Look at my taste in night clubs...


This club means one thing. That I am better than all the losers who go to Science Club or Local 16.

I too drink on my parent's credit card (and use their connections at work, and brag about the high school where they sent me, and insist on "qualifying" strangers by demanding their opinions on South American politics). But I know it's important to spend my parent's money at a place where real people go.

People with tattoos.

I don't have tattoos because you never know how a career in politics will end up. (Also, the parents are still paying the bills...) But I am still very real. Because I understand the MEANING of the tattoos, man.

Besides, someday soon I might pierce something that won't show.

I have a fixed gear bike. I ride it to work sometimes. And I can remember way back - three, four years ago - when all the poseurs hadn't moved to town yet. Me and my friends talk about these things at this bar on H Street. A lot. That makes me almost local.

We don't dance because dancing is for frat boy losers.

I came with some frizzy haired girls who also know a lot about South American politics. But I will ignore them and spend all night hitting on the hot chick, who must be stupid. I will ask her about South American politics. If she knows the president of Chile and mentions this month's (ok this WEEK'S) Economist, I will get uncomfortable. I will start to brag about how I might pierce something and she wouldn't understand.

When her tattooed friends show up, I will lie and say I will be right back. Then I will go back to my friends and tell them there are no cool chicks here. The frizzy haired girls will roll their eyes and leave.

I will get more and more drunk. The bartender will start giving me watery drinks. I will stiff him, as punishment. Then I will brag about it to all my friends. Stupid bartender. I'll bet he just moved here.

When the bartender kicks me out, I will stumble down the street. Someone with tattoos will feel guilty about me being obvious mugger bait, and will stand near me while I wait for a cab. I will bum a smoke from him. I am real like that.

The next day, I will ask everyone if they've been to my club before, and look disappointed when they say yes. I will quiz them on when, EXACTLY, they started going there because I am sure I found the club first. Once this point is settled, I will be comfortable again. I will tell them about my plans to pierce something. Soon.


  1. Liz-
    Outstanding. Entirely perfect. Thank you for this.

  2. YEAHS!!!!!

    Tattoos are gross

  3. The good news is that I get it. I even relate a little bit.

    The bad news is that it's not really all that funny.

    Proof of this is offered when you chose to source your humor, as though people will read your post, not understand it, then re-read through it through the lense of "ooh, this is a send up to that really sarcastic book I saw in Kramers a few weeks ago! Awesome, so funny!....OMG do you want to go to Kramers for brunch on Saturday?"

    Before you delete any more comments for not being smart or funny, learn youself one of the fundamental rules of good comedy: you can't explain a joke.

  4. You misspelled poseurs.

  5. Shit. I did. It's fixed.

  6. The only qualm I would have is that people at Science Club (I don't know about Local 16) are the same. But other than that... good post. Touche, Liz.


  7. anon-
    I hate to say it for fear of being all jumped on, but I think Liz has seen that no matter how good her humor, or how funny to some of us, there are a LOT of posters who will not get it and who will whine about how much they don't get it.

    I thought the tag was a good way to handle it.

    I also thought the Look at my Striped Shirt nod was totally unnecessary. I mean, funny enough even if you aren't familiar.
    But then, I *did* think the post was funny.

  8. Getting better, Liz. MUCH better.

  9. Yeah. I figured that unless I admitted to the inspiration, George would show up with a link and a breathless accusation of plagarism. It's unbelievable how excited these guys are. Very. Very. Weird.

  10. Wow, I am sorry abuot this blog. I miss Rusty. Liz, you seem like a nice girl and you are trying, but it's just not working. Rusty, come back!

  11. Haha, these types are also prevalent at Asylum's quarter beers when they've overdrafted their bank accounts.

  12. very funny
    why can't we look at archived entries?

  13. @anonymous:
    "why can't we look at archived entries?"

    Because Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia.

  14. Rusty couldn't fix the archives either, and I think I made it worse. You can still get to older copies if you just keep clicking through the bottom of the page.

  15. Well, look. at. you! This was WONDERFUL!

    Now don't get all mad because I liked your post this time. You don't have to get all "I didn't cave into you trolls, I just wrote from the heart" on me. Let's just enjoy this moment.

    I like Science Club though. You should meet me there for a drink sometime. I'm ghey so don't try to get all handsy with me.

    m@ can though. Holler.

  16. i don't even live in dc anymore and still read this blog
    I knew rusty way back when as a young strapping coed at American U. before the days of whyihatedc.blogspot
    keep up the good work liz! haha it helps me remember why I moved out of that damn city

  17. Hey, Liz -- FYI: Did you know that when you delete a comment on Blogger and click the "remove comment forever" box it won't show the "comment deleted -- This post has been removed by a blog administrator" message? Their comment will just disappear with no trace, like they never existed.

  18. The economist is a weekly magazine

  19. @ Mikhail - Killing the buzz, now THAT is funny!

    "The economist is a weekly magazine."

    I bet even the "hot chick, who must be stupid" knew that.

    Liz, do you even know who the president of Venezuela is?

    (Pssst... That's in South America, by the way.)

  20. Tattoos are for white trash, wannabe white trash, and former white trash. No offense if any of you have tattoos, but you are obviously white trash.

    Give me the douchebag LNS guy any day over a "I think I'm so smart but I probably went to a shitty state school and wasn't even in the honors program" freak.

  21. Sounds like you fit in perfectly in DC!