1.23.2007

Evil Shopping

Anyone looking to spend $25 on an umbrella? How about $19 on a t-shirt? Wow, mousepads only cost $16? What if, to top it all off, these products could serve as constant reminders of the thing you hate more than anything else?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the DC Metro Store*. Please remember to set aside an additional seven to 19 dollars for shipping. It may seem like a lot, but remember, the DC Metro Store is "committed to your complete satisfaction." I wonder if the WMATA could say the same about their transportation services. Well, they could, but they wouldn't mean it.

My birthday is coming up in a few weeks. I want that umbrella.

*Thanks to reader Liz R. for the heads-up.
Posted by Rusty at 5:19 PM

43 comments:

  1. AnonymousJanuary 23, 2007

    yo would cyber agatha spread for rusty??????????????????

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousJanuary 23, 2007

    Yessssssssssssssssss.

    I have always wanted a plain white t-shirt with a green dot on it withU St/African-American Civil War Memorial/Cardozo written across the chest.

    My hard earned money well spent.

    Thanks Metro! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousJanuary 23, 2007

    I wonder if I can get a T-shirt with a picture of my train pushing another a broken down train down the blue line on it. Because that's what happened. Tonight. When I was on the Metro.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousJanuary 24, 2007

    I predict minority youth will purchase the XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL size white t-shirts and represent the stations where they are from and battle it out with other minority youth who are wearing t-shirts representing stations from opposite sections of the city.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousJanuary 24, 2007

    I particularly like that you can set up a Wish List. Awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  6. HRH King Friday XIII, Ret.January 24, 2007

    I plan to buy a set of the Cleveland Park Station mugs and and smash them over and over and over and over...

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousJanuary 24, 2007

    ^
    ^
    ^

    The above mentioned happens everyday already except the kids are all wearing xxxxxxxxxxxxxl plain white tees instead of the metro ones. "We rep suitland green line bitch!" "Yo fuck Suitland we rep simple city yungin!" "Chinga tu madre puto 18 street tu vida pendejo!" "

    Can't we all just get along?

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousJanuary 24, 2007

    All minority youth from different neighborhoods cannot get along for some reason. It is like an unwritten law or something. Code of the streets.

    ReplyDelete
  9. RustyJanuary 24, 2007

    Glad ya'll can write about minorities with such broad strokes. Maybe we can add some go-go references in there too.

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousJanuary 24, 2007

    Rusty you are a genuis. Metro should sell some Limited Edition green line t-shirts complete with go-go chants and shout outs written both on the front and on the back. I am sure they would become top sellers.

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousJanuary 24, 2007

    Great gift idea for your least favorite relative: buy them a $10 "gift certificate" that isn't enough to buy a single damn item on the list (not even a $11 "ID wallet with lanyard") so they still have to spend money at the godforsaken store, plus shipping.

    ReplyDelete
  12. AnonymousJanuary 24, 2007

    i like go-go.

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousJanuary 24, 2007

    The messenger bag is sort of cool (but not for $90). and hey you can get a $25 poster of the metro map, how is that better than the ones you can download off the site for free....and the 2005 Inaguration commemeration? REALLY! What YEAR is this? damn. This is a good one rusty. please send link to your wish list.

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousJanuary 24, 2007

    Rusty is drowning in white guilt.

    ReplyDelete
  15. AnonymousJanuary 24, 2007

    rusty is racist ... i miss the old blogger ...please come back

    ReplyDelete
  16. AnonymousJanuary 24, 2007

    At least cussing on the metro with an XXXXXXL shirt is better than sitting behind Dr. Daddy's Chevy Suburban with an abercrombie and Fitch popped collar shirt and clutching a $300 burberry umbrella. Put your name down anonymous! Perhaps you are afraid that the so-called "minority youth" will beat your @$$ on the train. They should!

    ReplyDelete
  17. AnonymousJanuary 24, 2007

    can you post about the possible ban of minors in clubs and d.c.'s twisted logic behind it?

    ReplyDelete
  18. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2007

    no, because rusty is in favor of it.

    ReplyDelete
  19. RustyJanuary 25, 2007

    Tim's right. Sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  20. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2007

    metro isnt too bad.
    try driving to work!
    and veronica...it will be ok.
    i know this is hard as you're another dc ghetto lover, but relax.

    ReplyDelete
  21. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2007

    My commute is always ruined by ghetto youth announcing out loud to the entire train how...

    "so and so who is down with tyrese and his crew disrespected their babby daddy at the club last night"

    Metro passengers are constantly subjected to such rants on a daily basis.

    ReplyDelete
  22. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2007

    I f---ing hate this miserable 3rd world piss hole!

    ReplyDelete
  23. SamJanuary 25, 2007

    Hah, I've totally always wanted Metro gear. Now I can travel to NYC and be like, "DC METRO REPRESENT!"

    ReplyDelete
  24. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2007

    For those who hate, please move, we're begging you. That being said, you don't need t-shirts to start a turf war, you just need silver spray paint, an alley way, and some 100 year old bricks.
    Then you can fill out the city form to remove the paint so there is limited graffiti in the city and they'll never show up. I LOVE DC! I wouldn't live anywhere else.

    ReplyDelete
  25. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2007

    ^^mentally unstable^^

    ReplyDelete
  26. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2007

    I'm a minority and I TOTALLY agree with what Congressional Staffer said. I bought a motorcycle and ride it to work in 20 degree weather JUST, and I do mean JUST so I don't have to ride the green or blue lines from PG county with those goddam disrespectful and LOUD ghetto kids. And of course, no one, including myself ever says anything to them for fear of being drawn into a humiliating verbal (or worse) fight with a 13 year old ghetto girl with big furry boots on, polka-dot tights, a miniskirt that looks like a scarf tied around the waist, and a really bad hairweave.

    ReplyDelete
  27. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2007

    OK, "I'm a minority" is not reasonable cover for you to start spouting idiotic generalizations of how all PG ghetto youth are LOUD and disrespectful.

    If the commute is a problem, the solution isn't harboring a generalized resentment of ghetto youth. I can't believe I have to explain this stuff to otherwise literate adults.

    May your motorcycle wind up decorating the front fender of a city bus.

    ReplyDelete
  28. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2007

    I didn't know people in SE could afford to buy computers, therefore the need for Metro mousepads.

    ReplyDelete
  29. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2007

    Yeah, one of these days, everyone should just beat the shit out of all those obnoxious ghetto kids. Then the next day, beat the shit out of them again, even the ones that aren't doing anything.

    Then, do the same thing again. It would be a good way to get pepped up for work, and you'll most likely see corporate and govt productivity sky rocket.

    ReplyDelete
  30. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2007

    Cant we all just get along?

    ReplyDelete
  31. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2007

    You know what is funny is when I am on the train and a whole bunch of ghetto youth board it and start pulling store merchandise out of their jackets and jeans with no reciepts or proof of purchase anywhere in sight.

    ReplyDelete
  32. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2007

    yo shamikka whut did u just cop? yo i copped me dat knew pretty ricky cd yo itz be bangin. he cute. dat be my next baby daddy right thurr. yo whut did u cop dat gold wig four? so it can wear it and match wif my lil kim bra and panties.

    ReplyDelete
  33. RustyJanuary 25, 2007

    Whoa. Y'all take a chill. You got to cool that shit off. And that's the double-truth, Ruth.

    ReplyDelete
  34. AnonymousJanuary 26, 2007

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    I want to buy two red line dupont circle t shirts so me and Rusty can wear them while we walk down P street together holding hands while grabbing each other below the belt. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  35. AnonymousJanuary 26, 2007

    Anyone else enjoy the cluster fuck on the Red line Friday morning? A "fire on the tracks" at Farragut North.

    Metro gets more and more creative with thier excuses everyday.

    ReplyDelete
  36. AnonymousJanuary 26, 2007

    the red line sucks, mainly because dupont circle is totally gay. but in the end, it is way better than any other line.

    ReplyDelete
  37. AnonymousJanuary 26, 2007

    To the blogger who wished me to decorate the front fender of a bus with my motorcycle, hate us all ya want for sharing generalized comments about ghetto youth. I hate em, I friggin hate parents who don't train their damn kids! After a hard day at work, NO ONE appreciates being trapped in a public subway car or metrobus with a bunch of rude, loud GHETTO brats, who CLEARLY lack home training of ANY sort; although they do learn early in life that the way to go is to possess those must-have items to be successful in life - Northface jackets, prepaid cellphones (bad credit ok), and orange sodas. Now go home and teach your children to respect THEMSELVES, not to mention others they share confined public spaces with. It never fails, whenever I'm on a bus or subway from PG county, there is always that one brat talkin loud on their prepaid cellphone (again bad credit ok) or ridiculously annoying beeping walkie talkie (oooh look at me I'm important; I don't have a job or an education but I have a walkie talkieeeeee!), like anyone in the train car wants to hear about the latest menu item at Yums carryout. Gimme a break. We pay for your rent subsidies, your free lunch programs, your food stamps, and your free std clinics - the least you could do is teach your kids not to act like untrained porch monkeys in a public place. So screw you for wishin such evil on me and go tighten your $300 weave and polish your gold teefez. With that said, I'm going online to the DC Metro Store and look for a cellphone jammer.....and some grape koolaid! Hmpf!

    ReplyDelete
  38. AnonymousJanuary 26, 2007

    "Gimme a break. We pay for your rent subsidies, your free lunch programs, your food stamps, and your free std clinics..."

    Good point! We should ship poor minorities to Alaska. Maybe they can put those north face jackets to use.

    ReplyDelete
  39. AnonymousJanuary 26, 2007

    To those who think they can talk all ghetto ass baby daddy this and baby daddy that. How fun is it to go to Tyson's Corner and look at all the Lindsey Loahn's in training with their miniskirts and Ugg boots going OH. MY. GOD, that is like soooo totally awesome!
    They make me sick!

    As for the STD clinics, the free lunch and everything else you mentioned, if you so how poorly run and pathetic those services are, they might as well not receive them.

    On the other part, if you are so high class that you can;t take it and this kids annoy and intimidate you that much, then you should buy a car and drive like every other ivy league sweatshirt wearing individual on the East Coast.

    ReplyDelete
  40. AnonymousJanuary 26, 2007

    "Lindsey Loahn's in training with their miniskirts and Ugg boots..."

    Yes please! Give me more of that. At least those girls are hot.

    Poor minorities are ugly.

    ReplyDelete
  41. AnonymousJanuary 26, 2007

    Ugly is as ugly does, oh anonyous motorcyclist. You talk real per-ty on a blog for someone who doesn't have the stones to tell some teenagers to keep it down.

    Rather than my renew my last appeal for DC's wonderful bus system to take you out, I now see that you're probably the type of bright bulb who is riding his honda scooter with no helmet anyway. Sooner or later you will lay it down under a DC garbage truck and we'll have one less bigot to contend with.

    For those who aren't closed-minded fools, the real answer would be to volunteer in a community where you perceive widespread problems. But you won't do that. You'd rather chatter like an entitled, self-indulgent little freak. You and your late-night-shots popped collar can just ease on down the road to Smith Point.

    ReplyDelete
  42. AnonymousJanuary 26, 2007

    People who claim to "hate" DC so much are invariably racists. It's a black majority city.

    And every city has it's chavs, neds, schemies, scallies, townies or whatever "charming" title is given to the local working class yoof. It's not just DC.

    Kids on public transport in DC are far better behaved than kids on public transport in my hometown. They smoke big skunk or hash spliffs up the top deck of the bus and threaten locals who dare catch their eye - "what're ye lookin at pal...ye wanty get fuckin wide, eh?"

    I've never seen a real act of violence on public transport in DC, but in London I saw a boy getting bottled by a crowd of QPR.

    ReplyDelete
  43. AnonymousJanuary 27, 2007

    QPR???

    Queer Puerto Ricans?????

    ReplyDelete

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