11.10.2008

LOL DC Crime

The "pulls and rhythms" of DC are making it so that I have the next few days off (thank you, Veterans), so I'll be phoning it in today.

Here's a few LOL Crimes that happened over the weekend...
An ambulance was stolen from outside Howard University Hospital Sunday night. The emergency vehicle was stolen about 8:15 p.m. Sunday and was found about an hour later at North Capitol and Bryant streets, but not before the driver crashed it into a car at Georgia Avenue and Bryant Street.
Remember: this is Howard University Hospital we're talking about. The runaway ambulance was probably missing for half the day before anyone back at the hospital noticed. And the theives almost made it all the way to Maryland! As for suspects, I say police should investigate some of the hospital's criminally negligent technicians to see if they're involved in some kind of ambulance chop shop. Throw some hydraulics on there. Fog lights. Spoiler. A window sticker of Calvin pissing on something.

Speaking of pissing, look at what the Washington Post is covering:
A City Council member from Jersey City was arrested over the weekend after patrons at a Northwest Washington nightclub complained that someone had urinated on them from the balcony, according to police and media reports.
How's the pale ale, Stiffler? Now who called the Fun Police is what I want to know. I'd like to see more of this quite frankly. Why doesn't this happen more often in places that are rich in targets? I'm looking at you, Adams Morgan. Oh, oh, Georgetown would be good too.

Actually, anyone who's ever been to Jersey City knows that peeing on someone at a bar is a remarkably effective pick-up technique there.

24 comments:

  1. Dude your next post has to be about people selling washington post obama newspapers on ebay for $300 and trying to rent out their apartments and houses during the inauguration for as much as $10,000 dollars.

    I am willing to bet most of those fuckers are transplanted washingtoninans too.

    FUCK THEM ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  2. I am not kidding when I say I traded one of my Obama papers for sexual favors from a married woman. Now that I know that guy got $300... I want some change.

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  3. The Reef has a nice balcony from which to deliver a Jersey City "howdy".

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  4. That fucker on the news tried to justify his $10,000 asking price by saying his apartment was only 2 blocks away from a metrorail station and located right off of 295.

    He was negroid too.

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  5. I am not kidding when I say I traded one of my Obama papers for sexual favors from a married woman. Now that I know that guy got $300... I want some change.

    Was she white?

    Busty blonde?

    :)

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  6. Actually, Bryant place and georgia avenue is a few blocks from HU hospital, hardly close to maryland. Read a map.

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  7. MADONNA CAN GO TO HELL AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED!!!

    SHE'S A DICK!!!!!

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  8. @anonymous #1, are you serious? REAL Washingtonians rent their houses out at astonomical prices to suckers who come to town to party for a week. Because real Washingtonians don't give a shit about the inauguration and leave town, or they own several houses or have lots of friends they can stay with.

    Gouging tourists is about as real as you can get!

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  9. KILL EM' ALL

    LET GOD SORT EM' OUT

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  10. @anonymous #1, are you serious? REAL Washingtonians rent their houses out at astonomical prices to suckers who come to town to party for a week. Because real Washingtonians don't give a shit about the inauguration and leave town, or they own several houses or have lots of friends they can stay with.

    Gouging tourists is about as real as you can get!


    As far as the transplants, I was talking more about the newspapers than the houses but your point is well taken.

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  11. This woman is a hot white brunette. And I'm not kidding. I mean, she probably would have done it anyway but this sweetened the pot.

    Yes, I visited seven stores before "scoring."

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  12. I have two copies left, FYI. :)

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  13. No offense dude. But since birth I have been brainwashed by the media into thinking that busty blondes are hotter so that was always be my preference.

    Busty blondes from Europe with accents who have names that are difficult if not damn near impossible to pronounce are even hotter.

    My friend told me that there are a lot of them over in the Czech Republic so one day I am going to have to travel over there.

    :)

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  14. Fuck the ambulance! who stole my eggo?!

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  15. What's up with the retard commentariat these days? Whatever happened to Princess Sparkle Pony?

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  16. DONT GET MAD

    NUKE THE BASTARDS

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  17. Rusty is a douche ...

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  18. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  19. LOL

    OMG

    U

    GUYS

    ReplyDelete
  20. ur never gonna get laid give it up

    ReplyDelete
  21. Today I'm hating on Metro...

    Ever taken the Green line to/from a Nationals game? It's not bad because Metro sends extra trains keeping the wait short and the platform free.

    Now, go to a Capitals game and take the Metro... 15 minutes between trains. People backed up, unable to get onto the platform. If you don't make the first train (which many people won't) expect to wait another 15 minutes. Meanwhile, a well-staffed security team keeps the crowd from spilling onto the tracks, etc. How about more trains, less faux-cops?

    Also, how about some outrage from the Capitals owners.. They are getting completely shafted by Metro.

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  22. L
    O
    L

    O
    M
    G

    U

    G
    U
    Y
    S

    L
    M
    A
    O

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  23. Is that wrong? I dont know. I try to avoid that aera at all costs. I'm going to leave it up there just to annoy this shit out of you.

    And guys, cool it on the racial stuff. Some of it is in jest, but some of it is questionable.

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  24. Busty Blondes?
    Racist?
    WFT???

    ReplyDelete