The Potential For High Comedy Here Was Enormous

So, everyone knows the crazy homeless lady that resides on Wisconsin Avenue by the Friendship Heights Metro Station. She's always spouting off something creepy-sexual or racist or applying her forest green eye shadow. It's nice having a neighborhood mascot.

She always seems to be one weird look away from charging at you and trying to gouge out your eyeballs with her long and dirty fingernails. So, I have to commend the courage of the fellow who kept riding past her on a unicycle.

There he went. Back and forth. Tempting fate by doing figure-eights around the Homeless Time Bomb. What I would have given to see her charge him like an angry rhinoceros.

Seriously, of all the people I would not ride a unicycle around, she would be #1.


  1. AnonymousJune 25, 2006


    Here's your chance to actually shine, you motherfucker. If you're so goddamn conservative on immigration, perhaps you'd care to comment on Metro's proposal to spend $43 million to add Spanish signage to the system? Hmmmmm?


  2. Spanish signage? AWESOME. It's not like the English speakers can read, anyway.

    "Is this the train to Union Station?"

    Fuckin' retards.

  3. Spanish signs have nothing to do with illegal immigration. Don't confuse protecting our borders with xenophobia.


    only in this shithole.

  5. about the spanish: I think we should be taught Spanish in school. Europeans speak two or three languages, why do we have to be so far behind?

  6. AnonymousJune 26, 2006

    I would rather our schools teach French, German, Chinese- something useful, as opposed to Spanish. Americans will always be able to order by number in Mexican restaurants, and Mariano can see with his own eyes when my lawn needs mowing.

  7. AnonymousJune 26, 2006

    Europeans speak 2-3 languages out of neccesity and not because of educational superiority. If people in Massachusetts, New York, and the DC area all had different primary languages most people here would be multi-lingual as well, but that's not the case. Even so, the european and even the global business world tends to use english as it is linguistically the most common denominator. While learning a foreign language is a valuable skill I would rather see that school time be put towards more fundamental, and likely, usefull skills like math and writing.

  8. AnonymousJune 26, 2006

    Ahh... Crazy Friendship Heights metro lady. Not clear on what she has to do with signage, nor am I clear on why signage has anything to do with illegal immigration. I hate to break it to you Matt, but not everyone in DC speaks English. And seirously -- don't tell me you wouldn't love to see some "stand right, walk left" signs in every damn language, including english posted up in the metro.

    Clearly some of y'all had not had the pleasure of making Crazy-lady's aquaintance.

    She had a Christmas branch up for a while in Feburary. That was my favorite. She used to write stuff about "CHINA" in the side with (i think) pee.

    Where does she get the eyeshadow?

  9. Ok. I asked her about this. She wrote "England" on the sidewalk with what I pray to God was apple juice.

    I noticed today that all her stuff was gone and her area was cleaned up. Has she finally been put in a mental health facility?

  10. did i ever mention that she used to be the crazy homeless lady of Rockville?

  11. AnonymousJune 26, 2006

    Not sure about the stuff -- I've seen her dissapear for a few days and then come back.

    Although, apple juice does not smell like whatever that stretch of sidewalk smells like, but hopefully you're right....

    Maybe someone did pick her up - it would be good for her to be somewhere dry and institutional.

    She used to be in rockville? I think I first saw her last spring...

  12. AnonymousJune 26, 2006

    The pouring of unidentified liquids from container to container is what really gets to me. I hate to just "block out" everything that makes me uncomfortable but the safe little indie rock coming out of my headphones gets turned wayy up when I walk past her.

  13. AnonymousJune 26, 2006

    Nadia, the Europeans aren't learning English because their countries are being overrun by Americans, British, Australians, and Canadians. And when I visit there, I don't EXPECT them to cater to me in English.

    The US, on the other hand, is a different story.

  14. AnonymousJune 27, 2006

    I love the tone of self-assurance she always uses.

  15. AnonymousJune 27, 2006

    Yeah, self-assurance. Everything about America is inferior to other more cosmpopolitan nations--which is why usa is once against the richest part of the world (props to Canada, too)....

    But, if you listen to Nadia, you'd believe the tripe about Americans being the most ignorant people in the world concerning geography. The truth is that if you look a little bit closer, EVERYBODY's ignorant b/c we're all the same.

    Ask some peasant in interior China about the pope or the president of the United States. You might get, "What's the United States?" Seriously.

    That $43 million would be better spent funding English classes that most immigrants want. And don't give me that tripe about confusing immigration w/ zenophobia--it's related b/c we're talking about the Latin American "invasion" of our country, pal. Get a clue.

    It's not zenophobic to oppose your tax money being spent to fuck up your culture. Morons. And I'm a fucking democrat!

    Disclosure: I've NEVER voted for a republican and I've voted TWICE for the only socialist in the U.S. House--Rep. Bernie Sanders (I; VT).

    So screw your zenophobia!

  16. AnonymousJune 27, 2006

    I meant the crazy lady. Maybe they'll put her at the Medical Center metro stop. She'll feel in place, but be close enough to NIMH officials.