A Vision

In the dream, I’m recruited for a job by the Russian embassy, finding myself at a garden party one afternoon in a room alone with a handsome, steel-eyed (white) Russian named Vladimir, who tells me I am to spy for his country.

“But I love America and would never betray the kingdom,” I say.

“You will or we’ll kill you.”

Outside the room, plates and glasses crash to the floor and Sen. Ted Kennedy (D, MA) appears with his four Portuguese water dogs to spirit me away to safety.

“Nice dogs.”

“Thanks. I gave one to the president!”

Later, we stand shoulder to shoulder on the bank of the Potomac River, watching the slow-moving water.

“I can’t say I appreciate your stance on illegal aliens,” I say.

“That’s OK, son, I can’t say I appreciate your blogging,” he says, wheezing a bit. “Look, I’ve been in Washington a long time and I know what people want to hear: They want to commiserate about local underground railway service. The trains are late and overcrowded and the entire system is run by douches.

“And would it kill you to throw in some current events? A concert schedule? Train service updates?”

And then, like an old soldier, Sen. Kennedy begins to fade away.

“Senator, wait!?”

“Yes, my son?”

“Those Boston Red Sox… they’re really something, aren’t they?”


This post was ghostwritten by Liz.


  1. I wonder whatever happened to non-Badger King.

  2. "steel-eyed (white) Russian named Vladimir"

    You're trying to crimp from Marissa and yet you still manage to suck.

  3. wild dream, KENNEDY and Red Sox?

  4. The "handsome (white) Russian" actually mounted M@ in the dream.

    The details were altered here to protect the closeted.

  5. Give it up. This shit is garbage.

  6. Anon above;

    M@ got fired from his day job.

  7. Anon above;

    Your mum got fired from fucking you with her strap-on.

  8. M@.....you have to be the worst writer in this city. Maybe try next time? Just a thought.

  9. "Your mum got fired from fucking you with her strap-on."So someone states a published fact about M@, and you respond with perverted fiction. It reveals your mentality quite well.

  10. Fired or not, this. shit. sucks.

  11. Dead blog.

  12. Dead, and the lonely viewer can't supress his necrophilia.

  13. These shitty comments suck, they are dead in the water diatribes.

    Washington is full of shit writers, just look at the asshats who leave comments here.

    Published fact? In your own little mind maybe but factual is what you'll never be.

    The End.

  14. 'Published fact? In your own little mind maybe'

    Yes Danielle, because mine is the Animal Mind:

    "Personal Note: Haven't been writing too much on this blog because I've been busy trying to replace the horseshit job I lost a few weeks ago. Got a little depressed for a while. It's not even the best or highest paying job I've ever held. But it's still a loss. "

    www.animalmind.blogspot.comSidenote: A few weeks ago Mattie was writing about how contented he was with his job. Couldn't have happened to a nicer bloke, eh mate?

  15. I live in London, which proves how special I am. No one has ever lived in London before. EVER. I'm better than all of you.

  16. Danielle and Mattie think they have privacy on the Internet.

  17. It's like, my feelings might be hurt if I didn't have a few things on the pot right now. You might soon be calling me Prof. Douchebag. :)

  18. "Prof. Douchebag. :)"

    University of Phoenix is always hiring. Or is it Strayer?

  19. Douchebag? No.

    Smarmy narcissist? Yes!

  20. Anyone who doesn't own Nina Simone on vinyl is a simpering twit.

    H.R. 57 is an Act of God, bitches.

    (Go on, look it all up)

  21. If anon finds this so repugnant why does he/she/it keep coming back for more? M@ you have achieved status as the man anonymous loves to hate.

  22. There's more than one M@ hater here. Hard to accept for ugly over-middle-aged lonely women stuck in Richmond. But true nonetheless.

  23. Some of us come here for Marissa and get angry when we find M@sshole instead.

  24. Some of you are fucking retarded cunts who keep getting their asses kicked.

    Fucking divs.

  25. As you bailed on the last thread you fucking weaklings I am coming here to torment the fuck out of you.

    Whose first?

  26. First off, using the feminine version of my name might be an insult if you're a misogynistic fuck bag with poor social skills and an urge to hit women but not if you're emotionally well-balanced.

    Secondly, London is indeed great and I'm glad you like living there so much but you do know lots of people live there? Oh, you were being funny. That failed.

    Thirdly, you anon coward fucks make me laugh, you're so weak and floppy, empty posturing words written in hiding. Come on, I dare you, out yourselfs before I fuck you up in EVERY FUCKING BLOG POST HERE.

    Come on bitch.

  27. "Bailed on the last thread" ?

    "Getting their asses kicked" ?

    "I fuck you up in every blog post" ?

    Now I feel bad for toying with someone with developmental disabilities. Seriously.

    Sorry about your family. We can't pick them. Its not your fault. I hope someday you will find a productive outlet for all your negative emotions.

  28. Thanks for repeating what I said but with your mouth so full of shit it doesn't sound as good as when I say it. Seriously.

    Again, you lose.

    Now fuck off.

  29. Anonymous IIApril 27, 2009

    Hi Daniel!

    I hope you have a great day!

  30. Hi there,

    Thanks very much for the kind wishes, today should be grand no doubt.