3.10.2009

Questions



The animals scatter as the cloud of noise and machine darkens the sky. Everyone runs and no one makes sense, heels clacking the sidewalks and phones ringing, unanswered, throughout the city.

In this dream, my escape from Washington, D.C., comprises two stages as I cross the Potomac by kayak to reassemble on the other side my bicycle, which I power along 14th Street alongside other evacuees. Only then with highways jammed would I leave the comfort and convenience of my beloved automobile, the symbol of my freedom, the reality of my confinement.

Only then after the president kills the F-22, with the enemy in the sky, would I join the ranks of the pompous and pretentious, those who make their daily commute by bicycle, dressed as Levi Leipheimer in the third stage of the Tour of California. Only then would I seek brotherhood and comradery with those wearing the yellow jersey, commuters with sponsorships—worth multiple millions of euros—advertising the Spain-based telecommunication concern. Only then would I eschew my pirate costume and Lone Ranger cape for the tight shorts and matching jersey of the cycling commuter and the Weekend Warrior—only then.

Not too long ago, a commentator here calls the cycling community one of the last bastions of civility in our city, making me wonder:

Was he referring to the cyclist who punches a cab driver one day in Adams Morgan? Or was he referring to the cyclist racing behind a car along Florida Avenue, screaming to the city: “I’m going to kill you, you fucking piece of shit!” Or, rather, was he referring to the cyclist who runs red lights, only to harass the jaywalker for his crime against nature.

I’m not sure. You assholes tell me.

19 comments:

  1. This site needs to be put to bed.

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  2. "Marrio" is obviously one of many alter-egos for one of thousands of narcissistic frat-boy types living in Arlington and wearing a ball cap with a pre-aged and/or pre-contoured brim. (It part of the frat-boy uniform)

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  3. M@, you're not a good writer. Stop trying so hard.

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  4. M@, I agree -- the cyclists in this town are a nightmare.

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  5. dead blog.

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  6. This blog is done. Done. DONE. What a waste of time.

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  7. Yep, to a man with a woody, everything looks like an a-hole.

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  8. Boring, boring, boring.

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  9. Cyclists in DC are no more assholish than every. single. other. person. in DC.

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  10. M@: Who cares how cyclists dress?!? They dress to attract attention because they don't want to get run over by a motorist. And it worked--they attracted your attention. Blog about something that matters.

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  11. M@ is the new Liz.

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  12. I know we shouldn't pile on someone feeble, but this stuff reads like drafts for a "creative" "writing" class at NVCC.

    Cyclists are what you hate about DC? Dude, you got problems.

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  13. M@ likes the photo above. It is 'soft porn' in his eyes.

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  14. As a cyclist who just wants to get to my destination in one piece, I'd like to second this:
    Cyclists in DC are no more assholish than every. single. other. person. in DC.

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  15. Thank goodness I am adept at the art of skimming, or else I would never have made it out of that dense, blather-y piece of crap writing alive.

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  16. Writing about cyclists in DC had so much potential and you blew it.

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  17. I Live in SW DC come by and check me out.

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  18. "I Live in SW DC come by and check me out."

    Dear frat-boy type in Virigina wearing the ball cap with the pre-aged and/or pre-contoured brim:

    You meant to write: "I live in SE DC come by and check me out."

    Yet more evidence that you are both ignorant AND stupid. Good luck with all that.

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