8.08.2007

FFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK

I am not going to complain about the heat. That would be ridiculous. I mean, it;s unbearable out there, but that happens in DC a few times a year. I just hate how Washington handles it. You'd think that a city that gets extreme heat and humidity wouldn't feature a subway line that can't function in extreme heat and humidity. But here we are.

Ok, so expect some minor delays?

No.

Rusty's Theory of Metro Delays, that when one thing goes wrong everything else spirals out of control, is once again supported by empirical evidence. Check this out:

Dupont Circle station temporarily closed due to suspicious package on board a train (red line). Shuttle bus service requested between Woodley Park and Farragut North stations.

Oh fuck a duck. I've heard Cleveland Park and Woodley Park are closed as well. Fuck. FUCK.

Why does this shit have to happen? That fucking suspicious package better be a fucking bomb because if I'm stuck in downtown DC in 100-degree heat because of a backpack with some yuppie douche's gym clothes in it, I am going to have a major fucking meltdown.

(Irony alert: I am a yuppie douche and I was planning on going to the gym today.)

And I know the suspicious package and the heat are unrelated, but, Jesus, this shit always seems to happen at the same time. How the fuck do I get home now? A cab? Guhh. Do they have meters yet? Of course they fucking don't.

I hate this fucking city.

19 comments:

  1. A. Wouldn't a cab in rush hour with a running meter be more expensive than using the zone chart?

    B. If your blog was whyihatenewyork or whyihatejakarta, you'd have a lot better material today.

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  2. God damn it. I wrote this in a fit of rage. Don't point out my obvious mistakes.

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  3. Face it: the Metro is not suitable transportation. You reside in Friendship Heights, no? You need to move in closer or you will face this indefinitely.

    Thought about bussing it all the way? Before I moved into DC, I lived out in S Arlington and worked on 17th & Pennsylvania Ave. Although I had my car, my former employer was too cheap to come off some for parking expense...meaning I'd pay $200+ month to park. So I took the bus a lot of the time. It was more direct than the trains, bus people were less aggressive than the train riders and it was generally a decent ride. But the busses have such a stigma for some reason...not sure why. Sorry about your Metro woes…lots of people are going to be miserable this evening.

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  4. Ted Kennedy's LiverAugust 08, 2007

    Not necessarily James. Say, for instance, you are at Foggy Bottom and go downtown. Say such trip started at 23rd street. Simply going one fucking block over to 22nd street will put you in another zone. That, by itself, is fucking ridiculous.

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  5. TKL- not to be a smartass (ok, to be a smartass) but wouldn't taking the cab one block be, by itself, fucking ridiculous?

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  6. I got what you're saying TKL, the zone lines are rather arbitrary and hit helps to know where they are.

    But as I understand it, Rusty lives up in Friendship and works downtown. So sitting in a cab for that whole trip up CT or Wis. through all those lights with a running meter would cost a lot. Well, more than simply going across a couple zones.

    In either case, there has to be a bar near your office. Find a spot under the AC, have a burger and throw a few back. Then maybe metro will be ok. If not, a quicker cab ride. K?

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  7. Buses have a stigma because their crazy to normal ratio is highly skewed towards the crazy side.

    Plus you have a much higher chance of getting TB there than on the Metro.

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  8. Get this, Rusty. I was too much of an impatient dick to wait to get on a crowded shuttle at Farragut North, so I hopped on the 42 bus (i think) to Mt. Pleasant, hoping it would take me far up CT Ave enough where I can catch a less-crowded shuttle. An elderly woman tried getting on the bus with a day-pass from Metrorail, and he wouldn't let her use it (she even had a transfer from the train!). THIRTY FIVE FUCKING CENTS.

    So I offered to use my SmarTrip, and tried scanning it. BUZZZZZ! It wouldn't accept it because I already scanned it to get on the bus, and the driver starts flipping out. By the time he was done with his tirade, the old lady was already gone.

    Bus driver threatens to throw me off, and all of a sudden I'm the bad guy.

    I'm quickly getting as surly about DC as you are, Rusty. Can't wait till Monday, when I pack up and leave this place.

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  9. Well at least Metro rund in the rain, as opposed to NYC transit

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  10. This incident was probably a well planned attempt by some local teenagers or frat boys to ruin your wonderful 100+ degree day and other people's as well. Looks like it worked. Lots of teenagers or frat boys are watching the news together this evening raising their glasses in the air and saying CHEERS to one another before they down yet another round of cold ones. Mission Accomplished.

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  11. Rusty, I think I'm in love with you. I bet if we hung out you'd like this city more...

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  12. Rusty wouldn't like DC if you gave him a butt rub and a blow job.

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  13. Dude
    How long have you been writing this blog? Why don't you do all of us a favor and QUIT WHINING AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF DC ALREADY. Ciao.

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  14. On Monday I leave my humble abode atop the Tenleytown Best Buy and fly to San Francisco, where I will enjoy the 70 degree weather for a week.

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  15. great post rusty. it's definitely metro's fault that metal is affected by heat. what good is mass transit if it can't defy physics?

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  16. I might buy a rickshaw and pay a homeless guy to pull me around in it.

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  17. I'm glad I work from home. Sure, sometimes I feel like a prisoner but I'll take that for now.

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  18. rusty is a fuckwipeAugust 11, 2007

    Imagine if a bomb actually went off at Dupont Circle. A horrible mixture of shit and semen would blanket the city.

    Ew.

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  19. I love your site. I totally understand all of it. I lived in that city for years and had to get out. However, the ironic part is I'm in a small town and I'll probably come back because of better opportunities. Well, at least MORE opportunities. Sheesh. It's like jail....and I have to keep going back to it. I'm in the defense industry, so DC is ultimately where I'll end up again, sadly. Ugh. Can't wait to be around more shallow people again! Not.

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