut up an be glad that someone planned something for AdMo. No, seriously, it IS THE TAXIS THAT ARE IN THE WAY. I don't care if you don't like brown people driving in your crappy neighborhood, but let's get real. It's taxis. End of story. It's not anyone else. I know you don't want to hear it, but the truth sucks sometimes.

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  5. Everyone always says "the nightlife sucks" when the club bouncers will not let you in the door anymore.

    All caps lock guy needs to stop wearing old man bedroom slippers.

    If I ever get that old - someone please hog tie me and shave the hair sticking out of my ears......

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  6. IGUANA.

    YOU OBVIOUSLY ARE A DUMB FUCK.

    ONLY AN IDIOT WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE TODAY'S YOUNG PEOPLE ARE STEALING AND RIPPING OFF PREVIOUS GENERATIONS AND THEIR NIGHTLIFE SCENE.

    ESPECIALLY IN DANCE AND CLUB MUSIC.

    ^ SO MUCH OF IT TODAY IS MADE UP OF SAMPLES FROM MUSIC OF TIMES PAST.

    YOUNG PEOPLE TODAY ARE NOT CAPABLE OF CREATING ANYTHING NEW.

    FROM THE SKINNY JEANS, TO THE HAIRSTYLES, TO THE ELECTRO BEATS...

    IT HAS ALL BEEN DONE BEFORE

    CREATE SOMETHING NEW YOU BITCHES

    FOR THE FIRST TIME IN RECORDED HISTORY, PARENTS ARE TELLING THIER KIDS TO LOWER AND TURN DOWN THEIR MUSIC, NOT BECAUSE IT IS TOO LOUD, BUT BECAUSE IT FUCKING SUCKS!

    FUCK GENERATION Y

    FUCK MILLENIALS

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  7. Everyone always says "the nightlife sucks" when the club bouncers will not let you in the door anymore.

    I am young enough to still get in the door. But 9 times out of 10 I do not want to go in because the music/band/DJ blows really hard.

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  8. THE HIPSTERS ARE NOT HELPING OUT IN FURTHERING THE GENERATION Y MILLENIALS MOVEMENT EITHER

    MOST OLDER GENERATIONS SIMPLY DISMISS THEM AS 70s AND 80s RECYCLING DOUCHEBAGS

    FUCK HIPSTERS

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  9. My man Iguana makes a good point. Why would you care about "douchebags" and their douchebag scene? Go find a classy place that's more your age. There's GOT to be a scene for you somewhere.

    I lived in Adams Morgan for three years; that was enough.

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  10. YOU DO REALIZE THAT AT ONE TIME, WASHINGTON DC AND IT'S NIGHTLIFE SCENE WAS NOT THE BIG JOKE THAT IT IS RIGHT NOW?

    OH I'M SORRY.

    NEVER MIND.

    YOU HAVE NOT LIVED HERE LONG ENOUGH TO REMEMBER THAT.

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  11. Anal Rape, No LubeNovember 23, 2008

    My 'scene' is inside little M@ttie. Mmm, there are so many ways to deflower a bitch. On the agenda: create a new orifice in M@'s abdominal cavity, using a shank similar to those found in DC public schools.

    Then I'm gonna fuck that new, sweet little hole in M@ttie while screaming in his face. I'll be explaining that by repeatedly raping him, I am expressing my love for our nation's capital. (Its a metaphor, bitches)

    I'll reach climax and pump hot cum into M@, and as my semen begin to swim in his bloodstream, I'll cut his throat. Why? Because my little swimmers are too good to spend any time in his brain (its an animal mind, after all), so I must disrupt the path to his grey matter.

    Well, I hope you're all as turned on as I am by my pornographic fantasy of raping and murdering M@. Perhaps we can get together and gang rape him sometime soon? While we are fucking him, lets scream into his face about the accuracy of heart rate monitors and caloric expenditures. "2000 on an eliptical?! HAHHAHAH!"

    That will be HAWT

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  12. Everyone just needs to stop calling it AdMo. Gag me with a spoon. (Hmm, maybe anon is right. My generation CAN'T come up anything original.)

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  13. Anal Rape, No Lube makes a fair point. I couldn't have burned 2,000 on the elliptical, even in 90 minutes.

    I'm a silly goose.

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  14. THOSE COMMENTS AGAINST M@ WERE OUT OF LINE.

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  15. Thank you, anonymous. That individual is just upset b/c I've offended him/her/it in a CLEVER fashion--that's what really burns him/her/it.

    It's ironic. I don't even kill spiders. If the spider has to be REMOVED, alright. I can catch and release. But I don't kill spiders. Not after reading that magazine on Buddhism for 45 minutes that one time at the bookstore.

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  16. Matt reliably falls back upon his cleverness. Have you noticed?

    For example, when someone calls him a "douche", he regales us all with copious verbiage about how intelligent and clever he is. I recall something about his IQ (a topic which he raises regularly) and his sexual prowess (another reliable topic).

    Well Matt, those of us WITHOUT ego-centric blogs (like yours) through which to discuss our marriage to beautiful women and to demonstrate our 162 IQ scores are duly, humbly, impressed.

    Matt's Twitter status sometimes tells us he is "trying to mack on a new chick", which of course only a non-loser like Matt could. Excuse me, I need to correct that last statement. It should read: "Which only a ruggedly handsome intellectual such as Matt could." Matt has a better shot at hooking up with gorgeous women than anyone else here!

    Matt is indeed better looking that all of us. Have you gazed upon his stunning visage? Well if you haven't: it is stunning.

    Further, Matt recently lived up to his reputation for indulging in libations. What is so special about that? Well, nothing, except he did it in NEW YORK CITY! Woot! That is very impressive, even to those of us who grew up and attended university in NYC. Matt, hats off to you. We can only stew in place in our own envy. And thank you so much for taking the time out of your urbane sophisticated lifestyle to *blog* about how urbane you are. Ahh, if only your eleventh grade teachers in Ohio could see you now.

    More recently, a reader creatively depicts Matt's rape and murder through prose, and Matt's retort is essentially: "I'm more intelligent than that guy."

    Again, Matt is as reliable as the clockwise swirl of the water in my toilets here in DC after I apply pressure to the flush lever. Matt, you haven't delved too deeply into your athletic prowess. You've only hinted at it, leaving your adoring fans and envious despisers alike wanting more. MORE!

    Lets see, you can spend hours in the gym, at will! You can burn calories like no one else can, especially not those of us who are life-long athletes and who own personal heart rate monitors. Please, Matt, won't you tell us more? Won't you SHOW us more? How about a photo of you in your gym clothes?

    Oh Matt, you are so athletic, intelligent, and creative. We know, because you've been telling us so for a long time now.

    You, Matt, are the reason I HATE DC. You are the personification of all the self-centered nitwits who flock here en masse, and then act like you're better than everyone else. Just go home already.

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  17. YOU DUMB FUCKS SPELLED THE PRESIDENT-ELECT'S NAME WRONG... JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!

    Isn't he Muslim or something, too, guys?

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  18. hippest of the hipstersNovember 23, 2008

    I must admit, 99.9% of my gimmick is stolen from baby boomers. I cannot come up with anything original on my own. I steal my fashion ideas from vintage album covers I find at local thrift stores.

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  19. FUCK HIPSTERS!

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  20. AD-MO?

    YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME

    WHAT A BUNCH OF LAME ASS FUCKING BULLSHIT

    ONLY GENERATION Y AND THE MILLENIALS ARE CAPLABLE OF COMING UP WITH LAME BULLSHIT LIKE THAT

    GO THE FUCK BACK TO WHER EVER YOU CAME FROM ALL OF YOU WANNA BE HIP OUT OF TOWNER TRANSPLANT SCUM

    STOP PUSSIFYING MY TOWN THE SAME WAY YOU HAVE PUSSIFIED NEW YORK CITY

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  21. John,

    No shit. Lately, I've been spending some of my leisure time trying to make it through some of the 14 books on my nightstand. You, however, are spending thousands of words hating me.

    You don't have something better to do? I really hurt your feelings, didn't I? I noticed you spent at least a half-hour on my blog yesterday. Is THAT what you do with your Sunday afternoons? Speaking of douches....

    Good Christ, man! You need to get a fucking life. I am sorry I hurt your feelings. Get a tissue already.

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  22. That's it. It's ON. We need to settle this with a dance-off. Freestyle, bitch.

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  23. http://control-admo.blogspot.com/2009/03/problem.html

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