I Have Let This Charade Go On Long Enough

I just read a comment in my last post. You know, the Nickelback post. It's from a fellow named Earl. Here it is, in its entirety:

Rather than worrying about what row he can get at a concert, maybe Rusty should reflect on the central topic of this blog and how completely unrelated his latest posting is.Let's change the blog to "why.i.am.rusty.the.retard"

Another comment read thusly:

Please tell me you're joking. Your satire wasn't strong enough.

Please let me respond to both charges.

First, the central topic of this blog is hating DC. Here's how Nickelback relates to DC. Nickelback is playing the Merriweather Post Pavilion. My celebration of that is just loaded with sarcasm. The joke being that DC-area summer concerts suck. Don't believe me? Check out the concert schedule at Merriweather and Nissan and Wolf Trap. Not a good show to be had. (Except for the Journey/Def Leppard concert and the Fiona Apple concert; both of which are going to rule. No sarcasm intended there. Seriously. I already have Fiona tickets.) So, in pretending to be excited about Nickelback, I was hoping to convey how terrible all the other shows were.

So, in regards to the central topic of the blog:

Q: Rusty, why do you hate DC?
A: I hate DC because the best concert our summer venues can offer is fucking Nickelback.

The joke fails when people take my pro-Nickelback post seriously. I accept fault and responsibility. I tried writing about Nickelback as earnestly as possible. I just assumed that no one proclaiming to love Nickelback could be taken seriously. To hedge my bets, I added that last sentence at the last second. I mean, "rocking Canadian quartet"? No one has ever meant the phrase "rocking Canadian quartet" to be taken seriously in the history of the English language.

So, it wasn't that the satire was too weak. The sarcasm was just too strong. My mistake.

And I am borderline horrified that people might actually think I like Nickelback. Since writing here, I have been bothered by two criticisms in the comments. I have been accused of having an anti-Semitic tone and of liking Nickelback. I take the latter far more seriously. Nickelback sucks.


  1. AnonymousMay 11, 2006

    I thought it was hilarious. I am on to your sarcasm.

  2. AnonymousMay 11, 2006

    Um Rusty,
    Maybe it's not the DC summer selection that sucks, maybe its your taste in music.
    -better than you music lover

  3. Can't throw one past you!

    If this blog devolved into nothing but sarcasm and puns, I would be very happy with myself.

  4. I am *not* letting Journey pass me by this time.

  5. AnonymousMay 11, 2006

    You did recently defend liking Bon Jovi....

  6. I do not like Bon Jovi.

  7. AnonymousMay 11, 2006

    "Anonymous, my friends and I privately enjoy bad music. Personally, I prefer "You Give Love a Bad Name," but, it's really all the same."

  8. I was saying I prefer "You Give Love a Bad Name" over "Livin' on a Prayer."

    And, yeah, in private I listen to bad music. It's called a guilty pleasure. I know all the words to Sk8er Boi. It doesn't mean I endorse Avril.

    Actually, bad example, since I totally endorse Avril Lavigne.

  9. AnonymousMay 11, 2006

    Come on Rusty, you're not the president, you're allowed to admit a mistake. Speaking of which the other morning Mike Greenberg was praising David Stern for admitting a mistake and said "it's what separates us form the animals", perfect.

    I got the Nickleback post, but saying you like to listen to Bon Jovi and Avril in private kind of gives people the idea you MIGHT like Nickleback.

    That said keep up the good work...

  10. And I love Journey too.

  11. AnonymousMay 11, 2006

    belle and sebastian are coming to merriweather this summer - they are amazing - if people in this godforsaken town would open up their eyes and try something new, they might actually realize there is a lot of great music rolling thru town all the time.


  12. My sister is a big fan of Wagner -- in both his music and politics. JK, just music!

  13. AnonymousMay 11, 2006

    dont act like belle and sebastian is some uber-underground band nobody knows about. they sold out constitution hall two nights in a row and recently the 9:30 two nights in a row. im sure they have plenty of date rapist frat bro fans.

  14. Krystal Koons (AKA THE PIMP DADDY)May 11, 2006

    Anyone who could not discern the sarcasm in your previous post, i.e., the one extolling Nickeldump, is a fucking moron. Coupled with the pictures of the flaming turdnecks, the sarcasm was seeping out.

    Anyone who continues to bash AKA, that is, me, will be served with a raging case of turdinitis.

  15. AKA, you're on fire.

  16. redraiderdcMay 11, 2006

    Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers at Nissan! That's not sucky, is it?

  17. AnonymousMay 11, 2006

    What about Ray Lamontagne/Guster? Aug. 1 at WT.

  18. AnonymousMay 11, 2006

    i don't think playing at merriweather post pavillion will ever qualify a band as an "uber underground band". All I am saying is that if you look a little deeper, there is some good acts coming to town. I was using belle and sebastian as an example of a good act coming to town - no mention of them being undergound or any crap like that.

  19. AnonymousMay 11, 2006

    I shouldn't called the anti-Starbucks guy unsophisticated. If he can't afford the small luxury of a $2 cup of coffee, then he can't afford it.

    And it is a luxury. I forget how much of a status asshole I've become since moving to D.C. I've adapted to the culture.

  20. AnonymousMay 11, 2006

    can rusty name any performers whose tours will bypass the DC area? i'm just curious and i have enough free time right now to ask. normally i'd say anyone who lists def leopard and fiona apple as the two "good" concerts of the summer shouldn't be allowed to discuss music.

  21. h8 starbucksMay 11, 2006

    Oh, believe me -- I can afford it all right. I just don't like getting ripped off. It really is that simple.

  22. AnonymousMay 11, 2006

    radiohead isn't coming to dc.

  23. AnonymousMay 11, 2006

    pearl jam is coming in June.

  24. I had never even heard of Nickelback before your post. But anyway the issues w/DC music in my opinion are 1. lack of decent venues (I cannot ABIDE the 9:30 club anymore... I'm too old, and even the Black Cat grates on my nerves now. But again, I am old. Don't get me started on MPP and WolfTrap and shit. Ugh), and 2. annoying fans.

    But these things are probably issues everywhere. Damn kids.

  25. AnonymousMay 12, 2006


    WOW that was a terrible post. As horrible as this area is one of the few things DC has going for it is concert venues. 9:30 is about as good as it gets as far as mid-sized indoor venues. I "MPP" has a great outdoor setting that I havent found at other venues and Wolf Trap lets you bring your own beer. Name another venue in the U.S. that lets you drink your own beer. That fact alone puts DC past most other cities as far as concert venues.

  26. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  27. I like Wolf Trap as a venue, but they can't pull in any decent shows.

    9:30 is horrible. $6 for a 12oz beer. Fuck you, 9:30 Club.

  28. AnonymousMay 12, 2006

    Rusty, keep doing what you do. the TRUE DC haters get it.

  29. formerly anonymousMay 12, 2006

    Rusty, for once...just once, can you just admit that you were wrong?

    Clearly, a lot of people didn't "get" your little joke. When you tell a joke in a bar, and only the drunk guy in the back of the crowd laughs and everyone else goes back to their drinks, only YOU would think that was a funny joke.

    I wrote the post about your satire not being strong enough. If everyone thinks you're being serious, then obviously it wasn't strong enough.

    1) Get over yourself.

    2) You're a good writer, but stop pretending you're a great writer. You're okay at sarcasm and satire, but don't pretend you're the master. You're just not.

    3) The fact that you blog about your comments section shows how lame you are.

    But hey, the fat chick in the back drinking a Zima is laughing at your jokes, so you must be cool, right?

  30. i knew you were being sarcastic...but i was being sarcastic as well when i wrote "i hate nickeback. a lot."
    Or am I being sarcastic now? One may never know...

  31. Formerly Anonymous,

    The entry amused me which is the #1 factor in whether I post something or not. I'm sorry you didn't get it. I'll try to do better but I won't lose any sleep over it. I mean, I admitted that the joke didn't work as well as I wanted it to. What more do you want?

    Hopefully we can all just agree that the Nickelback video where the jilted girlfriend gets killed in an auto crash is fucking hilarious.

  32. formerly anonymousMay 12, 2006

    It's not that I didn't get it. It's that it wasn't funny.

    And that's, you know, why I go to sites like this....to laugh.

    Reading what you write I could swear that you're a freshman in community college working at American Eagle on the weekends and living in Silver Spring.

    All I ask is that you not be lame and boring.

  33. Ok, fine. My entire last post was admitting that the joke didn't work. What else do you want? Why do you feel the need to be an asshole about it?

  34. AnonymousMay 12, 2006

    As if Silver Spring isn't better tahn NW DC in the first place...

  35. formerly anonymousMay 12, 2006

    Because I derive much pleasure from getting under your skin.

    It is amazing how, seeing as though you are a "writer" in a public forum, how easily disturbed you are by what people think about you and your writing.

    Richard Cohen never responds to my e-mails.

  36. Some of the e-mails I get are a lot worse.

    Michelle Malkin never responds to me. And I go out of my way to be polite too.

  37. Krystal Koons (AKA THE PIMP DADDY)May 12, 2006

    Formerly anonymous,

    Rusty is actually pretty restrained when douchebags like yourself begin the mock parade.

    All of you must be fucking kidding me that you couldn't read the sarcasm in the Nickeldump post. The pictures themselves didn't give it away?

  38. Whether it worked out the way you wanted or not, I think your desired intent is still reaching to be considered on topic.

    This blog is degenerating from a fairly reasonable critique of quirky problems with DC to a litany of your personality conflicts with bands, coffee, etc. Namely, your blog could be relevant in ANY city.

    I can't believe you actually won an essay contest with garbage like this.

  39. Just TRY to pretend that the video game symphony doesn't excite you...


  40. yeah... the thing is, again, it might be because I am old, and also, because I am short, for me to be able to enjoy a band at 9:30 I have to get there HOURS AND HOURS ahead of time so I can stand in the front or in the front of the balcony. It's just too crowded and overpriced and annoying for my tastes. Fortunately there hasn't been a band playing there that I actually would like to see in ages.

    And merriweather and wolf trap ... I don't like that they are far away, and again, expensive, and anyway, I was never much for beer. But when I was a teenager I enjoyed many shows at both those venues, and 9:30, and black cat and blah blah blah. So I think I am old and crochety now. Perhaps I am not cool enough for rock concerts anymore?

  41. I saw two guys kissing in the park once, but Nickleback's "Photograph" video is at least 10 times gayer than that!

  42. In response to the "Rocking Canadian Quartet," you are correct, no one has ever uttered that phrase. However, there *is* a Rocking Canadian Trio - Rush.

    And they have come to DC, and I have seen them, and they are old, yes, but they are still smokin'.