On the same day the Post features a story on dogfighting, the Metro section has a fun little story about two numbnuts being fined for killing bald eagles. One numbnut made what appears to be a legitimate oopsie. Foxes were eating his chickens so he poisoned some chicken eggs. Fox eats eggs. Fox dies. Mission accomplished until eagle eats dead fox. The circle of life cost this poor sap over a thousand bucks.
The other numbnut, Francis G. Long, Jr., is absolutely glorious.
On a drizzling evening in March, hunting enthusiast Francis G. Long Jr. was shooting small game from the back porch of his apartment in Southern Maryland, as he had many times.
There's nothing quite as thrilling as shooting animals from your apartment. In no way is this dangerous.
Long had shot and killed other wildlife from the porch of his St. Mary's County home, including turkey vultures, a skunk and a woodchuck..."
So it's not just birds! He's aiming at things on the ground. Let's all take a moment and thank our Higher Power, whoever that may be, for sparing the lives of any children that may have wandered past Long's back porch.
Anyways, here's where this gets good.
"I feel terrible, especially now that we're at war," Long said. "There's a lot of patriotic sentiment out there. Some people might look at this like burning a flag.
He added: "I was just messing around and wanted to shoot a vulture one day and thought it was funny. So much for that. No more shooting in the back yard, I guess."
I get the feeling that Long may not be very bright. However I totally understand his need to own a gun. He works in Waldorf. And we all know that Waldorf is "pretty ghetto."
Someone needs to explain to me why hunting small game from an apartment building for sport is considered more humane than killing dogs. I would really appreciate it.