5.08.2006

Five-O Said "Freeze!" and I Got Numb

I've been criticized earlier in the comments for having a "hard-on" for Massachusetts. This is a legitimate criticism. I am constantly guilty of romanticizing my home commonwealth. So, to counter-balance that totally fair complaint, I offer something that is far better in DC than in MA: Cops.

It's true! Police officers in DC have never been anything but kind to me. Cops up in Cape Cod are nothing but trouble. They will pull over anyone who is under 25 or has out-of-state plates. They're vicious and they will get you. They are predators. When I was 17, I got pulled over and had my car impounded for being a designated driver! How does that happen!?! I understand the curfew laws and all, but, I was preventing drunken driving. Come on cops, throw me a bone. Ugh. If only I was Kennedy.

If anyone reading this is planning on spending some time on the Cape, watch out. Especially Dennis and Chatham cops. They're the worst. And never forget that they are targeting you.

But in DC, no problems. I'm sure individuals have their horror stories. It's a big city and bad things happen. I'm only dealing with personal experience, which is fairly limited. But, even in the "bad" parts of DC, the cops have been nothing but helpful to me.

So, the cops here are great. Of course, there's a problem. There's always a problem. While the police have never given me a hard time, I've had to deal with them an awful lot. The problem isn't the police, it's the people calling the police. People here will call the cops at the mere sight of a keg.

Last Saturday I hosted a BBQ. I am a wonderful neighbor and a generally friendly dude, so no one had a problem with our reverie. The party was a total success. Hurray! (Props to my roommates as well. You know, for doing all the planning and stuff.)

A couple of doors down, there was a rival event. AU field hockey girls. Someone called the cops on them. At 8:30pm on a Saturday night. Granted, they were a little louder than us. And instead of the hipster music coming from our speakers, they were playing Kelly Clarkson. I know she's America's Sweetheart and all, but that's kind of asking for it. Still, 8:30pm. On a weekend. To put that in perspective, that's not even halfway through Snick. "Honey, call the cops! Those damned kids are interrupting Roundhouse again!"

(Full SNICK disclosure: I totally cried when I saw series finale of Clarissa Explains It All. I know! LAME! I caught it on late-night reruns when I was a senior in high school. What can I say, THE PRESSURES OF GOING TO COLLEGE AND MAKING NEW FRIENDS WERE VERY SCARY AND REAL FOR ME. Leave me alone!)

(Also, I wonder what Sam is doing right now. I hope it involves ladders.)

The number of times that I've been to a party interrupted by the police are countless. Almost every single time, there was no warning from neighbors. No courtesy call to keep it down. Just an immediate call to the local fuzz. It's an interesting combination of rudeness and cowardice.

The police are always cool about it, telling us to break it up and file out quietly. I get the feeling that there are other things they'd rather be doing than dealing with rowdy young adults. I thank them for their patience and understanding. If only the neighbors with the quick trigger-fingers would extend us the same courtesies.

14 comments:

  1. The only way to guarantee the neighbors won't call the cops on you is if break into their place, knock them out, drag them over to your place, and lock them in a closet or something.

    Make sure you confiscate their cell phones first.

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  2. KristoferMay 09, 2006

    He has done some voiceover work in 2001 and 2002.

    Otherwise, our ladder boy sam, has not had much work.

    He should have guest starred on Sabrina the Teenage witch, that would have been classic.

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  3. anonymousMay 09, 2006

    You have officially jumped the shark with this latest drivel.

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  4. If you use the term "jumped the shark," we probably have very different senses of humor.

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  5. Yeah the cops are cool here. I have been pulled over twice for speeding and talked my way out of both tickets.

    But in Massachusetts we have a health care system which actually covers everyone, or almost everyone. That's real progress.

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  6. The cops might be nice when breaking up parties at AU but thats not the case at Georgetown. They'd rather be sitting on their asses than breaking up parties so they take it out on us.

    Best cop ever was the one who told us he only answers to God when we asked for his badge number and lieutenants name. That man should definitely be carrying a gun.

    Also, having a hard-on for Massachusetts is kind of hard to avoid. Its pretty fucking great.

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  7. Thank goodness someone else remembers the glorious brilliance that was Clarissa Explains It All! You know you can get in on DVD now. Just throwin that out there.

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  8. Lauren, a former roommate of mine owns the Clarissa DVD. I am holding out until the last season comes out.

    The best part about these old shows is seeing them in random order in syndication. I call it the "Boy Meets World Theory."

    Seeing random episodes of BMW (or Clarissa) out of order is way more fun than actually following the trials of Corey and his awful girlfriend, Topanga.

    Bonus fun because it's that much easier to catch the hundreds of continuity errors when the shows are all over the place. Topanga had three different sets of parents! Who knew!?

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  9. AnonymousMay 09, 2006

    DC Cops suck.

    Chandra Levy

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  10. yes, it is truly a mix of rudeness and cowardice..SO ANNOYING! I'll be having a party at my apt pretty soon and i am HOPING that leaving a kind note under the doors of my neighbours a few days in advance will appease them.

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  11. I've found that cops around here have been pretty cool when we have house parties as well. At our Halloween bash, they stopped by twice and actually seemed apologetic for having to bug us. I tell you what tho, it's a good thing they didn't come back a third time. I think the third time warrants a report (or something) and I found out later that my 16-year-old neighbors had snuck into our party (hard to tell with the costumes and whatnot). Guess who had the kegs registered in her name? Yeesh! Damn kids.

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  12. AnonymousMay 09, 2006

    Bad boys, bad boys,
    whatcha gonna do,
    whatcha gonna do when they come for you.

    Bad boys, bad boys,
    whatcha gonna do,
    whatcha gonna do when they come for you.

    The metro is always la-ate,
    And South East's a ghetto waste.
    You call yourself a city planner,
    but gentrification is the game you play!

    Bad boys, bad boys,
    whatcha gonna do,
    whatcha gonna do when they come for you.

    The mayor gets busted for cra-ack,
    WMATA managers doped on smack.
    You lobby for full state rights,
    while city taxes are sky hiigh!

    Bad boys, bad boys,
    whatcha gonna do,
    whatcha gonna do when they come for you.

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousMay 09, 2006

    http://www.crushcalculator.com/content/love/655392583

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousMay 09, 2006

    Alright, the Minutemen Caravan is coming to D.C.! Who's taking the day off w/ me!

    ReplyDelete