4.12.2006

This is a Sign of the End Times

The Washington Post did a nice little one-sided piece on the death of strip clubs in Washington. I especially liked this picture on B4:

WHAT! THAT IS IMMORAL!!! MY KIDS DON'T NEED TO SEE THAT! IT'S FAMILY VALUES! WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN!?!? THAT JEZEBEL IS A BAD INFLUENCE! SHE IS PROSTITUTING HERSELF! THEY WOULD NEVER PRINT THIS IN THE WASHINGTON TIMES!!!

(That joke is a lot funnier if you read it back to yourself in a Southern accent. Or it totally bombed. I can see it going either way. Whatever.)

Anyways, a 'graph from the story really caught my eye:

To some, of course, squeezing out strip joints is a good thing. But to Fonseca [a strip club owner], Washington is losing the grit and texture that define a city. "They've built these high-end residential units for people who want the urban experience," he said. "So they go into their home and close the door and, at that point, they want to be in McLean."

This city is turning into McLean. McLean! Good God. That's the worst place on Earth. They could have said "...at that point, they want to be in Nazi Germany*," and I would say to myself "Well at least they don't want to be in McLean!"

This McLean threat is enough to make me want two crack houses in every driveway and two brothels in every pot. I want gun dealerships across the street from every school. I would rather have a DC modeled after Grand Theft Auto than a DC modeled after motherfucking McLean.

*To all my Jewish readers, Happy Passover!

38 comments:

  1. YES WE ALL KNOW DC SUCKS

    IT FUCKING SUCKS

    BUT LET ME REMIND YOU THAT DC DID NOT ALWAYS SUCK

    AS FAR AS AN EXCITING ENERGETIC URBAN EXPERIENCE IN DC YOU WILL HAVE TO GO BACK (AS RECENTLY) AS THE 1970'S AND 1980'S

    IF THERE WAS ONLY A WAY FOR ME TO ACCESS NEWS FOOTAGE FROM BACK THEN TO SHOW TO ALL OF THE FUCKING TRANSPLANTS WHO LIVE HERE NOW THAT DC WAS NOT ALWAYS A BORING PLACE BY ANY MEANS

    BUT ITS NOT JUST DC

    BOSTON, NEW YORK CITY, MIAMI, LOS ANGELES ETC... ARE NOT WHAT THEY USED TO BE EITHER

    THE PROBLEM IS ALL YOU 20 SOMETHING TRANSPLANTS THINK THAT YOU ALL KNOW EVERY GOD DAMN THING
    BUT YOU ALL DO NOT KNOW SHIT ABOUT DC

    YES EVERYTHING HAS BEEN DONE HERE ALREADY AND IT WAS DONE A HELL OF A LOT BETTER BACK IN THE DAY

    ALL THOSE OLDER PEOPLE HAVE DONE THEIR THING AND THEY HAVE MOVED ON

    NOW IT IS TIME FOR THE YOUNGER PEOPLE TO REPRESENT AND DO THEIR PART TO MAKE DC AN EXCITING CITY AGAIN BUT THEY CANT

    ^ BECAUSE IF THEY COULD, WELL THEN DC AND THE 2000'S WOULD NOT SUCK SO MUCH SHIT RIGHT NOW

    DC SUCKS?

    WELL WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU ALL GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? WHAT PART WILL YOU PLAY TO MAKE SURE THIS PLACE DOES NOT SUCK ANYMORE?

    GAY BI & TRANSGENDER DISCOS, DRAG QUEENS, REAL PUNK BANDS, SUPER BOWLS, RIOTS, PLANE CRASHES, HUNDREDS OF MURDERS WITHIN A FEW MONTHS, PRESIDENTIAL ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS, MAJOR POLITICAL SCANDALS, LEGENDARY PROTESTS, $300 A MONTH APARTMENT RENTALS ETC....

    ^ THIS CITY HAS BEEN HERE AND DONE THAT

    ALL YOU FUCKING TRANSPLANTS AND WETBACKS HAVE YOUR FUCKING WORK CUT OUT FOR YOU

    INSTEAD OF SITTING ON YOUR ASSES COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW MUCH DC SUCKS...

    DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

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  2. rusty,

    the nazi references ARE NOT OKAY. DONT EVER SAY THAT AGAIN ESPISCIALLY WITH AN "*" TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE ITS NOT A BIG DEAL. PPL who compare minor issues about strip clubs to nazi Germany just dont know what they're talking about.

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  3. Making toss-off statements about McLean and ranting about 20-something transplants are both indicative of the small-minded attitudes that makes this a second-class city. There is so much hate-your-neighbor regionalism; it wears you down, after a while. DC residents are arrogant toward all suburbanites--although without the suburbs, DC is just smaller than Charlotte, and when it comes time to talk about the homicide rate, DC residents are quick to talk about the metro population. MD people are arrogant toward Virginians, and they like to pretend that they are superior in just about every way--but politically, especially. Outside-the-Beltway Virginians make little effort to learn anything about the city, outside of the Mall, and are clueless about even fundamental DC concepts like the grid system. I would like to think that DC will one day evolve into one community with a larger vision, but I'm fairly pessimistic about that. I think it will always be a collection of small bickering jurisdictions whose residents spend an inordinate amount of time justifying their ignorance of one another.

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  4. good point annon #2. rusty you're a racist. and you'll know it when a van pulls over on the side of the road you're on, you're socked in the mouth with a roll of quarters and a splintered broomsitck is shoved so far up your ass you'll wish you were stripping at a duke lacrosse party.

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  5. Yes the O street SE club scene and the surrounding discos by the waterfront are legendary

    So are the punk bands. Real punk and not the watered downbullshit you see all over MTV now or on the cover of today's Washington Post metro section

    I remember the 1991 Mount Pleasant riots and personally witnessed the MPD retreat from their positions as the crowds grew larger and larger "lets get the hell out of here" one officer shouted towards the few remaining others left on the scene still trying to keep the peace. After that it was every man, woman and child for his or herself on the streets.

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  6. Hang on -- am I to understand you're describing riots as a GOOD thing? Hey, I find the "urban homogenization" around here as dreary and depressing as the next person. But surely there's a way to have a vibrant, interesting city that's short of martial law?

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  7. Anonymous #2, as a jew, I'm personally offended by your stupidity.

    My favorite quote from the Post is "Washington is losing the grit and texture that define a city." If naked women dancing for money and giving men erections is what defines DC, then rusty, the entire point of your blog is proven in that one retarded sentence.

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  8. Pier 9 Washington DC:
    75-85ish. Undoubtedly, the wildest disco Washington, DC ever saw. Anything went. Gay, straight, drag queens. In the beginning, they had numbered tables with telephones. You could call another table if you liked what you saw. Eventually, the tables and telephone disappeared, but only because the place was so crowded, they needed floor space. The bar was multi-level. The main floor had a curtain that mechanically extended out over the floor on which they would do a laser show. Drugs were rampant. Sex was too. In the 80's the upstairs had a slide show of provocative men's sexual antics. It was the kind of place where if you weren't tolerant of other lifestyles, well, you just weren't welcome. It was truly a disco club icon.

    Dementlieu Punk Archive:
    Washington, DC had what was perhaps the best scene in the country--creative, independent, loud and fast. I could probably write a history of harDCore, but it would be superfluous to Mark Anderson's excellent book, Dance of Days. Go buy that and Banned In DC, they cover just about everything important.

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  9. Has anyone seen how shitty Maryland drivers are???????????

    If you have MD plates, be advised that other motorists are either trying to pass your slow ass or avoid your swerving.

    That is all.

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  10. So a good city is represented by the number of gay discos, riots, and murders it has?

    Washington is populated by pretentious power wannabe turdheads and a permanent underclass defined by the rituals of gang culture. Add to that the fact that "Dixie" is just outside the Beltway, i.e., cars on the front lawn, bud light drinking in the bars, Nascar on 24-7--then you have a shitbag city no matter how many transvestites, murders or riots your heart desires, clown faces.

    Step off.

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  11. Wait, this posting is immoral? That means I probably shouldn't have brought my one-year-old to look at that picture... right? Darn, yet another nomination for Bad Parent of the Year...

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  12. Can we cease and decist with the "people from XXX don't know how to drive!!!" posts? In my expereince, no single jurisdiction in the DC Metro area has a monopoly on fucktards who can't operate their vehicles. There's idiots and assholes in MD, VA, and DC -- we all just tend to notice the ones with different license plates than our own. Interesting corrolary: anyone who tries to convince you otherwise is probably an idiot or an asshole.

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  13. Nadia and Irina, you ignorant cunts, gtfo my board. I realize its a joke I'm just sick of non-jews carelessly tossing around holocaust refrences. Its stupid and unnesessary. And Nadia, I never said Rusty was racist(jews are not a race last time I checked). And btw using fairly common words like "pluralist" and then saying "IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT A PLURALIST IS LOOK IT UP IN A DICTIONARY" is just lame and unimpressive. But I agree that DC sucks and has absolutly no personality. Only two more months till I'm gone from this shithole.

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  14. Anonymous, chill out. We're all friends here.

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  15. So a good city is represented by the number of gay discos, riots, and murders it has?

    No. That is just for those who seek the exciting energetic urban expeience.

    Dont get upset just because you are not old enough to remember any of it.

    Dont get upset just because this city was a hell of a lot more exciting before you were even here.

    You missed out.

    Deal with it.

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  16. The widening gap between the rich and the poor in this city is almost a guarantee of future riots to come.

    Yes ladies and genlemen plenty of excitement is just around the corner.

    The only difference between now and then is the property values in NW are a LOT higher now.

    DC riots are now joke either. College park disturbances aint shit compared to what is going to happen in DC if shit hits the fan again.

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  17. THE REASON DC HAS STARTED TO SUCK NOW IS BECAUSE OF GENERATION Y AND ALL OF THE FUCKING MILLENIUM GENERATION KIDS THEY JUST CANT HOLD IT DOWN THE WAY GENERATIONS BEFORE THEM DID

    YOU CAN TELL IT TOO BY THE WAY THEY ALL DRESS AND THE MUSIC THEY LISTEN TO

    IT ALL SUCKS

    THEY WOULD RATHER STEAL FROM THE PAST THEN COME UP WITH ANYTHING ORIGINAL ALL ON THEIR OWN

    THE TRUTH HURTS

    AS FAR AS A VIBRANT AND INTERESTING CITY GOES IT IS JUST NOT GOING TO HAPPEN WITH THESE FUCKTARDS

    CITIES ALL ACROSS AMERICA WILL BE LOSING THEIR EXCITEMENT AS ALL OF THE GENERATION Y ASHOLES CONTINUE TO GET OLDER AND THEIR INFLUENCE STARTS TO TAKE OVER

    BUT THERE IS SOME HOPE

    WE CAN OLY HOPE THAT THE NEXT GENERATION THAT FOLLOWS THEM CAN TAKE OVER WHERE THE BOOMERS AND GENERATION X LEFT OFF AND MAKE LIFE IN THIS CITY AND OTHER CITIES MORE EXCITING AGAIN

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  18. "You missed out.

    Deal with it."

    Every day in therapy I am a step closer to dealing with it. It's been an incredible journey and I don't know how I've managed thusfar.

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  19. oh yeah the boomers and gen x were awesome. there music was great too. the bee gees, wham, huey lewis, and phil collins really rock my work. what melody. what a message..

    in the words of dick cheney go fuck yourself all caps...

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  20. Maryland Drivers do SUCK, they definately did not learn to drive on the Mass Pike. Boston rules and there is nothing wrong with Mclean. Go, Sox! Before you comment, there is really only one, Red.

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  21. fuck generation y
    fuck transplants
    1988 was the shit
    fuck what you heard

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  22. NO

    GO AND FUCK YOURSELF YOU ASSHOLE

    YOU BITCH ASS

    YOU OBVIOUSLY DO NOT KNOW SHIT ABOUT MUSIC

    AS FAR AS SHIT MUSIC IS CONCERNED THE RATIO BETWEEN BOOMERS AND GENERATION Y IS NOT EVEN CLOSE

    GO INTO ANY MUSIC STORE AND ASK ANYBODY

    BOOMERS KNEW HOW TO ROCK

    GENERATION Y DOES NOT KNOW SHIT ABOUT KNOWING HOW TO ROCK

    ALL THEY KNOW IS EMO HOMO WHINE ROCK & WANNABE THUG WANNABE GANGSTA THUG RAP BULLSHIT YOU FUCKING DOUCHEBAG

    DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE & THE YEAH YEAH YEAH'S? GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT! THAT SHIT IS NOT ROCK IT IS GARBAGE

    OH YEAH GENERATION Y ALSO KNOWS HOW TO COPY AND IMITATE BOOMERS AS WELL

    DONT LET MTV BRAINWASH GENERATION Y INTO THINKING THAT YOU ALL ARE SPECIAL BECAUSE YOU ALL ARE NOT

    YOU ALL ARE JUST THE CURRENT TARGET MARKET DEMOGRAPHIC FOR THEM TO SELL THEIR BULLSHIT TOO

    AFTER YOU TURN 25 THEY WILL STOP GIVING A SHIT ABOUT AND MOVE ON TO THE NEXT IN LINE TARGET MARKET DEMOGRAPHIC YOU ASSHOLE

    AS FAR AS THE BEE GEES ARE CONCERNED THEY SOLD 15 MILLION COPIES PLUS OF THE SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER SOUNDTRACK ALONE

    DEATCH CAB FOR CUTIE AND THE YEAH YEAH YEAH'S AND THE REST OF YOUR BULLSHIT HOMO BANDS WOULD GIVE THEIR LEFT TESTICLE TO SELL THAT MANY

    YOU STUPID FUCKERS DO NOT EVEN BUY MUSIC AND SUPPORT YOUR WEAK ARTISTS BECAUSE YOU BITCHES DOWNLOAD AND FILE SHARE LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER

    WHEN GENERATION Y TAKES OVER THIS COUNTRY WE ARE DEFINITELY FUCKED

    YOU ARE A FUCKING DOUCHEBAG

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  23. The Recording Industry Association of America's Top-Selling Albums of All Time*

    28 Million
    Eagles: Their Greatest Hits, 1971–1975, Eagles (Elektra)


    26 Million
    Thriller, Michael Jackson (Epic)


    23 Million
    The Wall, Pink Floyd (Columbia)


    22 Million
    Led Zeppelin IV, Led Zeppelin (Swan Song)


    21 Million
    Greatest Hits, Volumes I & II, Billy Joel (Columbia)


    19 Million
    Rumours, Fleetwood Mac (Warner Bros.)

    Back in Black, AC/DC (Elektra)

    The Beatles, The Beatles (Capitol)

    Come On Over, Shania Twain (Mercury Nashville)


    17 Million
    Boston, Boston (Epic)

    The Bodyguard (soundtrack), Whitney Houston (Arista)


    16 Million
    Cracked Rear View, Hootie & the Blowfish (Atlantic)

    Greatest Hits, Elton John (Island/Mercury)

    Jagged Little Pill, Alanis Morissette (Maverick)

    The Beatles: 1967–1970, The Beatles (Capitol)

    No Fences, Garth Brooks (Capitol Nashville)

    Hotel California, Eagles (Elektra)


    15 Million
    Double Live, Garth Brooks (Capitol Nashville)

    The Beatles: 1962–1966, The Beatles (Capitol)

    Saturday Night Fever (soundtrack), Bee Gees (Polydor/Atlas)

    Dark Side of the Moon, Pink Floyd (Capitol)

    Physical Graffiti, Led Zeppelin (Swan Song)

    Appetite for Destruction, Guns 'N Roses (Geffen)

    Supernatural, Santana (Arista)

    Born in the U.S.A., Bruce Springsteen (Columbia)

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  24. I don't like DC, getting there by metro creeps me out.

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  25. Sales do not equal good music. There is a lot of great music that will never sell millions of albums. However 15 million albums sold is very impressive and should be recognized. Recognized by even the most disrespectful haters of either generation.
    But I will say this. Music is not the same anymore. They just dont make them like they used to.

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  26. DC has been just like a grand thefy auto game before. Trust me rusty you dont want that. You along wih the rest of the recent arrivals (within the past 10 years)would shit in your pants if DC were to suddenly return to those days. Dont believe me? Well do a quick google search on DC's homicide rate during the late 80's and early 90's an see for your self.

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  27. Can CAPTAIN CAPS be banned please?

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  28. 1988 was the shit, I very clearly remember rocking out to Paula Abdul on my busrides home. Oh and also my baby sitter took me to the Roe v. Wade anniversary rally though I have no memory of that. Too bad I lived here during the golden era, but was only 5 years old and couldn't enjoy it. I'm dealing with it as best I can: Step #1 Not posting anonymously.
    Step #2 Wondering if maybe the homogenization (boring-ization?) of DC has anything to do with the more conservative social trends/gentrification (which happens in tons of urban places and has been happening before anyone who is 24 now had a job)/increased awareness of AIDS/corporate influences on music. Nope, it's probably because kids born between 1977-1984 want to live here.
    Step #3 Trying to learn from the boomer generation how NOT to be self-centered.
    Step #4 Tracking down the people in this city who smoke on the streets and convining them to share with everyone who is getting really worked up about this blog.

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  29. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  30. Okay, this is just getting unbearable, now.

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  31. all caps. you are a retard.

    fuck death cab for cutie and the yeah yeah yeahs and ladytron and all that wannabe deep spoiled hipster bullshit.

    i listen to none of it.

    what you fail to grasp is that music is a form of art. and art is reflective of the society the surrounds it.

    you think simon and garfunkel were great because the society that surrounded them was one of make love not war. i think they are a pair of gaping pussies because the only thing they achieved was commercial success and a bunch of used to be hippy born again republican assholes.

    is straight outta Compton by NWA any different than strawberry fields? NO. it is social commentary on what surrounds the artist. nothing more, nothing less. any music with ANY message is not better than any other piece of music with any other message.

    It is all art produced for different consumers.

    check out mos def, common, talib kweli, the roots. that is what i listen to. They A) produce original songs with musical merit and B) have plenty to say about the society we live in(in all lowercase letters even)...

    as far as stealing from prior generations(and it isn't like there are an infinite number of melodies out there so when you hear a song that pink floyd wrote that sounds like something you heard before it is something you heard before, a Hymn) Mos says it the best and I quote
    "Elvis Presley ain't got no soul (huh)
    Chuck Berry is rock and roll (damn right)
    You may dig on the Rolling Stones
    But they ain't come up with that style on they own (uh-uh)"

    now please, seriously, go fuck yourself. done.

    ps gosh i wonder why all those records sold so much. could it be because they have existed for 20 years so people can buy them over and over again. and who loves to buy tons of records, old rich white people who can....

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  32. for the sake of comparison

    It’s been a hard day’s night,
    And I’ve been working like a dog,
    It’s been a hard day’s night,
    I should be sleeping like a log,
    But when I get home to you,
    I find the things that you do,
    Will make me feel alright.
    You know I work all day,
    To get you money to buy you things,
    And it’s worth it just to hear you say,
    You’re gonna give me ev’rything,
    So why on earth should I moan,
    ‘Cos when I get you alone,
    You know I feel okay.
    When I’m home ev’rything seems to be right,
    When I’m home feeling you holding me
    Tight, tight, yeh.
    It’s been a hard day’s night,
    And I’ve been working like a dog,
    It’s been a hard day’s night,
    I should be sleeping like a log,
    But when I get home to you,
    I find the things that you do,
    Will make me feel alright.
    You know I work all day,
    To get you money to buy you things,
    And it’s worth it just to hear you say,
    You’re gonna give me ev’rything,
    So why on earth should I moan,
    ‘Cos when I get you alone,
    You know I feel okay.
    When I’m home ev’rything seems to be right,
    When I’m home feeling you holding me
    Tight, tight, yeh.
    It’s been a hard day’s night,
    And I’ve been working like a dog,
    It’s been a hard day’s night,
    I should be sleeping like a log,
    But when I get home to you,
    I find the things that you do,
    Will make me feel alright.

    VS

    You say you never scared there's kids in other countries
    Making jerseys, jeans, and sneakers they could never wear
    Parents never there, they're busy building homes they can't afford to buy
    Cars they can't afford to drive
    Working jobs that don't support their life
    You busy screaming gangsta, gangsta all that talk is trife
    You already know you lost the fight if you don't know the cost of life
    These kids is forced to fight a war they can't outrun
    Ain't got no shoes but got a gun
    Now where the fuck he pulled that out from?
    People ask me how we wearing diamonds
    When there's little kids in Sierra Leone
    Losing arms for crying while they mining
    Probably an orphan who's momma died of AIDS
    He built a coffin working often but he never paid
    Forever slaving in the world that's forever cold
    Becoming the man of the house at 11 years old
    This reality rap, I get inside the mentality that...
    Terrorize you like a cowardly act

    [Hook]
    I got a part to play, we going hard these days
    Fuck the harder way, we doing it the smarter way
    To my god I pray, that's how I start my day
    The bullets starts to spray the revolution starts today
    I say the shit these people ain't got the heart to say
    Fuck the harder way, we doing it the smarter way
    To my god I pray, that's how I start my day
    The bullets starts to spray the revolution starts today

    I was sold to a sick European by a rich African battlin'
    Middle Passages, I can't go back again
    Battlin' years of denied history, lies and mysteries
    Wives with misty eyes watchin' their husbands be beaten viciously
    Battle in the wilderness of North America
    Run by the river, only stoppin' to pray chased by predators
    Terrorists with etiquette who vote and kill their president
    Their capacity for evil so evident and prevalent
    Ain't no hesitation involved, a nation dissolved
    While we sit back waitin' to evolve
    Those who would trade in their freedom
    For their protection deserve neither
    Not a name, not tradition
    Religion, you learn Jesus
    Turn the other cheek
    Inherit the Earth, just stay meek
    Fuck the way you speak
    Try to run, we chop off your feet
    Fast forward to 2004 we selling raw
    Yo this ain't what I'm settling for
    I want more, yo
    [Hook]

    wise. the. fuck. up.

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  33. I'm sorry, but Elvis did have soul for a time. Even Chuck D said as much about "Suspicious Minds" even though we all know about the "elvis was a hero to most" line.

    And sorry but the Stones did create their own sound in the 70s. Saying otherwise is horseshit.

    Yes, most forget that rock and roll came out of the delta by black bluesmen. However, saying that every rock and roller after is not creating anything new is shitbaggish.

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  34. i wasn't really saying they didn't create anything. I am saying that recreating something isn't a bad thing.

    if a modern artist did a remake of the mona lisa put his own style and influence into it would that not be art?

    of course it would. I just was busting ALL CAPS balls, because they are so small, and carry so little weight...

    I also get very sick of this "back in my day" mentality. back in your day nothing. Yeah Wilt and Bill Russell were great, they were also the only athletic 7 footers in the game, Shaq would own them. Ditto Jerry West and AI. The boomers love to talk about how there generation was the greatest and all those after them aren't shit just like their parents said that THEY weren't shit and the WWII generation was the best just like I am going to tell my kids that they aren't shit and their music sucks. Its all wrong and its all retarded.

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  35. Rock n' roll wasn't just about Delta bluesman. That was there, yeah, but rock n' roll was a fusion of many American musical genres--the blues, gospel, folk, swing, country, and any number of other genres introduced by African-Americans, European-Americans, & immigrants. I like Mos Def, but it's ignorant to criticize the Rolling Stones for "stealing" their music. The Rolling Stones don't sound like Chuck Berry, and Jerry Lee Lewis doesn't sound like Little Richard. And nothing that came before the Beatles (and very little since) sounds like the Beatles. You might as well dismiss Robert Johnson or Son House because they didn't invent the guitar.

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  36. Hey Rusty,
    I feel like you should post applu these rules:
    Gothamist Comment Policy

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  37. Irina, I am already on it.

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  38. I think this blog has spiraled out of control, and posting rules for what can be posted isn't going to help.

    It's just gone to the crapper, really.

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