Analysis of College Rankings, Season 2

Please see last year's post for my opinion on various schools. I'm just going to chart movement here.

I doubt it needs to be said but these rankings are stupid. I hate them. Who gives a shit about alumni donations?

T14. Johns Hopkins University
Last year: 16

Tied with Brown and Northwestern. Seems about right. Congrats on beating the Duke Rapcists in this year's NCAA Men's Lacrosse Finals.

T23. University of Virginia
T23. Georgetown University
Last year: 24 (UVA), 23 (Gtown)

And UVA catches up! Huzzah! Take that, Hoyas!

T54. George Washington University
T54. University of Maryland - College Park
Last year: 52 (GW), 54 (UMD)

Oooh, a backslide! I've been pretty outspoken about my disdain for Maryland students. Perhaps their tie with a local school on the US News rankings will give them cause to set a couch on fire. Fear the Turtle!

Oh, poor George Washington. Having to share space with those cretins in Prince George's County. No one deserves such a fate.

Pepperdine, the most beautiful campus on Earth, is also tied at 54.

T71. Virginia Tech
Last Year: 77.

This hardly seems fair. A school massacre would actually help them in the rankings due to the crazy increase in alumni donations. Shouldn't a school be penalized for not locking down its campus with a murderer on the loose? Like, there should be a penalty for that.

T85. American University
Last Year: 86

Yay! Up a spot! Whoooo!

Now is the time to mention in the comments that you went to a better school than me and that my diploma might as well be toilet paper.

AU is tied with Denver, Kansas, NC State, and Iowa State. We're still (barely) ahead of Alabama.

T96. Howard University
Last Year: 88

Uh oh. Big drop. Sorry, dudes.

T122. Catholic University
Last Year: 120

That's 122 out of 130. There's no school, other than Maryland of course, that I despise more than Catholic. What do you expect when my only experience on that campus was being dragged to a, ahem, Rusted Root concert? I was dragged I tell you! So, yeah, no fond memories there.

Here's the link you can use to find out how your school did. And, again, congrats for getting into a better school than me.


  1. you've forgotten the lost child of DC colleges.... UDC. mayhaps someday it will make it into the rankings. ...someday.

  2. Does anyone really care about this shit post-graduation? Caring about your alma mater's ranking is as pathetic as those 30-year-olds who still refer to their friends as the "frat brothers." Grow up dude.

  3. These college rakings are nothing more than subjective opinion bullshit; far from newsworthy. Do an online search and you'll find dozens of other "rankings". And most contradict each other.

  4. Whatever, dudes. I spent a shitton of money on school. The ranking doesn't determine the quality of the school, the quality of the school* determines the ranking.

    I like to know I've made an "ok" to "not terrible" investment.

    *Yes, yes, I know they base it on stupid things, but they are general indicators of the quality of a school.

  5. My school, Arizona State, made #124. They must have ranked using some sort of curve.... thank god.

  6. Gosh, and here I thought one would base the value of their investment in school on tangible things like one's own personal success versus some ranking.

    Look - I'm 28, I own my own business and live pretty well (in my humble opinion). I graduated from a college that's *gasp* not on this (or even most) of these ranking lists. But one of my employees is a GW graduate. But what I’ve created allows someone from good ‘ole school number 54 to make a living. A degree is nothing more than a fucking piece of paper. True success lies within the individual. Sans a Harvard law degree and other highly specialized and secondary degrees, one degree pretty much the same as another...especially when it comes to BA degrees. But if some people feel the need to see their school on some ranking - cool. I just think it's kind of petty and weak. But that is my opinion, not necessarily a fact.

  7. You got into a better school than me. Eight spots?! We dropped eight spots?! But Oprah spoke at our graduation! Obama's going to speak at our convocation! We had a presidential debate! What the hell else do we have to do? Become a white school? Fuck you, US News!

    Okay, sorry, going back to feeling superior to all the Gtown and GW kids anyway.

  8. My roommate and I thought that all would benefit if a heated AU/CUA feud existed. Not just in sports, but in everything.

    I couldn't stand the AU kids during my 4 years in DC. They just all suck.

    Although, they did let me mooch for free, non-Rusted Root, concerts. Unlike CUA, which charged admission even for CUA students.

  9. it looks like i am joining forces with ratto to combat your AUness, rusty.