James shrugged

Who cares if we're the worst sports city? People need to find a better form of civic pride than routing for a bunch of overpaid steroid abusers.

-- Libertarian Girl, why.i.hate.dc comments section
Ugh. This has to be the absolute worst thing about Washington: libertarians are allowed to survive and even thrive like normal citizens, and nobody goes to the trouble of making them suffer public humiliation. (Sorry, Libertarian Girl; looks like you're this year's Lory Levitt.)

Seriously, there's nothing worse than libertarians. For those who are unfamiliar, they're kind of like communists in reverse; instead of worshipping the worker, they worship the CEO. Libertarians hate government involvement in our affairs, especially the spending any tax dollars. They think the free market should be allowed to solve everything without the oppressive yoke of government regulation. Because we all know how great corporations are at looking out for the public welfare.

Any inefficiency on the part of the government to protect or help its citizens is seen as a crime against humanity. If libertarians ran the show, all drugs would be legal and unregulated, and the resulting health problems would be seen as an unfortunate side effect. There would be no subsidized health care, welfare or social security of any kind. In their world, property is sacred; government is Satan; workers have no particular rights; the oppressed deserve their oppression. (Think I'm exaggerating that last bit? Just wait.)

Wait, did I say there's nothing worse than libertarians? There is one thing worse: young libertarians. Young libertarianism is what happens when spoiled rich kids grow up and decide the world should continue to spoil them. They've managed to come to the conclusion that the suffering of others is tolerable, and that the powerful have no particular responsibility to help those in need. It's elitism at its worst... which, of course, makes Washington like Libertarian Disneyland. Every time I go to a party or some kind of social event here, there's always at least one tool who describes himself as libertarian.

That brings us to D.C.'s own Libertarian Girl. (In the interest of social Darwinism, I did not fix the broken link she posted in her comment. That is left as an exercise for the reader.)

First of all, it should be illegal for libertarians to lecture anyone else on civic pride, since their whole reason for being is to completely eschew caring for one's neighbors in favor of unfettered greed. And secondly, the "steroid abusers" comment is interesting, considering that in a libertarian society, steroids would be legal and unregulated, and athletes would basically be encouraged to take them in order to score the biggest salary possible on the free market. (So, yes, the world would be just like Major League Baseball. Yecch.)

Then, I surfed over to her blog (after fixing the link in my browser). And then, there before me, lay... The Most Awful Post Ever.

American taxpayers shouldn't be forced to pay for Tsunami relief. It's not our responsibility to help those who refuse to help themselves. The reason why the countries hurt by the tsunami are too poor to afford their own tsunami relief is because their governments are corrupt and they don't allow free markets to flourish and create wealth. Sri Lanka especially is considered one of the most corrupt governments in the world.
OH MY FUCKING GOD. What kind of person talks this way about disaster victims? Un-fucking-believable.

And yet, people allow her to just go on living, letting her walk right on down our taxpayer-funded sidewalks without administering any kind of beatdown or re-education. This needs to be corrected. Fortunately for our community, as a blogger and co-Person of the Year, I have decided that it is my civic duty to perform said re-education. So, grab an OSHA-approved chair, Libertarian Girl, and pay attention!

You are an awful person. In normal society, people care about whether other people live or die. When you don't care, that's called psychopathy. And, as a personal rule, I refuse to take the political ideas of psychopaths seriously.

I'm obviously no fan of Bush and his cadre of neocons, but even they (eventually, after some gentle prodding and name-calling) saw the need for $350 million in federal disaster relief. Yes, there will be some problems helping out. No, not all the aid will reach the intended victims. Doesn't matter; 150,000 people died. You do it anyway.

I haven't even gotten to the best part. Click on Libertarian Girl's profile, and you'll learn that... wait for it... yes... SHE WORKS FOR THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT. Little Miss Fuck-The-Man is employed by the very government she wishes to see all but dismantled. Her entire lifestyle is funded by taxpayer money.

Oh... my God. I have, like, a million questions. Does nobody take her to task for this? Is there a Nobel prize for hypocrisy? Could this happen anywhere on the planet besides D.C.?

Wow. That's it. It's over. I can't handle this. I will no longer talk to libertarians. Any of them. And let us never speak of this incident again, under penalty of torture.

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