Sports roundup, in alphabetical order

Capitals: Still locked out. It's for the best; I went to Lethbridge, Alberta, over Thanksgiving, and the newspaper there was deciding the hockey standings, on a game-by-game basis, using a roll of the dice. Even in a completely random alternate hockey universe, the Caps were last in their division.

Nationals: I knew I'd seen that boring logo somewhere before! Separated at birth:

 

I'll have the, um... José Vidro super combo special.

(Tough to think of a player name to fill in there.)

Redskins: Not much offense this year. In fact, Papa Johns, the "official pizza of the Washington Redskins" (because if the fans can't tell from bad football, I guess they won't be able to tell from bad pizza either), had to alter the deal they've been running the past couple years. They had been giving customers one free topping and one free coke for each touchdown scored by the Redskins; but since the team has become allergic to the end zone, they're now spotting everyone two toppings. Hilarious. I guess everyone got tired of plain cheese pizza.

Wizards: They started 10-5, but did the curse of Les Boullez finally rear its ugly tête? Kwame Brown, former #1 pick and current #1 head case, was suspended for conduct detrimental. Seems Kwame was upset at getting a talking-to from coach Eddie Jordan about his defensive play against the Nuggets (rightfully so), and decided the best way to respond was by sitting on the bench and refusing to go back into the game. Aww, centers are so cute until get into those terrible 22's. Enjoy free agency next season, little Kwame!