1.15.2007

Georgetown Report

On Saturday evening, I made the executive decision to take some Eagles fans to Rhino Bar in Georgetown. It was my decision because the Eagles fans were girls and didn't really know anything about sports other than that they were supposed to root for their hometown teams. Rhino calls itself DC's Philadelphia Eagles bar, so I figured that would be as fine a place as any to watch the game. Being surrounded by the misery of hundreds of Philly fans after their inevitable loss was just icing on the cake for me.

This was going to be my first trip to Georgetown in months. I usually try to avoid Georgetown at all costs. What with the expensive drinks, the popped collars, and the general douchebagginess of the area, I felt that Georgetown was truly one of the reasons why I hated Washington. This Saturday excursion proved me correct.

First and foremost, fuck Rhino Bar. I know I've made this point a thousand times, but it will always remain a thorn in my side. How the Hell can you be a Red Sox bar, an Eagles bar, a Buckeye bar, a Nittany Lion bar, and an Orangeman bar? Pick a region and stick with it for Christ's sake. The Penn State Nittany Lions and the Ohio State Buckeyes are in the same conference for crying out loud. That's like having a bar that doubles as a Red Sox bar and a Yankees bar. Real sports fans should shy away from that incestuous shit.

Not to accuse Philly Eagles fans of not being "real sports fans," but they could have cared less about the particulars of Rhino's allegiance. Rhino was packed. So packed that I saw the line to get into the place and immediately turned around. We retreated to a bar on Wisconsin and M called Old Glory. They had a deck with televisions. Awesome.

The walk from Rhino to Old Glory was marked by an especially excellent occasion. We walked by a homeless woman on M Street. One of the Eagles fans, the incredibly alert Cyber Agatha, noticed that it was the one and only "Brenda." People often e-mail me asking to send pictures of the infamous former Friendship Heights resident. Well, folks, she's on M Street. Have fun with that.

Anyways, Old Glory.

My original problem with the Old Glory deck was that they had a space heater going. I don't know if you've noticed, but we haven't had typical January weather for quite a while. The space heater was unnecessary. This is an admittedly benign complaint, but it was annoying nonetheless. The bar shifted into another degree of annoyance when the deck started filling up. The restrooms were literally ten feet from the deck. But when the deck hit capacity, the bar shut the doors and started a line to get outside. To leave the deck and take a piss meant that you had to forfeit your spot outdoors. Think about how utterly ridiculous this is. A bar punishing its customers for peeing. Fucking idiotic.

Another observation that hit me while on the deck and which continued for the rest of the night was how insanely beautiful and vapid the crowd was. Idiocracy + formal dresses = Georgetown. I'd like to say I've never encountered such a toxic combination, but I have this very same observation every time I decide to venture to Georgetown. I would pay a hundred dollars to have the dozens of overheard conversation erased from my memory. How can people who appear so well-raised be so boring, insignificant, and stupid?

Well, Old Glory was all good and fun. The E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES! lost to the New Orleans Saints. We decided to move on to The Guards. Not my all-time favorite bar, but whatever. It was drinking time. The Guards was packed with people. It always is. My friends and I decided to order two drinks instead of one to avoid waiting in line for booze again. So, I ordered six Red Bull and vodkas. To my abject horror, this set me back $72. For $72 I could have bought six handles of Zelko Vodka and five cans of Red Bull. I would have ended up way drunker. Making matters worse, some moron who was somehow affiliated with the group I was hanging with tipped the bartendress four dollars on a $60 tab. This was grossly unacceptable, so I was forced to overtip on what was already a staggeringly high tab.

(Also, parenthetically, The Guards has a similar policy to Old Glory when it comes to making people in the bar wait in line to get back in. Old Glory does it with the restrooms; The Guards does it with smokers. I think the smoking ban is stupid. However, I understand why non-smokers like it. I also understand that such a policy will mean that I will smoke less. (I smoke a pack a month; I think it would make sense to stop before this becomes a problem.) But not allowing smokers back into the establishment is incredibly stupid. It shows an amazing amount of disdain for their customers. Halo, a gay lounge by Logan Circle that was non-smoking before the ban, had it right when they let smokers back into their club immediately. They'd even have the bartenders guard your drink. Kudos to Halo. Shame to The Guards.)

By three in the morning, I was a broken man. I had managed to spend over $150 and I was going to have to go out again the next afternoon for the Patriots game. I was ready to vomit, pass out, and just press "reset" on my life. While drunkenly waiting for a cab, I ran into a girl. I have no idea how it came up, but she mentioned she went to college In Massachusetts. I was naturally intrigued. I asked her where. She responded, "Holy Cross." I mentioned that Holy Cross was, in my opinion, the second most beautiful campus I had ever visited (UPenn is #1). She thanked me for the compliment and asked me where I went. I told her I went to AU. She responded with a flurry of obscenities revolving around how AU was for dunces and imbeciles. A school that could never live up to Holy Cross. All in the flow of a friendly conversation. Her natural response to my praise of the lovely Worcester hill that Holy Cross sits on.

That's Georgetown for you. You go in looking for a good time. You leave broke and ridiculed. I got home and pulled the trigger to get all the last bits of alcohol out of my system. I was hoping I could do the same with every last memory of Georgetown. To wake up and forget that I had ever spent time there was the happiest ending I could come up with for my Saturday night. I'm writing this on Monday night, so you can guess how that wish turned out.

45 comments:

  1. Yeah man Georgetown sucks now. It has sucked for quite a while though. Go somewhere else next time. Too many fucking newly arrived transplants all over the fucking place trying to outspend each other. And for what? All it takes is some big time athlete to walk in the spot and make everybody in the building look cheap.I know plenty of people who spend $150+++ every weekend going out. Again I say for what? To impress who? $150x52 weekends out of the year.
    Do the math. Lots of money being wasted by 20 somethings in this town every weekend. Credit card debt. Interest only loans. Not good. Lots of people will be looking back 10 years from now saying to themselves "What in the hell was I doing?"

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  2. i hate georgetown and holy cross

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  3. "Yeah man Georgetown sucks now"

    I've been in this area for two decades. Georgetown has always sucked. Just because you're not the "newly arrived transplant" anymore doesn't mean that it didn't always suck, even way back two years ago when it was brand spanking new to you.

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  4. I've been to Rhino Bar once and I'll never go back. The guys were all wearing ties and the women were all wearing dresses and heels. It wasn't like a post-work happy hour thing; it was midnight on Saturday. Who the hell wears cocktail attire to a bar where the floor is covered in cigarette butts(well, this won't be an issue anymore, at least), the walls are adorned with sports pennants and everyone is drinking Miller Shite?

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  5. In Georgetown, I once overheard two girls discussing how they felt bad for that caveman guy in the Geico comercials.

    I wish I was making that up but I'm not.

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  6. I kind of feel bad for him too.

    "Tina's here! We're getting back together!"

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  7. Georgetown is a trip. You can see the dichotomy of rich and poor there (girls in furry stilettos and Gucci walking past a homeless man in a Santa hat begging on the street). I only work there, but still it sucks.

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  8. "didn't really know anything about sports other than that they were supposed to root for their hometown teams"

    That's more than some kids know, Rusty. Nothing like cable television to convince a Vermont kid that he's a Lakers fan. WTF?

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  9. well you know, Rusty, that you're a complete douchbag yourself for KNOWING it's that bad AND GOING ANYWAY. Last I checked there ARE other bars (and less awful ones) in other parts of the city. No wonder you rake in the women...way to impress them. Asshat.

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  10. lincolnparkerJanuary 16, 2007

    "On Saturday evening, I made the executive decision to take some Eagles fans to Rhino Bar in Georgetown."

    You lost me right there dude.

    I mean honestly, you love to bitch about how everything is so awful, everyone else is so stupid and insignificant, everyone else's bar/social life/metro should conform to exactly your standards.

    And then you go with some girls who know squat about football to fucking Rhino Bar???

    I've lived in six major American cities. In each one of them, I scoped out neighborhoods, bars, restaurants etc. I liked and pretty much stuck to them. Places I hated, I avoided.

    In EVERY city there are douchebags and shitty bars. Here, certain areas will be concentrated with them.

    Avoid those areas.

    You've been here a while man, you should know this.

    But you went to Georgetown on Saturday night BY CHOICE, so I have no sympathy for you.

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  11. I was trying to surround new football fans with a football atmosphere. We never even made it inside Rhino.

    And I never asked for anyone's sympathy.

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  12. What a frickin' bitch. And I'm not just saying that 'cause I got a Masters at Au.

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  13. Poor Rusty!

    Screw this town!

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  14. "She mentioned she went to college In Massachusetts. I was naturally intrigued. I asked her where. She responded, "Holy Cross." I mentioned that Holy Cross was, in my opinion, the second most beautiful campus I had ever visited (UPenn is #1)."

    You are sooooo gay, I can't even ... I can't even begin to ... I just can't.

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  15. yeah, i can't even bear to go shopping in g'town even if i were to go in the middle of a weekday. however, in that scenario it's a shiload of tourists who hear about g'town from tourbooks and friends, and embassy trash running around, you can't even walk on the sidewalks!

    can't wait until they get more retail built up further east of there.

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  16. rhino bar
    + inevitably close eagles game
    + saturday night in georgetown
    = you should have known better

    just a coulda, woulda, shoulda night, i guess.

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  17. rhino bar
    + inevitably close eagles game
    + saturday night in georgetown
    = you should have known better

    just a coulda, woulda, shoulda night, i guess.

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  18. i have just posted that 18 times.... damn. sorry.

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  19. I used to be one of those 20-somethings who blew money in clubs and bars. Looking back, I could saved up money and bought a townhouse before the DC real estate market went crazy.

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  20. did you ever see that Boy Meets World episode where Corey calls his dad average?

    8th place for enthusiasm in fat camp? classic.

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  21. anonymous - "No wonder you rake in the women"

    ???

    Rusty is definitely gay.

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  22. I used to be one of those 20-somethings who blew money in clubs and bars. Looking back, I could saved up money and bought a townhouse before the DC real estate market went crazy.

    You and me both.

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  23. wait...Rusty...GAY? Well I guess i should call LSS and tell her the tryst is off. She'll be heartbroken. She's been looking for an inside scoop (no pun intended). :)

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  24. Rusty is gay? Awesome!

    Call me, Rusty.

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  25. last time i was at old glory, it was pretty good...

    ...maybe because it was 5 PM on a wednesday and no one else was there.

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  26. I was head waitress at Old Glory, from 1994-1997 when I was at Grad School. It was kinda ok then, no deck, and live blues a lot of the time. It only got really busy on holidays and you could get a full slab of ribs for about $14. Sure, I came home every night covered in BBQ sauce but the cat loved it. I'm sure it sucks now tho, nothing good ever lasts - even my Adams Morgan 2 bedroom that I rented for $900 a month.

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  27. Pack a month? I must get a picture of Rusty smoking! Must look really cool. Does Rusty have a cigarette holder that he holds with finger and thumb upturned? Please post pictures.

    III

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  28. i totally agree that georgetown sucks. i was dragged to mie n yu on saturday night, where I paid $3.75 for a diet coke.

    totally unnecessary, as it was fountain soda and probably cost them, like, twenty-five cents.

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  29. Fountain sodas cost the establishment about five cents. Hence the free refills at most restaurants.

    I was almost at Mi'N'Yu myself on Saturday but I wasn't about to stoop *that* low.

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  30. Georgetown girl : AU :: Rusy : University of Maryland

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  31. As one AU alum to another I can feel the pain - and as for Georgetown... well its already been said.

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  32. Rusty,

    I remember WAAY back in the day G'town was actually a cool place to hang out. Pall Malls, The Bayou and The Crazy Horse were my favorite places. Yeah..you had posers back then, but not as bad as it is today. I think the problem now is that it's becoming so upsacle retail, the entertainment element is being overshadowed. I don't drink or hang out in bars like I used to, but when I do, I just head up to Fells Point. A lot better than dealing with the uptight assholes and shitty places here.

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  33. You can't even spell poseurs.

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  34. all you all gen-Xer's, yuppie scum, and those w/"proud parents" have really F'd-up a great thing. Course back in the 70's G-Town was sooooo much better than what you college pukes put up with today! Hell the best pot was for sale cheap, and the cellar door ruled! Oh well you all missed it.

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  35. I avoid Georgetown at all costs...except for my spa (Blue Mercury) if I go there, it's by cab only. I don't want to deal with traffic, parking, or crowds. Some of the restaurants are great, but I don't even put my foot in any of those lame college bars. There are so many other bars in town where you can watch a game and not pay $150 for drinks.

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  36. Anonymous said...
    "You can't even spell poseurs."

    Well..Maybe I will be as good as you one day!

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  37. mmafan... i'm sooo glad someone finally mentioned fells point. i've pretty much quit going out to bars in dc, when i want to go out for the night, i just head up to baltimore. fells point/canton area is the best! i love architecture and unique-look of baltimore and how all the bars are walking distance from each other. not to mention the bartenders will actually start a conversation with you, and everyone there just seems to be more down to earth, and yes there are white collar professional guy and girls in baltimore. also the charles village area around Johns Hopkins. its amazing how much cheaper the drinks are, and the people are normal not stuck up and condescending dipsh*ts like dc.
    its amazing how much more fun i have on the weekend when i just LEAVE DC and make the 30 minutes trip to baltimore. its a drinking town and a lot more laid back when it comes to partying. or even better... the 3 hour trip to NYC.
    the only thing DC is good for is jobs and making a decent amount of money. or if you're already settled down and not looking to meet new genuine people.
    -c from tysons

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  38. Okay obviously you all suck! If your gonna complain about spending money in dc-especially georgetown, well then you really don't belong. 1# people spend money to have a good time, and don't worry about how much because they know they can. 2# If your worried about how much money your gonna spend then dc isn't right for you. So all the frugel people in the world your better off staying at home and making your own martini's becuase I'm tired of hearing you all complain in the bars.

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  39. AnonymousMay 19, 2008

    I tend to like Georgetown. I don't see why you people don't like it. I am not rich...actually I happen to be a soldier and I love Rhino so much I decided to get a job there. If I had a dime for every time somebody bought me a drink there or when one of those "snobby" kids gave me a hug, hand shake, or a kiss I would be a rich mother fucker. Hey, I know everyone is entitled to an opinion, but how can you always be so negative. Probably you didn't fit in there or you care so much about what other people think about you that you left when you found out you weren't going to be the center of attention and got an attitude. You know I make less than 30 grand a year and that has never stopped me from going in there. The fact that Rhino's caters to all major sports fans is why they are so successful. If y'all knew anything about business you would know that. It has been my experience that if you got bad things to say about Rhino then you either were not permitted inside or you got kicked out. But like I said you are entitled to your opinion as I am mine.

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  40. AnonymousMay 14, 2010

    Seems to me there's a much larger concentration of douchebags and morons in DC in general. What strikes me about these people is that they actually think they have taste, or that they're somehow sophisticated because they think they live in a city, which is really nothing more than a fucking park that feels and smells like the inside of a cow's cunt for most of the year. The majority of restaurants/bars etc people have recommended to me just plain suck. And yes, Georgetown is probably the worst. Nothing but North Face warriors and trophy whores. I'm from Cali and I have one year left of grad school. After that I'm blowing this popsicle stand. Get me back to a real city.

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  41. Seems to me there's a much larger concentration of douchebags and morons in DC in general. What strikes me about these people is that they actually think they have taste, or that they're somehow sophisticated because they think they live in a city, which is really nothing more than a fucking park that feels and smells like the inside of a cow's cunt for most of the year. The majority of restaurants/bars etc people have recommended to me just plain suck. And yes, Georgetown is probably the worst. Nothing but North Face warriors and trophy whores. I'm from Cali and I have one year left of grad school. After that I'm blowing this popsicle stand. Get me back to a real city.
    __
    Don't know what's worse...that you've posted here so many times...or that you actually know what the inside of a cow's cunt feels and smells like. Go back to the country, hillbilly.

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