11.14.2008

What Do Blood, And Gore, And Eleanore Holmes Norton Have In Common?

As much as it sucks living in DC, I thank God each and every day that I don’t live in Maryland. I’m especially grateful that I’m not a garbage man in Montgomery County:

"A sanitation worker was crushed Wednesday morning by the municipal truck on which he worked, according to the Montgomery County Police Department. The incident occurred about 8:30 a.m. and involved an unidentified Hispanic man caught in the recycling truck compactor that was operating in the Aspen Hill area, police said."

And if that weren’t enough, the Washington Post revealed today that Maryland residents have a tendency to go around stabbing people:

"Fla. Man Fatally Stabbed On Trip to Deliver a Boat
After picking up a boat in ironically named Welcome, Md., on Wednesday night, [Shelton Stephens] pulled his truck into the parking lot of a Hooters in Waldorf and went inside. Stephens, 52, sat down near a Waldorf man named Joseph J. Plass. It is not clear what, if anything, the two men said to each other. What is clear, police said, is that after they left about 7:30 p.m., Plass, 57, pulled a knife and stabbed Stephens in the upper body."

The article continues…

"On Tuesday, police found the body of 28-year-old Daniel Cordova, who was naked and had been fatally stabbed, behind a Waldorf home improvement store."

Man, first in Home Depot and now Hooters?? Attention men (and maybe some of you lesbians), don't go anywhere north of Silver Spring.

Meanwhile back in DC, imaginary Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton did a premature victory dance in front of the Senate Dirksen Building yesterday.

D.C. Delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton, emboldened by the election of Barack Obama to the presidency, predicts Congress will approve by next year long-sought D.C. voting rights legislation. "The election has made it all but inevitable," Mrs. Norton said Thursday.

Aww, Pinocchio thinks he’s going to become a real boy.

16 comments:

  1. KILL EM' ALL

    LET GOD SORT EM' OUT

    ReplyDelete
  2. So I'm not the only one imagining this Eleanor Holmes Norton character? Good. I thought I was going fucking crazy.

    ReplyDelete
  3. My good man, you do know that Waldorf is not north of Silver Spring (or of Washington, D.C., for that matter), correct?

    I rather enjoy being obnoxious about this "if you're gonna be a self-professed expert on D.C., you might wanna read a map" stuff, but I imagine that it's tiresome for us all.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Again, I don't know these things because I never go up there. But you're more than welcome to continue being a pee hole about it. And whoever said I was "DC's self-proclaimed expert?" I'd take that as an insult actually. It's like being called a connousieur of crap.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ralph: 'Cause I'm the king. And you're nothing. That's why!

    Alice: Yeah? Well, you're the king of nothing!

    Ralph: One of these days, Alice. One of these days. POW! Right in the kisser!

    ReplyDelete
  6. You need another option on your poll. Something like this, "VA drivers are complete fucktards".

    ReplyDelete
  7. DONT GET MAD

    NUKE THE BASTARDS

    ReplyDelete
  8. Eleanore was a HOT CHICK back in the day. I kid you not. She really really really was.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous--I'm not saying I WOULDN'T fuck Eleanor. Lord knows I've done older women....

    ReplyDelete
  10. MADONNA CAN GO TO HELL AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED

    SHE'S A DICK

    ReplyDelete
  11. hrh
    Whether you want it or not I am going to give you a geography lesson. Waldorf is located in Charles County. Charles County is one of the three counties that make up SOUTHERN Maryland. The other two being Calvert and St Mary's. If you are going to hate the DC area, please be aware of what you are hating.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Knowledge of the city's layout is not a prerequisite for hating DC. And besides, Waldorf is in Maryland, not DC. Read a map.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hmm, like you did wheb you put Waldorg north of Silver Spring?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hmm, like you did wheb you put Waldorg north of Silver Spring?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Gonig to leave it up there so you cry each day when you read it.

    ReplyDelete
  16. "Hmm, like you did wheb you put Waldorg north of Silver Spring?"

    LOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO
    The jokes on me I can't spell.

    ReplyDelete