I love writing about the crazy Friendship Heights Lady. She is a constant source of unsolicited obscenity and racism; two of my favorite things in the entire world. Unfortunately, after Sunday's Great Rain of 2006, she has disappeared. Her little area on Wisconsin and Jenifer, usually adorned with shopping carts and tinsel, has been cleaned up. No more shopping carts, no more litter, no more crazy.
It breaks my heart.
The homeless lady, affectionately referred to as "Brenda" by my fellow homeless gawkers Toby and Agatha, has been a part of my life for months now. I can't imagine a Washington without her.
So, I ask my dear readers to find her. The first person who can send me photographic evidence of Brenda's new whereabouts wins a prize. This offer is null and void if Brenda ends up back in Friendship Heights. That would be too easy. Irina says that she used to live in Rockville, so your best bet may be the Red Line.
Your prize? Well, I am poor, so it's going to suck. You can choose from the following crappy options:
1. If you're the first person to send in a picture of Brenda, I will buy you one alcoholic drink valued at six dollars or less, or
2. If you're the first person to send in a picture of Brenda, I will let the winner get a free rant on this blog. The rant can be anti-DC, pro-DC, pro-Boy Meets World; whatever you want. The only exceptions are anything overtly racist, sexist, homophobic, or patently offensive is not allowed. Also, the rant can't be about how much I suck or how James F. is better than me. You'll be limited to 1,000 words, which is actually an awful lot.
Some of you may be wondering, "How will I ever be able to tell Brenda apart from the countless other homeless women in this city?" Oh, believe me, you'll be able to tell. If the unsolicited obscenity and racism don't clue you in, look for forest green eyeshadow, writing on the sidewalk, and/or three shopping carts covered in garbage bags. Also, she will not panhandle. The obscenity and racism really ought to do it though. If you're not sure, just take a picture and send it to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I will be able to confirm if it's Brenda or just some random homeless person.
Good luck and Godspeed.