This is a totally personal post that has absolutely nothing to do with hating DC, but, whatever. If you find that upsetting, click away immediately.

I just want to let the masses know that I, Rusty, am the current Washington, DC Guitar Hero II Champion. Or, as one spectator so eloquently put it, I am a "god of rock." I plan on buying a championship belt and designing a champsionship patch for when I defend my title next month. I am glad that my years of Guitar Hero practice have finally paid off with a $20 Wonderland gift certificate.

So, here's a definitive list of my "useful" skills:

-Shredding my video game axe. Rock.
-Maintaining a shitty blog.


  1. My balls feel squishy.

  2. And oh yeah, my eyes hurt from reading your blog.

  3. And another thing. Guitar Hero is for fags. Oh wait, was that Guitar Hero II, nevermind then. That's awesome.

  4. make yourself feel better, and learn play a real guitar instead.

  5. Guitar Hero II champion, you say? If you ask me, that's a good excuse as any to take up heroin.

  6. What is the big fucking deal about guitar hero? It is not like any of the current popular rock bands out right now (or for most of the 2000's so far) know how to actually rock anyway. Rock is dead. Have you turned on the radio recently? Nothing but a bunch of fucking bullshit. Rock is dead and buried in the past. It is not like some member of the pathetic generation y is going to come out of nowhere and save rock music from its current sad state. Rock is dead.

  7. Hippest of the hipstersFebruary 23, 2007

    Rock has been dead for over a decade now.

  8. Was there a vote or something? I would have run Al Gore against you.

  9. angry 30 somethingFebruary 23, 2007

    Musically generation-y aint saving shit. That goes for any musical genre. They all suck. Horrible.

  10. Well, I hear from people in their seventies that rock is a "fad." I dunno. Perhaps.

    Guitar Hero? Have you ever actually saved someone's life by playing guitar? That's my goal.

  11. Have you seen the way some of these fucking bands today look like a bunch of extras straight out of the original REVENGE OF THE NERDS movie? What a fucking shame how rock music has declined from it's glory days up to now. Nothing but a bunch of fucking whining nerdy goofy looking white boys.

    What ever happened to rock stars who actually know how to rock? Fuck mainstream music I guess I will have to look to the underground for rock stars and for bands who actually know how to rock. But if somebody is underground then that means they cannot be much of a rock star I guess. Shit I dont know. Fuck the 2000's! Fuck all of this bullshit music. Maybe the 2010's will be better. Only 3 years left in this decade. I cannot wait until it is over.

  12. The haters of contemporary music should note that the heavy majority of songs featured in the game are from the 70s and 80s. My path to victory included songs by Megadeth (an EPIC performance), Jane's Addiction, The Stray Cats, and, naturally, Free Bird.

  13. Rusty, I don't doubt your skills, but I will not recognize your championship, as I was uninformed of this tournament. I remain the champion of my house. If you really wanted to express your domination over the district, you needed to post about this BEFORE the competition, giving all your loyal readers the opportunity to challenge you.

  14. Of course the majority of the songs are in the game going to be from the 70's and the 80's. Most of the so called "rock" songs of today require little if any actual guitar skills.

    The 60's rocked.
    The 70's rocked.
    The 80's rocked.

    The 2000's are SHIT.

  15. There was a comp last month where I got second place. I didn't tell people about it because the less people that are there, the better chance I have of winning $$$.

    There is no way in Hell I am telling anyone when the next competition is.

  16. hippest of the hipstersFebruary 23, 2007

    Well you can blame mtv for that.

    Have a nice day. :)

  17. Wha-- No Nickelback Rusty??

  18. Rusty, you're shunning true competition in favor of the scrill? This is what ruined boxing! Just know that I will now be on the lookout... When you do go down, I am going to demand that belt and patch you claim to be making, though given the level of honor I now see you lack, I don't anticipate you relinquishing them...

    And yes, that was a gauntlet thrown.

  19. The patch will say February Champion so I get to keep it forever. I would be honored to relinquish the championship belt to a worthy foe.

    BTW, I was only the second best player there. The best player lost in a massive upset. I got lucky. Still, I am the champion. The G.O.R.

  20. Nickleback and the word ROCK do not belong in the same sentence, the same paragraph or on the same webpage.

  21. That's a reasonable compromise Rusty. Don't forget to put some extra notches where the belt buckles - as you may have noticed, many of your more competitive video gamers, even when it comes to rocking, are of the wide-waisted variety. I don't want to have to sling it over my shoulder.

    Just out of curiosity, I assume this is all run on expert?

  22. Actually, no. There are three or four people who play on hard and/or expert. I play exclusively on hard since it's more fun than hearing missed note after missed note at 120 decibels (this shit is LOUD). The rest of the competition is a bunch of people who have perfected medium but haven't moved on to hard yet. I expect them to be playing at the hard difficulty next month.

    If you have mastered expert there is no doubt you are better than me. There is no way I am telling you when the next competition is. Stay away.

  23. "Mastered" is a tricky word. I certainly feel confident on all the hard songs, can only do well on like half of expert. Certainly nothing like what THESE assholes are doing:


    Heartening that nobody has a 100% on Beast and the Harlot on expert yet, though, right? Um... right?

    Moreover, you clearly have the edge in experience playing in front of a crowd. I could very well piss my pants and cry all the way home.

    As a not-unrelated aside, do they have a bong room or something? I'm not sure how I can be expected to perform in a public setting without the ability to tweak my neurochemistry for optimal riffage.

  24. Oh... so... links... don't work in comments... I see...

    Well rest assured,


    has some fairly impressive things.

  25. rusty, there's no way in hell you even listen to megadeth outside of guitar hero.

    that's why i like internet jukeboxes! because you can find actual good stuff like that on them.

  26. Rusty doesnt know anything about real rock music. Rusty was born in 1987 for christ's sake.

  27. 1983. Also, my taste in music is pretty awesome.

  28. I have just wiped a tear from my eye. I am so proud that not only is Rusty against middle school BJ's but is also a video game victor.

    I'm sure I will wipe away several more tears as I make my monthly loan payment on the 4 years of AU education.

    Let it be known that Rusty should be humbled and shedding his own tears knowing that his kid brother can and has kicked his ass on Guitar Hero II.

    My "Proud Cup" does truly runneth over! Two video vituosos!!

    Guess who.

  29. I have mastered the Hard mode as well but I sold my GH2 & PS2 when I got my Xbox 360. Thank the gods it comes out in April for 360. Then I will beat you.

  30. 1983, 1987. Same fucking thing. Well lets look on the bright side at least you were not born in 1990 or 1995 because that would be even lamer. Generation Y gets lamer and lamer the further down you get into the generation.

  31. Whoever argued that rock is dead, and that post 2000 bands don't "actually rock," hasn't heard the thoroughly rocking "Riot City Blues" by Glasgow's mighty Primal Scream.

    It's a feckin' rock cliche. Bobby Gillespie is a walking foil of skag. Mani is still the greatest bassist of all time. Ever. Even though he's a Manc.

    "Never get too heavy,
    Never get too loose,
    Never get too cool so's you stop paying your dues..."

  32. hippest of the hipstersFebruary 26, 2007

    Oh shut the hell up with your "rock is not dead obviously you have never heard of this band before" bullshit

    Overall the shit is dead

    You do not have to be a hipster such as myself to know that either

    30 years from now kids will be looking back at the 2000's and saying to each other

    "man the 2000's, they rocked yo"

    Get the fuck out of here

    More than likely they will be laughing their asses off at how much the music of today sucks

    Rock is dead.

  33. Primal Scream are by no means a hipster band. They've been around since about 1986.

    Their lead singer used to be the drummer for the Jesus and Mary Chain. Their bassist was part of the original Stone Roses line up.

    Just because the music on MTV doesn't do it for you doesn't mean there's no good music out there.


  34. hippest of the hipstersFebruary 26, 2007

    Oh shut the hell up again you know what in the hell I was getting at you stupid bastard.

    Nowhere did I say they are or were a hipster band.

    Rock is dead both mainstream and non mainstream wise.

    You must really be a dumbass if you think I do not know there is music being released outside of the MTV radar.

    Have a nice day. :)

  35. Hipster - Go and shite, cunty-baws. You clearly never got over your teenage Iron Maiden fixation.

    The world has moved on from spandex and fake monsters...maybe you should too.

  36. hippest of the hipstersFebruary 27, 2007

    If your band has been around since 1986 then they are clearly not a post 2000 band are they?

    You dumbass.

    Oh and Iron Maiden still releases new music you stupid fuck.

  37. Hey, I didn't know about this. Better watch out next time 'cause I'll be there handing out beatdowns.