This story is on the cover of today's Washington Post. Seriously. A woman's search for her cat. You have never read more batshit craziness than a woman who is still putting up posters for a cat that went missing three and a half years ago.
The article is really good if you just pretend that the author, Steve Hendrix, is using this crazy woman for laughs. Unfortunately, the tone of the piece is rather serious. Perhaps really thick sarcasm? Let's hope so.
"My assumption is that somehow he's making it," [Maxine] Hillary said. "I just can't believe he's dead. It just doesn't make sense to me."
It makes sense to me. It ran away and then your town was hit by a snowstorm. I am going to conclude that your cat died there. Who knows. Maybe it was hit by a car or eaten by a coyote. I'm still going to bet snowstorm.
"I may be a crazy cat lady one day, but I'm not one yet," she said.
Let's juxtapose that with the following quotes and facts:
~She claims to have spent $4,000 on this certainly dead animal.
~She claims to have lost eight pounds immediately after the stupid pet went missing.
~Check out this craziness:
"As much as we talk about spaying, neutering and vaccinating our pets, we need to talk about what to do when they go missing," said Hillary, who has become an advocate for pet identification programs. "My vet would push toothpaste for cats, but they didn't have a microchip machine."
A FUCKING MICROCHIP MACHINE!?
~She contacted bounty hunters, psychics, and something called the American Society of Dowsers to find her cat.
~She bought an infrared camera and motion detectors to record anything moving in her yard at night.
This article would have been rejected by the Yarmouth Register. What it's doing in the Post, I don't know. Shouldn't these guys be focused on crime and the DC Council? Surely there are more interesting human interest stories out there.
Then again, I'm posting about it. Shows what I know.
Posted by Rusty at 9:18 AM