4.15.2009

Prisons



Life passes quickly, murderously.

The walk from Georgetown to Virginia over the Key Bridge passes quickly too one night, cold air pushing exhaust from passing cars safely into the atmosphere, away from me on the surface. Borf-like graffiti in blue-stenciled print draws my eye to the sidewalk, admonishing me to “Stop Building Prisons.”

On the other side, I sit with my drink at a coffee shop, watching the evening crowd queuing to dress their coffee with half-and-half, 2% and nonfat milk, sugar and spice at the counter that has no name but should—the Patagonia, as I think of it. Some people are nice at the Patagonia, whereas others wish only to drink their coffee sometime before they die, sometime soon.

In the newspaper, Mayor Adrian Fenty agrees that life is too short. Squeezed by the recession, the city hopes to save $4.4 million during the next fiscal year by allowing as many as 80 percent of its prison population to qualify for early release, which would reduce the daily average of 3,000 inmates by two percent. To qualify, prisoners must pass a battery of physical fitness tests, demonstrating also proficiency with either small arms or at least one video game—no written tests required.

**


Nothing in life forces a self-accounting quite like contact with the police or with a law firm performing due diligence, adding and subtracting, pulling off-balance matters back onto the ledger. The man hears a summary unlike that which I tell colleagues, young women and that proverbial business opportunity in the elevator.

No judgments have been issued against me, unless you count that restraining order—and I don’t. My record includes three arrests, two in 1997 and one in 2006, all resulting in misdemeanor convictions. “But I served no jail time!” would be my epitaph, someday.

**


Which is not entirely true, either: I once lived in the District of Columbia.

136 comments:

  1. But wait! Arlington is not D.C.! I STILL don't understand how things are connected to other things!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I like you M@, but I don't get this post. What does grafatti and prison policy have to do with coffee shops. And how does this tie back to your criminal (and potentially abusive) past.

    ReplyDelete
  3. god, is it possible to pedal these douchy pathetic short story experiments on some other site?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous1--You make a fair point. But I was purposely trying to be... disjointed. I'll try to make some more horse sense for you later....

    ReplyDelete
  5. So lemme connect the dots for you.

    I was walking from D.C. (which I hate) to Virginia (which I prefer) and I saw that graffiti that is nearly ubiquitous here in the D.C. metropolitan area, about the prisons. So then while I was sipping coffee at the coffee shop I read the article about Mayor Fenty's prison policy (bringing it back!) and then reflected on how I'd never served any jail time, unless you count my years in D.C. (again, a city that I hate).

    So that's what happened there. It's really not all that experimental. It's old hat, really.

    Cheers,

    ReplyDelete
  6. So you're an overly-sensitive-yet-abusive guy who can't grow and evolve in a relationship with an attractive intelligent woman.

    Try writing about something we don't already know.

    Next.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Arlington is for fat chicks who live together until they meet the frat-boy of their dreams from Georgetown. Then they move to Ashburn or Manassass and put on makeup before they drive to the local strip mall.

    ReplyDelete
  8. HAHAHAHA, Great call Anon up there ^

    Really though, this post sucks bro.

    ReplyDelete
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  10. Fuck these anon coward bitches.

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  11. Fuck queer guys in the UK with hyphenated last names.

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  12. I'm Ned, not anon.April 15, 2009

    So lets see... Marissa cannot find affordable housing at free market rates anywhere in the District, and refuses to move to Virginia.

    Section 8 or "affordable" (read: subsidized in some form) housing in the District has a years-long waiting list, and we're seeing legions of 'community activists' decrying the lack of 'affordable'housing in DC and blaming it on "The Plan" to push the underclass out of DC.

    Now there is this story about the possibility of releasing convicts into the free and/or subsidized markets of Washington DC. If it happens, I predict that they will head to the outer suburbs, where housing has become very affordable in the past two years.

    I've already had co-workers in DC who live in Bowie blame the spike in crime in PG County on me; because I'm a white guy who bought a home in Washington and "displaced some criminal element."

    This world is fucked up. It isn't limited to this city.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I am really surprised that so many people seem to "hate" you or your writing (which one is it by the way?) but still care about you or your writing (so, which one is it?) to read and comment. Edifying.

    In the meanwhile, I continue to learn about you...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Life on Edge; a buddy of mine helped me to tag-team a skank back in our college days. You remind me of my buddy. I'm betting that he's your daddy.

    ReplyDelete
  15. M@'s criminal convictions probably are a result of bad behavior at faggy peace protests.

    Please, smat people keep buying property in DC, the criminals will be out eventually. No one is entitled to living in DC or anywhere else, just push 'em out to PG.

    ReplyDelete
  16. because I'm a white guy who bought a home in Washington and "displaced some criminal element."
    You know if there are ever major riots again in DC...
    You know who/where the main targets are going to be right?
    Dont expect for the MPD to protect you either.
    Every yuppie, transplant and hipster are going to have to fend for themselves.

    ReplyDelete
  17. False name coward:

    Nah, until you have balls to out your own self and actually let people know who you are, you're the one that can fuck off.

    Come back when you're not chicken.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dr. SausageApril 16, 2009

    "You know if there are ever major riots again in DC..."

    The riots will be in the suburbs because there are no jobs there, because housing values have fallen through the floor, and maybe because gas costs over $5 per gallon again. Then, getting food to the suburbs will be a very expensive proposition. (have you noticed the spike in the price of food, the collapse of housing values, and the massive unemployment?)

    If anything, DC will be the safest place in the country. Block the bridges over the Potomac again, and we're off to a good start.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh, Danny Boy. (you get knocked down, but you get up again, you know they'll never keep you down, you get knocked down, but you get up again...)

    No no no. Fuck YOU. I insist. Really - Fuck YOU.

    James Lipton has the stench of bitterness and failure; and he's wildly successful compared to you. Your putrid scent of failure is conveyed via electrical impulses and pixel dilations. Pathetic.

    Cheerio, you queer hyphenated-name twit.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Fake Name Bitch:

    I can put your down all day tit wank, your put downs are as weak as your self-esteem, tell you what, I won't fuck you up completely if you at least stop being an anon coward cunt and use your real name and email.

    Or are you chicken?

    HA HA HA!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Danny-Boy,

    Are you are brit or an expat? Either way, you've chosen a washed-up nation to call home. Fitting.

    For the rest of you, this is the bad-ass aka DH-G.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FZ0Me-QgEQ

    HA HA HA!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Sausage,

    You should be worried about getting food into the city, it's not like food is grown and processed from inside of the city. And even if you have closed off bridges into DC on the Potomac side, there's still plenty of ways for people to come into DC like from PG County or MoCo.

    Anyway, if you come to this site every day or two, you come to expect this kind of writing from M@.

    "Arlington is for fat chicks who live together until they meet the frat-boy of their dreams from Georgetown. Then they move to Ashburn or Manassass and put on makeup before they drive to the local strip mall."

    Sounds like you're from Manassas or some other shitty suburb somewhere. How do you like working on the Hill now that you've moved to DC after graduating from college in the Midwest?

    ReplyDelete
  23. "You should be worried about getting food into the city, it's not like food is grown and processed from inside of the city. "

    We have things called "railroads" and many, many of them lead here. People and frieght transit these "railroads". Interesting that the city is the hub of auto roads, too.

    My undergrad studies were in NYC. Grad school was here in DC. I'm downtown, not on the hill.

    Sucks to be you, right? Yes, thought so.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Damn, the anti-Sterling crowd is back.

    Can't this just be a garden variety "DC is such a stupid shithole, this prison release is bound to go wrong, Fenty is such a cuntstain of a Mayor" type post?

    ReplyDelete
  25. Fake Name Douche Bag Who Can't Do HTML Links:

    Look me up jizz bucket, do some research then get back to me when you are able to put together coherent arguments.

    Dig?

    And thanks for linking to one of my commercials, great to work in Norway and earn a fine living from acting and if any of you are willing to leave DC, go to the Tribeca Film Festival where my first feature film is opening.

    HA HA HA!

    ReplyDelete
  26. "We have things called "railroads" and many, many of them lead here. People and frieght transit these "railroads". Interesting that the city is the hub of auto roads, too."

    Railroads can be hijacked and corrupted just as highways can. DC relies on services from the outside so thinking that everything is going to be just peachy inside of the city is ridiculous, a lot of people are going to want out of the city. It's just gov't, DC doesn't actually produce anything. If the shit hits the fan, we're pretty much all in trouble.

    "My undergrad studies were in NYC. Grad school was here in DC. I'm downtown, not on the hill."

    And I went to undergrad in Boston and grad school in NYC and it doesn't suck to be me, I'd have to say it's wonderful right now.

    ReplyDelete
  27. My undergrad studies were in NYC. Grad school was here in DC. I'm downtown, not on the hill.You are still a fucking transplant scumbag though.

    Using the NYC and DC names to make you feel better about yourself and gain cred from all your family and friends back home in the shithole you came here from.

    Transplants all move here because they did not have shit back home where they came from.

    Everybody wants to be urban now.

    Many of these scumbags even deny where they are actually from and try to say they are from DC when in reality they are from some midwestern shithole.

    Sometimes when I walk the streets and see all of the recent transplants it makes me want to vomit. It makes me feel ashamed to be white.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Black TV Jesus will give those ex-cons jobs installing energy efficient light bulbs in federal buildings.

    ReplyDelete
  29. i think it's funny how much hate you're getting for this post.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Here's some constructive criticism: it's clear you are a capable writer, and have a good grasp on the English language. However, I think your posts are worded awkwardly sometimes and are unecessarily verbose. If you have a point to make, you are better off getting to it directly and succinctly, rather than dancing around it with confusing language.You could try to find elegance in simple(but not pedestrian) writing. Just my two cents.

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  31. G
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  32. Donald Onahuto, Jr.April 17, 2009

    Oh, so you're saying the spraypainter is a pre-pubescent victim of pederasty? Or is she just trying to make the Jesuit wankers look bad?

    ReplyDelete
  33. If you mumble Hoffmann-Gill’s banal lines aloud, in a low-class Brummie accent, as if your mouth is covered with dozens of sores, his dull but self-shaming posts can sound pretty amusing. To do justice to his art of clowning, the poor dude belongs in a medium of sound and light, not print. He’s the equivalent of our ghetto kids trying to sound like the suburban gangstas they’ve studied on grandma’s tv set.

    ReplyDelete
  34. "Sometimes when I walk the streets and see all of the recent transplants it makes me want to vomit. It makes me feel ashamed to be white."

    I'm an expert at stab-wound fucking. You're next.

    ReplyDelete
  35. "DC doesn't actually produce anything. If the shit hits the fan, we're pretty much all in trouble. "

    It produced a few trillion dollars recently.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Scrawny 55 year-old-looking twit that claims to be 33 said:

    "Tribeca Film Festival where my first feature film is opening."

    But when he is stroking his own ego over on his own blog said:

    "I can assure you that I am in it for longer than the trailer shows...at least I hope so and that all my lines were not cut out...heh...moving on swiftly..."

    You suck. You're ugly. You obviously couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper bag. You have a hyphenated last name. When M@'s romantic aptitude was questioned, you were quick to jump to his defense. Still have a bit of his shit on your puny wanker from the last time you buggered him?

    33, looking older, blinded by anger and self-loathing at your homosexual tendencies. I pity you.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I love all these arguments about how DC is disposable. Try faking an effort to undermine the security of the city and see where it gets you. (don't try it for real though; that would be bad)

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  38. Multiple Anon Cowards:

    I'm not a brummie you twat.

    55 year old looking? Oh the jealously is causing you to overreach horribly, exposing your own self-loathing, keep it up please, you're doing all the hard work for me.

    Just becuase I make a living doing something I love and am good at, you can't hack it, please, grow up, get a coherent argument and do better research for your buile, you're failing and flailing.

    Just becuase you're a cunt, doesn't mean we all are.

    And when you've actually achevied something in life, get back to me, until then you're not fit to lick the dirt of my fucking shoes shit bag.

    xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  39. "Sometimes when I walk the streets and see all of the recent transplants it makes me want to vomit. It makes me feel ashamed to be white."

    You're fucking retarded. Seeing all the fucking black crackheads in DC makes me glad I'm not a minority because no matter how smart you are if you're black people are still always going to be somewhat wary of you. You know you've thought it and you know it is true, you self righteous fucking prick. At least transplants don't spend their lives sucking government tit, they're just sucking mommy and daddy's which is fucking fine by me because I'm not paying for it, at least.

    ReplyDelete
  40. "And when you've actually achevied something in life, get back to me, until then you're not fit to lick the dirt of my fucking shoes shit bag."So much hate. I love it.

    So being on TV years ago is an "achievement"?

    You put yourself out there in visual media, so it is fair to judge your appearance. You're ugly. You look like a slacker. You're obviously a sedentary person. You look older than you claim to be.

    Hey, let's get back to that "slacker" look you have going. Maybe you could play "Chong" in a remaking of a "Cheech & Chong" movie? You heard it here first! (Just trying to help a loser here...)

    ReplyDelete
  41. Made-up Name Anon Coward:

    Years ago? Nah, I'm on TV in the US right now nobface and who are you to pass judgement on my acting CV when you're an anon, no-mark, done nothing fucking coward; hiding behind fake names like a cunt?

    As for ugly, you're allowed your myopic, prejudiced view but don't expect me to take it all seriously when

    a) you're an anon Internet Troll Coward

    b) I have a beautiful girlfriend.

    Now go fuck yourself you fucking sad little shitbag.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Danny boy; you appear to have a serious problem with your own self-esteem.

    If you aren't going to pursue my advice regarding the Tommy Chong role in a "Cheech and Chong" remake, at least consider this:

    Prozac. You obviously need it.

    Now then; why is it that you are better than me again? Please, go on....

    Got any pics of this beautiful girlfriend? Does she want to have your baby? No? Then she's just not THAT into you. Hey, perhaps there is a role in there for you... you could play yourself; the homely rageaholic with a "D List" career who displays his low self esteem on the internet for all to see and with the girlfriend who "Just Isn't THAT Into You".

    ReplyDelete
  43. Anon Because They Are Cowards Not Because It Irks Me:

    Glad to see that you can Google, well done on that one. Clearly the pair of you or one of you being anon cowards and all so who knows, have issues.

    You hide behind fake anon identities and throw around insults, like cowards and expect me to some how have to justify myself to you by providing pcitures of my girlfriend? YEAH RIGHT! You make assumptions about things you don't know, you pass judgements that expose your own limited idea of relationships and love and think they make me look bad, when in reality, you're the ones dying here.

    You make comments about an acting career when you are clearly unemployed no-marks with no life or skills, playing on the Internet.

    Come back to me when you've a home in London, no need to work for the next year due to successful acting projects and a 12 year professional acting career.

    All I hear from you is whining and bitching, put your money where your mouth is, show yourself and your personal details and then we're on a level playing field.

    But you won't.

    You're scared.

    Poor you.

    And as for the linking evidence, my my, what a sad, bitter, myopic little creature you are.

    I know it must be hard for you having no one tolove you or care for you but try not to take out your personal horror on me.

    Now fuck off before this gets worse.

    ReplyDelete
  44. I may be an anon coward but even I can see my fellow anon people are losing.

    ReplyDelete
  45. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  46. "Now fuck off before this gets worse."

    No no, please; escalate. Make it worse. Pretty please?

    Please, tell me more about how rich, good-looking, and successful you are. Oh, I forgot; you're a tough guy too. Please tell me about how strong and powerful you are.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Danny Boy said:

    "Lots of fights, dead best friends and anger management since then. "

    LOL!

    http://danielhg.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  48. No really, Danny, does she want you to impregnate her? If not, she's not that into you. You could make a short documentary about that.

    P.S. Pick up an Intro Psych textbook and you'll see that people typically seek mates of equal attractiveness. That is why it is obvious that your "beautiful girlfriend" possesses a beauty that only you can see. Nothing wrong with that; just don't make any porn movies. Nothing worse than two unattractive people humping each other...

    ReplyDelete
  49. Anon Cowards:

    Well as you asked so nice and as you bitches are doing such a great job of making me look so good and promoting my fine work to all and sundry.

    Psst...using LOL makes you look like a child...no scratch that, you clearly are a child.

    And whoever the anon is giving relationshiop advice, ouch, you really know fuck all about women, love and relationships, I feel bad for you, really I do, you're all at sea but still, you are an anon coward, hiding behind a fake name and identity.

    Poor you, I feel sorry for you, you pathetic creature.

    And thanks again for plugging all my work, I would celebrate what you've acheived but...well, you ain't done shit in your life so, bless you, you have to try and take apart other people's and you even fail at that.

    DC is clearly fucked if you chaps are representative.

    And all because you never got enough love from your mommies.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Danny, no! We want to hear more about why you're so special!! Please don't deny us this one positive aspect of our lives.

    Again, *please* tell us more about:

    - How handsome you are
    - How talented you are
    - How smart you are
    - How strong you are
    - How rich you are
    - How beautiful your girlfriend is (did she ask you to impregnate her yet, thus tying the two of you together for the rest of your lives?)

    This is all about you, sweet-cakes. Please, go on...

    ReplyDelete
  51. Danny is representative of Europe, which is why the US had to liberate Western Europe 65 years ago. (you're welcome, danny)

    ReplyDelete
  52. Hi cunt!

    Thanks for showing all this interest in me but you're wig is slipping and you're ideas are all second hand.

    Good luck getting a fucking life.

    ReplyDelete
  53. "Live on Polish TV!"

    A picture is truly worth a thousand words! Here are a few of those words: Ugly. Slow. Deformed. Dim. Tattooed.

    Are you sure they didn't have you on there so the could gawk at you; sort of like gawking at a chimp in the zoo?

    ReplyDelete
  54. "which is why the US had to liberate Western Europe 65 years ago."

    Have you read any books twat face? Clearly not but then again, you are an American aren't you?

    Psst...did no one tell you that America didn't do it on it's own and that you had to be tricked into the war by Roosevelt because you were isolationist chickens?

    And don't start me on all the UK support for the Bush-mong conflict in Iraq and Afghanistan.

    Oh well, someone gotta show your troops how to do it bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Live on polish TV!

    A picture of good grace and humanity, unlike you, you useless bottom feeding fuck.

    Who are you again and what have you done?

    Answer?

    No one and nothing.

    ReplyDelete
  56. "Thanks for showing all this interest in me but you're wig is slipping and you're ideas are all second hand."

    Awww... now don't be a spoil-sport! This is all about you; take advantage and use this opportunity to display all of your best traits! We're waiting....

    ReplyDelete
  57. You're waiting to develop some intelligence.

    Come back to me when you've done that.

    ReplyDelete
  58. "A picture of good grace and humanity"

    Here we go; this is a good start. Please, tell us all about your "humanity". Teach us!

    ReplyDelete
  59. Waste of time with you.

    Lost cause.

    Poor you.

    ReplyDelete
  60. "Lost cause."

    Have you come to the realization that you look ridiculous? That's really why you won't spew forth any more about yourself. Correct?

    ReplyDelete
  61. Took too long.

    Too slow and juts saying my ideas and words back at me won't make you as good as me.

    Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  62. "you as good as me."

    Oh come on! I was engaged in conversation here about how much better you are than all of us.

    Don't leave! Tell us more!

    ReplyDelete
  63. Again, try harder you little failure.

    ReplyDelete
  64. This is boring and Daniel is winning.

    ReplyDelete
  65. "This is boring and Daniel is winning."

    Thanks for your opinion, Danny.

    By the way; The more Danny rants about how superior he is to people he knows nothing about; the more he is revealed as the turd he really is.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Revealed?

    You don't know how to use English, you're projecting your own petty hatred, fear and insecurity onto me.

    Jealousy is an ugly thing and right now, no one would fuck you.

    Not even your own mum.

    Take care now.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Seriously, this is boring and Daniel is winning.

    ReplyDelete
  68. No he is not!

    ReplyDelete
  69. Yes he is!

    ReplyDelete
  70. Panto DameApril 20, 2009

    And so on and so on and so on...

    ReplyDelete
  71. "Jealousy is an ugly thing and right now, no one would fuck you."

    But I have a beautiful wife whom I fucked twice this weekend! Was I hallucinating? Please tell me more about myself, Danny!

    ReplyDelete
  72. Low Self Opinion Anon Cunt FaceApril 20, 2009

    I WANT MY MOMMY!

    NO BODY LOVES ME!

    ReplyDelete
  73. Anon Pretend MommyApril 20, 2009

    I do love you my sweet angel boy now please get on with eating me out.

    ReplyDelete
  74. Anonymous' WifeApril 20, 2009

    He's lying out of his ass, the only person who gets any of his stubby useless cock is his own mother.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Anonymous' MotherApril 20, 2009

    It's true.

    Does that make me a Republican?

    ReplyDelete
  76. No, it makes you a Know-Nothing.

    Ta ra!

    ReplyDelete
  77. Ha. Daniel definitely wins this war. Daniel is renowned actor in the United Kingdom and appears on our television screens here in D.C. in one very funny commercial (advert, as they call it over there).

    All you project managers, secretaries and blue collar office automatons don't hold a candle to this bloke.

    OMG, you guys.

    ReplyDelete
  78. This is so not fair.

    I am a cunt.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Actually, my Prozac ran out last week. So I switched to cheap vodka. What's the diff? It's not like I live in Arlington!

    ReplyDelete
  80. A point of clarification;

    Daniel and I go way, way back. We were tea-bagging each other before it was trendy.

    Which makes us better than you heterosexual Anons!

    ReplyDelete
  81. Anon Coward Fuck FaceApril 20, 2009

    Sorry to break it to you fellow ano ncoward piece fo subhuman shit but copying the tactics of the DHG just looks like us anon losers have no ideas of our own.

    Big shoes to fill and we fail at this so badly.

    Oh the shame!

    ReplyDelete
  82. You're all wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Daniel "wins" my heart, any day of the week!

    ReplyDelete
  84. Anonymous' MotherApril 20, 2009

    Don't call me sexy son wrong you fucker or I'll stab you in the eyes with my talons.

    ReplyDelete
  85. YEAH! WE ARE SO COOL WE THINK THAT CALLING SOME ONE GAY AND EXPOSING OUR HOMOPHOBIA MAKES US LOOK GOOD RATHER THAN SMALL MINDED PRICKS!

    GO US!

    ReplyDelete
  86. Anonymous' WifeApril 20, 2009

    I agree but I'm not sure what with.

    ReplyDelete
  87. Anon Coward Fuck FaceApril 20, 2009

    Whatever the Jew said.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Show me the Jew and I'll kill him.

    GOD HATES FAGS AND JEWS!

    ReplyDelete
  89. "Here's some constructive criticism: it's clear you are a capable writer, and have a good grasp on the English language. However, I think your posts are worded awkwardly sometimes and are unecessarily verbose. If you have a point to make, you are better off getting to it directly and succinctly, rather than dancing around it with confusing language.You could try to find elegance in simple(but not pedestrian) writing. Just my two cents."

    --I might just be teaching a writing course soon at a college near you. El-oh-el. Listen, good constructive criticism but your example is wrong. I used the word "pedestrian" rather than simple b/c it was a pun for the content. Was walking. This bitch can't pass up a good pun. I just can't. Sorry.

    Just read this comment thread. I'm fucking dying. You guys are awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  90. Oh dear.

    You lose again.

    How embarassing for you.

    Poor soul.

    Get well soon.

    ReplyDelete
  91. Daniel--It's something in the water here that lowers the IQ....

    ReplyDelete
  92. As I was saying;

    I am perfect. You know this is true because I told you so. And M@ agrees.

    ReplyDelete
  93. I'm getting tag-teamed by DH-G and M@. Their fantasy realized; not mine!

    ReplyDelete
  94. My IQ tested out repeatedly at 162. You know this is true because I'm using my real name on this blog.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Check it out; I conclude that an anonymous stranger on the internet is homophobic; but then I anonymously post anti-semitic death threats! Wheee! I'm brilliant!

    ReplyDelete
  96. "you're projecting your own petty hatred, fear and insecurity onto me."

    Wrong. I enjoy torturing simple creatures. It means I'm psychopathic, but it doesn't mean that I'm fearful or insecure.

    ReplyDelete
  97. Anon Asshats:

    First off there are 2 n's in Hoffmann so if you are going to pretend to be me, spell it right toerags or you look even more of a fucking loser than your hissy fits.

    As for anti-semitics death threats, live by the sword, die by it. Don't bitch when people mis-use the anon facilty, when your whole attack has been mis-using the anon facility.

    ReplyDelete
  98. YEAH! I AM A PSYCHOPATH! I AM SO HARD!

    I also have no idea what torturing means, unless it's being a tedious boring ass.

    I am have no idea what simple means as I seem to be referring to a man with an MA and a very successful career.

    Oh dear.

    I am wrong.

    Again.

    ReplyDelete
  99. Anonymous AnonymousApril 20, 2009

    How fucking dare you.

    My pride is hurt.

    ReplyDelete
  100. 102+ comments of this shit.

    I'm embarrassed.

    ReplyDelete
  101. Why am I such a fucking Jew hating wife beater?

    ReplyDelete
  102. Most of these "M@" comments here are actually from "Anonymous."

    Prolly the same one who was sending me death threats? Good job, guy.

    ReplyDelete
  103. I'll repeat for the sake of emphasis:

    Do not mis-use the anon facility on this blog! Mis-use of the anon facility is grounds for a severe case of whining on my part. My friend M@ will back me up on that!

    Then, when I'm done whining, I will unleash a volley of profanity the likes of which you haven't seen since the last time you visited this blog.

    In conclusion, I will personally mis-use the anon facility on this blog, and so will my friend M@. We'll both rave about ourselves, and one of us will mention a gradute-level degree in the hopes that the city with the highest concentration of post-graduates in the United States will be impressed.

    In other words; don't mis-use the anon facility. Waaa.

    ReplyDelete
  104. But I'm better than everyone else, and chicks dig me!

    ReplyDelete
  105. Now wait a minute, laddie. (M@)

    How can you be better than everyone else when I am clearly better than everyone else. I mean; you're my bro and all. Don't get me wrong. But you are NOT better than me! Now you know, because I told you so. Check out my blog if you don't beleive me. Go on; check. I'll wait.

    You're back? Great, now you know that I am better than everyone else, including you. Hey, mistakes happen. Just don't let this mistake happen again, laddie.

    ReplyDelete
  106. Danielle Horffman-Gills is totally winning.

    ReplyDelete
  107. Comments from/about Danny dating back to 2005:

    "I sometimes wonder that you could be; or, could be related to a certain Daniel Hoffman Gill; Who too is a complete asshole and hails from England, he has the brain of a Rocking horse"

    "You know, as filthy as Dan's blog is, maybe Malcolm IS Dan. The IQ would fit either way! Nice putdown Vest!"

    "Hello Daniel Hoffman Gill. Nice to catch up with you again, you haven't changed at all, still holding on to the bitter British pommie attitude.
    I have been to your web site, getting into the gay scenario are you. "



    http://dailygaggle.blogspot.com/2005/06/australian-values-differ-from-those-of.html

    ReplyDelete
  108. Anonymous said: "In conclusion, I will personally mis-use the anon facility on this blog, and so will my friend M@. We'll both rave about ourselves, and one of us will mention a gradute-level degree in the hopes that the city with the highest concentration of post-graduates in the United States will be impressed."

    --You're impressing me w/ your perspicacity, for sure. Good job.

    ReplyDelete
  109. HA HA HA!

    Mis-spelling a name, my goodness if that is what passes for funny in your ends then you are one poor, unlucky fuck.

    Which is exactly what you are.

    As for the mis-using the facility rant, get over it bitch, I can't bothered to read all that tedious shit.

    And as for your sad efforts at web stalking, great, you knwo hwo to use Google bitch, now go look up what a cunt you are.

    Good grief, you're flagging.

    ReplyDelete
  110. No I do.

    ReplyDelete
  111. Seriously.

    ReplyDelete
  112. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  113. I wish I was an adult.

    ReplyDelete
  114. What have I acheived again?

    Oh eyad, I'm an anonymous cunt on a blog.

    ReplyDelete
  115. Something we can agree on bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  116. "knwo hwo"

    Ooo, dyslexia! Nice. You're dysfunctional in myriad ways!

    ReplyDelete
  117. Hey! Don't mock special needs when I have them.

    ReplyDelete
  118. I need a drink. I always need a drink. I drink a lot. Too much. But I have it under control. I can quit any time I want. Just not tonight.

    ReplyDelete
  119. That sounds like some Black Flag lyrics.

    You do know DHG doesn't drink to excess?

    Oh dear.

    You've made a fool of yourself and your mum again.

    ReplyDelete
  120. Black FlagApril 20, 2009

    You're kiddding right?

    As if the anon fuckface knows of Black Flag.

    ReplyDelete
  121. Rollins was a fan before he attended a show, jumped on stage, improvised, and was asked to join the band.

    Now, do you know anything about Suicidal Tendencies? Siouxse and the Banshees?

    As if knowledge of bands equates to value as a person. That's about as immature as it gets, guys.

    ReplyDelete
  122. "You do know DHG doesn't drink to excess?"

    It must be the perpetual drunken expression on his fugly mug that misleads the casual observer.

    ReplyDelete
  123. Black Flag was big when I was in college. They were touring then. We used to draw the four black bars on our notebooks.

    Sophomoric.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Now, if you've got some Dead Kennedys vinyl in your collection, you're a real man.

    ReplyDelete
  125. President BamaApril 20, 2009

    It's unfortunate that we cannot raise the level of discourse at this venerable Washington institution.

    ReplyDelete
  126. Black FlagApril 21, 2009

    Told you he knew shit, Rollins didn't improvise, he sang 'Clocked In'.

    You have to do more than Google bitch.

    "I gotta’ stand in line

    Makes me feel so fucking bored

    Boss barks orders at me

    But I can't yell back

    ‘Cause whenever I try…

    Get that son of a bitch off my back

    I have this problem every morning

    I gotta' face the clock

    Punch in, punch out, it makes me so pissed off

    One of these days I'm gonna’ smash it off the wall

    Go home!"

    ReplyDelete
  127. Saccharine TrustApril 21, 2009

    Suicidal Tendencies and Souxsie and the Banshees suck ass.

    ReplyDelete
  128. You seem to confuse drunk with handsome.

    Man, you is a jealous bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  129. President BamaApril 21, 2009

    Now we're talking!

    ReplyDelete
  130. Hello Anon Cunts:

    Wow, what a terrible collection of humans frequents here.

    I love how you get all pissy when you think someone is using music to judge you but feel free to make value judgements based on far less.

    Don't whinge just becuase you're getting it back at you, you can't handle it you faker.

    HA HA HA!

    What a pussy.

    Oh and I've got plenty of Dead Kennedy's Vinyl, including NAZI PUNKS FUCK OFF.

    Seems kinds appropriate round these parts.

    ReplyDelete
  131. Apologies.

    ReplyDelete