I Get the Red Carpet Treatment Upon My Return

First and foremost, a big thank you to His Royal Highness, King Friday XIII. His work in my absence was excellent. Except of course for his claim that I promised him oral sex in return for his guest blogging duties. In actuality, I promised him beer. Perhaps he misunderstood what I meant by "frothy head"?

I got back into town Sunday at 2:45 pm. My suitcase ended up on the National Airport conveyor belt at 3:42. 57 freaking minutes of my life spent standing around uselessly. 57 minutes gone forever. This happens at National every single time. Every. Single. Time. When do they break ground on the Silver Line to Dulles? 2012? Ugh.

After I finally get my tasteful flower-print suitcase, I head up to the Metro platform. I was quite relieved to see that a Yellow Line (my preferred method of National Airport travel) train would be picking me up in three minutes. The next train, on the Blue Line, wouldn't be arriving for another eleven.

Well, we all see where this is going, don't we? That three minutes turns to two. Progress! Soon after, that two turns into nothing. A black void where a number should be. Uh-oh. A minute later, the entire train disappears. It's like it never existed. *Poof* into the ether.

I'm amazed that this stupid city had used up all that disgusting good will building inside of me for the past eight days in only an hour. It took an hour for me to remember why I hate this place so much.

At least there's that one thing I love about Washington: going to Eastern Market on a Sunday morning. After spending the last two Sundays on Cape Cod, I can't wait to go back!


  1. AnonymousMay 07, 2007

    Why do you check your bag? Just carry it on! Yo are looking for wasting your time when packing too much crap.

  2. AnonymousMay 07, 2007

    I was gone for eight days! One carry-on and my purse/attahce wouldn't cut it.


  3. AnonymousMay 07, 2007

    "tasteful flower-print suitcase" -- are you serious?

  4. AnonymousMay 07, 2007

    Yeah. It's a hand-me-down from Mom.


  5. AnonymousMay 07, 2007

    Christ. More bitching about public transportation and a wait at an airport ... such original complaints that I'm sure are completely unique to DC.

    And ou think Dulles is a better option than National? Have you ridden those shitty little shuttles?You've lost what little ability you had to form rational thoughts.

  6. AnonymousMay 07, 2007

    I haven't used a shuttle at Dulles since they renovated. At National, however, the shuttles are alive and well.


  7. AnonymousMay 08, 2007

    take the green line to greenbelt and hop on the bus to bwi. bwi fares are cheaper and it's much less crowded.

  8. AnonymousMay 08, 2007

    I just came back from several days back home on the west coast where drivers at stop signs waved me on instead of trying to mow me down, someone on public transportation actually apologized for brushing my shoulder with her bag, and food at restaurants wasn't taxed to the hilt.

    I was in such a good mood.

    Then, within an hour of landing back here, I get people giving me dirty looks because I stopped to let a blind woman get in front of me on the escalator, and a soccer mom in an SUV gunning a right turn just as I step onto the intersection. I fuckin' hate this town.

  9. if you take the metrobus to BWI, just don't leave during rush hour or you will spend more time on maryland roads than you will in the air.

    i assume the same goes for dulles, but i've only gone there at the asscrack of dawn (if not just slightly prior) so traffic was non-existant. and i took the supershuttle. which was way more expensive than a metro ride would be.

    but the metro doesnt even run at that hour, so DC loses yet again.

  10. AnonymousMay 08, 2007

    Welcome back to the swamp.


  11. I particularly hate the Airtran baggage claim portion of DCA. You have to try to guess which baggage claim your bag is on. This could go on for awhile as passangers practically scalp each other trying to keeping an eye on both carousels.

    The other part pf baggage claim in DCA I remember our entire airplane standing waiting at the carousel we had been assigned to for a half hour...slowly we realized that ALL our luggage had been deposited 5 carousels over and had been there the entire time.

    I prefer to just cab it to DCA..but I have done the BWI thing via train a couple of times(do NOT do this in the extreme Summer or during Snow or you will hate yourself for it..also do not do this at night or you could get stranded at either Union or at the train terminal in Baltimore.)

    Also did the Dulles thing. That airport smells like the 70's. It smells like dirty funky Europeans who don't bathe except once a year. The place just is foul. Not to mention inconveneient.

  12. JFpbb the IndecisiveMay 09, 2007

    Last time I flew into Dulles my bag didn't arrive for another three days. Trust me, three days is a long time to subsist on Starbucks brownies.