Rate your apartment

This website is good entertainment for apartment renters. Tenants can go online and rate their apartments, allowing potential users to get real advice and see through the bullshit of the corporate landlords' advertising.

Oh, if only I could write ad copy for my apartment:


Two-bedroom apartment in Arlington. Combines 1950's architecture with Civil War-era wiring and plumbing. Parking available on cul-de-sac (note: visitors will be ticketed) or in private lot (visitors will be towed). Features:

- Surly apartment manager and surlier wife
- Doors close almost all the way
- Radiators that don't actually radiate any heat (Wintertime fun!)
- Washers and dryers that are sometimes not broken, in basement of building next door
- Hobbit-sized kitchen, with sink to wash dishes in
- Upstairs neighbors who vacuum entire apartment twice per day, presumably to keep detiritus away from the dirty bomb they are developing
- Downstairs neighbor is the deadbeat son of the apartment manager, who will often come upstairs to ask to borrow a couple bucks from you "just until his dad gets back from hunting," but will later forget to pay back the money after smoking up, and then gets pissed when you won't lend him a couple more bucks, and who will attempt to support a burgeoning career as a rock vocalist by "singing" at all hours, and by singing I mean mangling, because this kid is sadly surpassingly tone deaf, and it's impossible to learn how *not* to be tone deaf, but this kid keeps trying anyway, repeatedly mangling "Lightning Crashes" by Live and "Closer to Fine" by the Indigo Girls over and over and over in the hopes that his friends from George Mason will let him into their band

All this for $1,035/mo., plus a security deposit equal to one-month's rent. That has to be paid in cash. It's all true.

My apartment building has been ranked by two people, and, with 1 being the worst and 5 being the best, it has an overall ranking of 1.0. And I haven't even posted my rankings yet.

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