A history lesson for FedEx and UPS

John Adams and Grover Cleveland were two different people.

Granted, they were both presidents in the 19th century. But still, really, almost 100 years apart. One had to deal with the French and Indians and whatnot, and the other had to deal with railroad robber barons, or something. (You can really tell that three out of my four parents are history professors.)

Even their names were different: ADAMS has five letters, and CLEVELAND has more than five. That's probably why, when whoever it was who laid out Arlington was naming streets, they figured that putting Adams St. a block away from Cleveland St. wouldn't seriously confuse anyone.

So, FedEx and UPS, I have a question: why have you each delivered packages addressed to me, who lives on Cleveland St., to an apartment building on Adams St.?

ME: Hi, I'm tracking a package that says it's been delivered, but I don't have it.
UPS: What's the tracking number?
ME: q84790547824275nuir20574890275420h5749-01jd90903692758h0vb2n57802314.
UPS: OK, I'm showing that was delivered to Adams St.
ME: I live on Cleveland St.
UPS: Oh yeah. Oooops.

They eventually retrieved and re-delivered the package, this time to me. And then, the exact same thing happened with FedEx:

ME: Hi, I'm tracking a package that says it's been delivered, but I don't have it.
FEDEX: What's the tracking number?
ME: 324j453920754890735027435-vn03295740235342570143124j321432143-214326547-65489764874365/2-6546354365436753l62^347543.
FEDEX: OK, I'm showing that was delivered to Adams St.
ME: I live on Cleveland St.
FEDEX: Oh yeah. I'll bet that's why you don't have it.

AAARRRRGGGHHH.

It's not like the two buildings even look alike; the Adams St. address is a nice modern high rise, with a convenience store and security guards. (I know this because I went over there trying to retrieve a package.) My building, in contrast, is a Civil War-era piece of crap, and instead of security or a front office of any kind, we have Tony the Disgruntled Landlord.

Tony's an interesting guy. He's a former cop, and works as the resident manager of our building. He's brusque and grouchy, goes hunting every weekend, and clearly would be more comfortable in a less urban setting, like, say, No-Darkies, W. Va. I had the following phone conversation with Tony after the first package went missing:

ME: Hi, this is James in apartment 2B.
TONY: Yeahp.
ME: I had a package that was supposed to be delivered to me, but the Internet says it was signed for by someone named "Chung." Is there anyone by that name in our building?
TONY: Well, I know there are some Orientals next door to you.
[EDITORS' NOTE: Their name isn't Chung. Not even close.]
ME: I already asked them, they don't have it. I was just wondering if you knew anyone named "Chung" who lives here.
TONY: Mmmm.
[silence]
ME: Thanks, you've been a big help.

James vs. red America: always a good time.