6.20.2006

This Post is Six ADHDers of Suck

I feel very strongly that every single topic is fair game for humor. George Carlin uses the example of rape. When people would tell him rape is never funny, he would respond with "picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd." Everything from murder to racism to religion is OK by me, assuming of course that it's done well.

I admit that as a straight, white, Christian male, I don't have to deal with personally offensive jokes on an everyday basis.

I do however have ADD. This never comes as a surprise to people who know me well. I don't really see it as anything to be ashamed of. It's not a big deal. If people wanted to make jokes, that was fine by me. I was always horrified when my mother would go on letter writing campaigns whenever a sitcom made a crack about ADD kids trying to eat their fists.

Of course, for something to be funny and not offensive, you have to be, well, funny and not offensive. Richard Cohen, the self-proclaimed "funny" columnist for The Washington Post, fails miserably.

His most recent editorial is called "Culpability Defecit Disorder." It's a doozy. It may be the worst thing I have ever read in the Post, and, yes, I am counting the Style section.

Before the random offensiveness gets going, I would like to direct your attention towards the first paragraph in this perfect storm of douchebaggery.

Ever since Thomas Riley Marshall, Woodrow Wilson's vice president, uttered the immortal phrase "What this country needs is a really good five-cent cigar," people have felt challenged to better it. So if you Google the phrase "what this country needs," you will find that it needs many things, including a national architect, better infrastructure or this peach of an idea from Will Rogers: "dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds." Allow me, though, a suggestion that applies to the war in Iraq: Ritalin.

1. What!? That is the worst lead paragraph ever. Congratulations on figuring out Google, Cohen. The only purpose of this paragraph is to boost his word count. Hey, Richard, most of your readers are college graduates. We know this trick.

2. Ritalin is probably the most over-prescribed drug in America. So, what this is country needs is less Ritalin, ass-hat.

The editorial goes on hypothesizing that the Bush Administration must have ADHD since they don't know what they're doing in Iraq or Afghanistan. Hilarious! Well, Richard, you supported the Iraqi invasion and now you think we need to withdraw American troops. In other words, you had your mind set on one thing before becoming distracted by something else. The ADHD metaphor works a lot better with you than with an administration that is obsessed with "staying the course."

And, there's this classic: As any ADHDer can tell you, it is the moment that counts. What comes next or before is over the horizon.

Richard Cohen, what "ADHDer" said that to you? I would guess zero ADHDers. You are making people with ADD and ADHD sound like feeble-minded children who are unable to handle life on their own. What comes next is over the horizon? Fuck you. I have a savings account for a reason, bitch. You just described "ADHDers" the same way DARE officers describe drug addicts and I kind of hate you for it.

Here's my modest proposal. I am going to take back that word Richard Cohen just invented: "ADHDer." From now on, ADHDer is going to be a unit of suckiness that is only applicable to shitty Washington Post columns. "Culpability Defecit Disorder" is nine ADHDers of suck. It's the worst thing I've ever seen in the Post, but I want to leave room in case Cohen starts whipping out the extended racial metaphors again.

42 comments:

  1. dc_heat_winJune 21, 2006

    First off I'd like to congratulate my hometown Miami Heat!!! Great game, great series, and great fucking time celebrating tonight. I’m probably gonna be severely buzzed at work tomorrow but it was well worth it. HEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Anyway, as far as the blog goes, I actually commend you rusty. For once you showed the “nuanced” side you’ve been claiming to have. That flip-flopping asshole Richard Cohen needs to be called out once in awhile. But I don’t think the Post is as awful as you seem to think. It has many flaws but it’s still in the top 3 in the US (please don’t tell me you think the Globe is a good newspaper. I’ve never seen you defend it but it really isn’t very good). But in any case Cohen sucks.

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  2. AnonymousJune 21, 2006

    Richard Cohen sucks more than Rusty.

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  3. AnonymousJune 21, 2006

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  4. AnonymousJune 21, 2006

    I believe you about having ADHD and being Christian. But straight? C'mon.

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  5. Anonymous, cut it out. Please don't make me turn off comments again.

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  6. AnonymousJune 21, 2006

    Why are you afraid of your past, Rusty?

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  7. I have my reasons. Specifically, I posted a few times about work and family.

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  8. So does this mean you get bored with one type of sexuality and then try another?
    Like that chick in Sex and the City.
    Weird show.
    ADHD is nothing to be ashamed of. Just don't smoke pot on Ritalin, it can make your brain chemistry worse.

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  9. AnonymousJune 21, 2006

    I agree with you about the crappy writing style in his opening paragraph.

    He might as well have said, "Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary defines attention defecit disorder as...."

    Okay, that's 15 words so far....

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  10. AnonymousJune 21, 2006

    The DSM IV has a code and drug treatment for every type of person....

    If you're, say, a young, college-educated middle class woman who does yoga, there's a good chance some quack has you on at least one antidepressant.

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  11. If one more person in my office says "APPARENTLY" I'm going to have to hit them. What the fuck is UP with people in DC overusing that term???!!!

    About ADHD- Im dyslexic (but the smart creative type, not like Bush) so I feel you.

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  12. Could you imagine if Cohen went with dyslexia instead of ADHD?

    "This administration must be dyslexic since they can't spell out that I-R-A-Q equals T-R-O-U-B-L-E."

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  13. suomynonaJune 21, 2006

    aidan,

    yrros tuoba ruoy aixelsyd.

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  14. AnonymousJune 21, 2006

    I only got to the 2nd paragraph...but the man is a douche. So he just wants us to leave the country in shambles now? And not take responsibility for the situation created there? Smart. Real smart.

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  15. this_shithole_sucksJune 21, 2006

    What do you call an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?

    A person who lies awake all night wondering whether or not there really is a dog.

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  16. THAT IS MY DAD'S FAVORITE JOKE.

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  17. I agree, both were funny. LOL

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  18. God damn it, the blog is down. Blogger sucks.

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  19. After 45 minutes in the wilderness, we're back.

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  20. this_shithole_sucksJune 21, 2006

    Hmmmmm.......

    People like me here. Shame I'm posting under an anonymous name. Yeah, believe it or not, the name on my birth certificate isn't really "Sucks, This Shithole".

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  21. OK maybe you men can help me out here. WHat is it that they want from us women? I try to be straight forward but that doesnt seem to work. I think men really want only those they "cannot have". Is this generally true or a total fallacy?

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  22. AnonymousJune 21, 2006

    No, I just can't have what I want. Nadia, you're making my balls sweat.

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  23. AnonymousJune 21, 2006

    You don't have ADD. You're just a fucktard.

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  24. AnonymousJune 21, 2006

    You don't have ADD. You're just a fucktard.

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  25. AnonymousJune 21, 2006

    Stop it with the creative swearing, you kneefart.

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  26. So an old man goes to the doctor, and the doctor says "Okay. I have bad news. You've been diagnosed with ADD and AIDS."

    To which the old man replies, "Hey, look on the bright side. At least I don't have AIDS."

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  27. dc_heat_winJune 22, 2006

    Hey Rusty why no response to my question about your views on the Boston Globe and the Post?

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  28. dc_heat_winJune 22, 2006

    Nadia,

    Before any of your questions can be ansewered you need to tell us you approximate height and weight. I'm not saying this to be an asshole, but it does matter in the way you aproach men. If your tall and skinny, fine, if your short and fat, fine, but there are many subtlesties in the approach one takes when confronting the opposite sex. So if you give us some more info youll probably get the ansewer youre looking for.

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  29. this_shithole_sucksJune 22, 2006

    Or the answer she's not......

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  30. AnonymousJune 22, 2006

    I know that this is a blog, but please learn to spell. It's not hard, Cohen actually spelled it correctly in article you linked to.

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  31. Could you be more specific?

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  32. AnonymousJune 22, 2006

    Cohen groupies? Young women love men in their 50s!

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  33. formerly anonymousJune 22, 2006

    defecit.

    This will no doubt cause Rusty to lock himself in his office and flog himself until he bleeds.

    Bad Rusty. Bad. You make typing error.

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  34. AnonymousJune 22, 2006

    What happened to Krystal Koons? Is he on vacation? A hunting trip? Sex change operation?

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  35. dc_heat_winJune 23, 2006

    Still know ansewer(and still no new posts) GODDAMN you suck Rusty. You deserve all the bashing you get.

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  36. dc_heat_winJune 23, 2006

    In the first sentence I meant "no" not "know."

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  37. OK lets assume Im pretty good looking. I still feel I need to play hard to get with the A-holes Ive seen.

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  38. formerly anonymousJune 23, 2006

    Wow. Rusty's leaving the mis-spelling up there.

    What was all that about "taking pride" in your blog, Rust-dogg?

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  39. I don't want to talk about it. I didn't know how to spell my very own disorder. I'll leave it up to serve as a reminder of my fallability.

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  40. formerly anonymousJune 23, 2006

    You actually need a reminder?

    Bwwaahhaahaa!!

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  41. AnonymousJune 29, 2006

    Nadia are we talking sex or a relationship?

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