GIVEAWAY WINNER: Angry anonymous person who hates transplants

I have a feeling this winner might be reluctant to come forward. This submission came in the form of a comment, from "Snatch a Gentrifiers I-Pod then resell it at school the next day said...":
The thing I hate most about living in DC are the pasty transplants

Especially the pasty transplants who arrived during 1998-2009.

They think they are urban and hip but in reality they are really nothing more than victims of crime on a daily basis.

Besides being victims of crime on the streets on a daily basis they are also being victimized on a monthly basis month by their landlords.

Their landlords are stealing more money from them each month than a street thug ever will in an entire lifetime.

They are so shook they get uncomfortable when a group of 3rd grade minorities get on board the same metrobus they are riding on.

Stupid pasty gentrifiers.
It's been a while since we've seen the anonymous angry commenter, but I feel this entry is worth highlighting. The first part, about being victims of street crime--that's not really a new complaint. We all know that there are plenty of dumbass yuppies/hipsters/etc who walk around just asking to be robbed. It's true.

I liked this comment because it brings into play the other idea, that the transplants are getting robbed by their landlords. This is something we don't talk about very often. I'm sure the submitter meant to say that all transplants, no matter where they live, are getting robbed blind. In a way, though, this seems like something worth talking about. I'm not generalizing to all people who move here, but to those who don't do much research, and especially those who rent from unlicensed landlords. DC has some of the strongest tenant rights laws in the country (for a major city), but people do get taken advantage of on a regular basis. That said, there isn't much pity to go around for these people, those who shell out thousands for a poorly maintained basement apartment in a 'bad' part of town, that sort of thing. However, it's true. There are plenty of people who make a killing of rental properties that were purchased for cheap in the "gentrifying" parts of town. These properties are not taken care of, and likely the owners raise rents far beyond what's allowed by law.

As a final note on this, it's still difficult to understand why someone like angry dude directs comments to this blog in particular. This blog has always been operated by transplants, and in some cases (James), the writer didn't even live in DC. I've lived in DC for longer than any of the previous contributors, and I take far more interest in matters that are important to everyone who lives here, not just the yuppies or hipsters or whatever other name you want to come up with. In any event, send me an email if you want to claim your prize.

Runner-up: In the event I don't hear from angry dude, the runner up is Alan, who submitted:
Protesters. All of them. I don't care whether I agree what they're protesting. They need to stop marching on Capitol Hill; it's a waste of their time because no one in in this city fucking. cares. It's even worse when the protest is rhetorically limp. As an example, take last week's Right to Life protest. Around Union Station and Capitol Hill there was an influx of young, WASP-y, bible-thumping mouth breathers. They all proudly carried the sign, "Women DO regret abortion," as if that's a strong pro-life argument. They clogged Union Station and diverted traffic. Aside from the occasional idle curiosity, passerby couldn't give a flying fuck. The same goes for those who protest US Foreign policy, the World Bank/IMF, healthcare reform, cap and trade, both sides of gay marriage, and miscellaneous tree-hugging hysteria.

Don't get me wrong - I'm all about the right to assembly, and I don't think we should rewrite the first amendment. I'm just saying most* protests in DC are ineffectual, and instead serve as self-congratulatory twaddle for Midwesterners who harbor the delusion that a ten hour bus ride and stupid placards will influence federal policy. In light of last week's Supreme Court decision, they should instead funnel their resources into a corporation, and buy commercial time during Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

* Some protests, particularly those massive in scope, can produce positive results. I'm thinking Civil Rights marches, and to a lesser extent, The Million Man March. These large-scale efforts, however, are few and far between.
After the horrible experience locals had with the Right to Lifers this year, I especially agree with this. I also agree that this goes for both sides. The big anti-war, anti-whatever marches the left puts on are just as laughable and annoying. The very few events that actually made a difference, or actually preached unity rather than division are so few and far between they are mostly irrelevent these days. I'd absolutely love to see more of these types of events, events that reach historic proportions, but until then these are nothing more than a headache and a story that never makes the front page of any newspaper.

Aside from these, people weren't very clever. Yeah, we get it, Metro's escalators suck. It's an inconvience for sure, but if that's the worst thing you can think of about our region, then I suggest you broaden your horizons just a little bit.

One other entry worth highlighting was from "Andrew S. Lewis" who said:
I hate that we play so tough then hear the word snow and suddenly our testicles disappear. Also, I hate that we have this very puritan approach towards anything sexual. "I never do that because it's gross." Bullshit!
I agree about the snow, but let's talk real about the mythical puritanical sex. If we've learned anything from the bizzaro sex scandals that have hit DC, and the writing of "The Washingtonienne," there is a lot of kinky shit going down in this town. Hell, just peruse Craigslist for a few minutes. See also: Entre Nous. The real deal is that a lot of people in DC are so paranoid, and think they are so important, that they can't talk openly about any of this. Indeed, little miss Staff Assistant to a congressman we've never heard of, if you talk about how you like anal or three-ways, it will obviously be the largest sex scandal of the year. Clearly.


  1. Yay, this pasty fucker missed the anonymous hater's window of hateworthiness by a year. 'whew!'

    But I agree, I am some landlord's bitch. But I enjoy the freedom of being able to detatch at a month's notice (or less).

    What an interesting post overall...and yes DC is kinky as hell. I think it's all the repressed politicians who have to put on this shiny face all the time during the day. In the backroom they are freakz! I've been to many Eagles [gay leather bar in every major city] and I've seen the most freaky things in our very own Eagle.

  2. what a bigot. i'm white, new to the city, pay incredibly low rent and i carry an iphone and a knife. the pettier locals here need to realize that nothing in the modern world is sacred, let alone their neighborhood in a giant metropolitan city full of blighted empty property.

  3. awesome. totally agree on the transplant issue. as someone who was raised in this area, there is very little that annoys me more than you ass clowns from out of town who are all proud of DC if we're talking about grass-fed cupcakes in pentworth, but would rather tweet about michelle obama's shoes or a 5 cent bag tax than worry about dc voting rights. these people are the root of what is wrong with this city.

  4. pasty transplants are the only ones keeping this town from becomeing Detroit. Got a job? thank a transplant.

  5. the whole issue of locals vs transplants is just racist. if anything i am mad at the locals. they destroyed the city in the mlk riots and let beautiful historic neighborhoods fall into disrepair for the 30 years. when pasty transplants began to return to the city it began its rebirth. i'd rather hear a pasty transplant talk about grass-fed cupcakes then having locals leave trash and food containers where ever they feel like.

  6. And the best part is that these non-transplants are the offspring or grandkids of transplants for the most part. Their parents migrated north to DC.

  7. Sorry, I agree with the angry native DC dude.

    Here are the reasons:

    1. Transplants are the biggest pricks. Remember the kid who had to get straight A's on the report card; had to participate in student government; had to volunteer for every community activity because it looks good on the college application; had to wear the typical pretty clothes and had to hang out with "important" and "cool" kids? Well, those motherfuckers migrated here after getting their diplomas from an Ivy League, Michigan, Duke, UNC-Chapel Hill or some other prestigious institution. The achievement-oriented types feel their attitude is deserved. These spoiled rotten brats treat their fellow human beings like shit. Period. End of story.

    2. Transplants only care about your work occupation. You wanna get laid in this town? Boy, you better have a killer resume. Got a degree from a Top 25 ranked university/college? Check. Looking to apply for a top-notch law degree program? Check. If you already HAVE a law degree from a Top 10 law school, DOUBLE check! You speak at least one other foreign language fluently and you did an internship overseas? Oh yeah, check. Your family has a "connect" with a Congressman or Senator on the Hill? Oh shit yeah, check. You have the ambition of becoming a partner at a presigious law firm in DC with hopes of making near seven figures? The clincher, baby. Yep, you are getting laid. Other than that, you are a worthless piece of crap.

    3. Transplants basically destroyed middle-class African-American neigborhoods thanks to gentrification. DC used to be called "Chocolate City". Now, it's more like Vanilla and Lemon Cream Pie thanks to the influx of White and Asian yuppies. It's sad that the cholocate flavor is leaving the city for good.

    4. Transplants have made everything more expensive for District residents--especially drinking booze. I used to buy $1 bottle beer specials at bars back in the day (early 1990s). Now, you have these bars evolving into trendy mausoleums for hipsters and yuppies purchasing beer bottles at $8 a pop and cocktails at $12.

    Restaurant meals were cheaper. Taxicabs were cheaper. Back in the 1990s,you could rent a shithole apartment in Adams Morgan and still have plenty of cash to save if you were making under $30K annually. You could afford some decent digs at Logan Circle; you just had to dodge the crack dealers and hookers at night though.

    The locals are more polite, more friendly, more interesting than many of the transplant pricks who have infested DC's neighborhoods. Please dear God, move back to California, Wisconsin, Ohio, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, New York, BumFuck Texas, or some other faraway location.

  8. Well shoot, I missed out on the contest, but I wanted to throw my two cents out there.

    I'm a transplant; came here for a job. At first, I *really* hated DC. And, to be frank, there are still a number of things that really irk me. Before anybody says "why don't you just leave, then?" let me say two things: first, I likely will when I get the chance; second, I've finally found a neighborhood that I truly like and certain parts of it and DC are growing on me.

    Things that really irk me:

    1. DC's architecture. Now, I'm not talking about the height restriction (I'm not a fan, but that's just how things are, so whatever), nor the government buildings (government buildings everywhere are ugly, DC just has a lot more of them), nor the older architecture and row houses (I think they are lovely). But nearly all the new construction is rather ugly and uninspired, especially the large condo buildings that are displacing row houses and the neighborhood feel. The other day I was walking up 8th St. NE and saw a poured concrete building in the midst of a neighborhood of older row houses. Terrible!

    2. Anti-dog. First, DC laws didn't allow for dog parks on public land until Dec. 2007 and the first official dog park wasn't built until Nov. 2008. Second, in searching for apartments, the vast majority of apartments either don't allow pets or place a 25 lb. weight restriction. I've even seen one 15 lb. restriction! Lastly, I don't know why, exactly, but a huge percentage of the black people that live around U Street are scared shitless by dogs. It's a little odd, but is really sad and gets irritating when it isn't exactly a rare occurrence that a young girl (between 11-15) turns the corner and sees a dog a half-block away and proceeds to turn around, throw her hands in the air, and scream wildly while running in the opposite direction. Turns out that people in Northeast don't generally have this same issue. Strange.

  9. response to anonymous:

    1) there are lots of pricks in the world, get used to it.

    1&2) if you dont like this people then dont hang out with them! there are 5 million people in the dc region, find other friends! sounds like you having problems with the ladies, well that leaves more for me :)

    3) african americans destroyed white middle class communities in the 60s. communities and neighborhoods are not set in stone, they are always changing. the only constant in life is change. get use to it.

    4) yes it sucks that things are expensive anywhere worth living is gonna be expensive. things are more expensive now b/c of INFLATION. move to baltimore is you want a cheaper city.

    you are obviously drinkin some haterade.

  10. Entre Nous likes to portray itself as risque and open minded, but in reality most of their patrons are sad and creepy

  11. I'm a transplant who moved here in 1997, not 1998-2009. Should I be hating myself, or am I cool? Please, internet, tell me what to do. I can't live without the validation of nameless faceless people who dislike other people based on strictly defined categories.

  12. If an old white lady complains about all the new people moving into her neighborhood (Af-Am folks), it's obviously racism.

    If an Af-Am dude complains about all the new people moving into his neighborhood (Anglo folks), it's a debate over gentrification?

    Anacostia used to be white. Georgetown used to be black. Neighborhoods change, demographics change. And I actually happen to be an Anglo guy who feels it's tragic, literally and culturally tragic, that DC hasn't better memorialized its amazing Af-Am cultural history. Ben's ain't cuttin' it, let's have a couple museums up on U Street. Seriously.

    But you can bet a couple warehouses full of Funions that Mr. Hates White Newbies hasn't lifted a single finger for that remarkable history. And no, typing comments onto a blog thread don't count.

    Sad ineffectual hater, period.