Last post, now with subtitles!

Self-hating sellout editorials like this make a lot more sense when you realize it's the same paper that hired one Mr. Andres Martinez.

(WaPo editorial board = condescending assholes who fear women because women are ladies with scary lady parts)

He's the editorialist who writes something really boring called, I swear, Stumped. And who has apparently been stalking a D.C. woman who somehow failed to understand how much of a "cruel whore" she was. So Martinez invented a false identity and emailed threats to her and her friends and her family for a few months.

(A guy who writes a mostly stupid, but also wonkish and horribly boring column, acted so stabby that his former girlfriend finally took out a restraining order on him)

The sickest part is that his resume made me so jealous. In D.C., being a prestigious SENIOR fellow with three degrees from three separate top schools (two ivies and Stanford!) is like if you were - to put it in real world terms - say, a starlet who stole Brad from Angie and then dumped him for George.

Oh wait. That's not the real world either. Dammit. *

(If this guy were poor and lived in the Midwest, he'd have to report this "incident" on every application for Denny's. But this is D.C. and he's one of our stars).

Anyway. Everyone I know wants to be this guy - maybe minus the impending civil suit. Although now his career is as blown as... oh... I don't know... Bill O'Reilly's? We all know getting caught being a bizarro asshole could completely destroy your credibility in this town. **

(No one cares if you are mean to women, as long as you don't cheat on your wife).

Given his enthusiasm and talent for playing the victim, I suspect he'll be fine. Wounded but courageous in the face of this harpy's unaccountable refusal to continue sleeping with him, he'll carry on as a card-carrying member of the ruling class.

(And no one cares if you have a restraining order against you, as long as you went to at least one Ivy).

How much do you want to bet that the Post editorial page eventually, probably quite soon in fact, runs something like, "Why are women so dumb and MEAN that I have to PUNISH THEM?" (But it won't be sexist because they'll get a girl to write it).

(So. Yeah. WaPo editorial board = condescending assholes who fear women because women are ladies with scary lady parts)


  1. What the deuce happened to the blog layout? BORING!!

    A criticism. You haven't had enough of those have you? Well, this will be constructive and not include the word "douche bag." Except there.

    Sometimes, your unconventional (self-indulgent?) writing style makes for very difficult reading. So much of my energy is spent just trying to follow your stream of consciousness as it jumps back and forth between past and present, main concept and sidebar. In the end, if it's too hard to figure out what the hell you're actually bitching about, I stop caring. Such is the case with this post.

  2. ... and I just realized this is the same as the previous post. For some reason, I thought you meant it was YOUR "last post," and thinking to myself, that was fairly self-evident. I mean, of course it's your last post, at least, until you post something else.

    Anyway, I remember trying to read it before and giving up. It's even more confusing now.

  3. I've gotta confess, I'm stymied by this one too. Is this some kind of avant-garde thing? I'm really not a hater, generally, I'm trying to remain optimistic about your reign, Liz, but uh... subtitles? That just basically reiterate exactly what you'd said before? What, because before it was too opaque to understand? It was in a different language? I'm confounded.

  4. I didn't think it was possible, but you just made that post even more unreadable.

  5. I am completely convinced that this is some sort of meta-blog now.

    No one can be this intentionally shitty without some sort of learning disability.

  6. I think the problem with many of these posts is what appears to be Liz's deep personal conflicts about DC and the people who live in it. She hates that people consider ivies as a signifier of personal value, yet really wishes SHE had gone to an ivy. She hates that some people have "prestigious" positions writing for the Post, etc., but also wishes SHE were in that position. This makes me wonder how old Liz is. I've found hating DC to be a much easier and more fun activity once I realized that none of the shit people care about here matters. When I see that someone went to an ivy league school, I don't slink off grumbling, "they're better than meee!" I usually just think, "wow, someone had rich parents." When I see someone with a storied journalism career like Mr. Martinez, I think, "wonder how he swung those gigs?" or, "this guy must be pretty good at his job, or at least lucky and well-connected." If you really came here to "change the world," why the crap are you wasting so much time worrying about your relative prestige compared to the other schmucks living here? How about getting started on that world-changing bit?

    And on the title of the column, Stumped, yeah, it's a corny political pun, but it's a political column in the Washington Post for crying out loud, what else did you possibly expect? Yes, in DC, people are political nerds, and the DC paper is going to be written by and cater to political nerds. So what? If you want to be around cool people, do what I'm doing and devote most of your energies to looking for a job outside of DC. I want to see what hating it from afar is like. This is my dream.

  7. Liz,

    I am doing some research for a research project on the blog community. Can you help me out by answering a few quick questions? Thanks

    1) What was your mothers daily alcohol consumption during her 2nd and 3rd trimesters?
    2) Were paint chips a large portion of your diet growing up?
    3) Take your hand and put it on the back of your head. Do you feel any soft spots?

    Thanks for the help. I'll be sure to report back once I have concluded my research.

  8. Oh, for Pete's sake.
    Liz, I thought your last post was perfectly clear, and the Flesch-Kincaid scale puts it at a fourth grade reading level. People whined anyway. I thought your rewrite with explanations was hilarious.

    And Jamie, she explained way back when she changed the layout that it was the only way she could make the archives work, which was another thing people had been whining about.

    It's funny, one of the things that used to drive me nuts about DC was that people were unwilling to just admit when they didn't get something for fear of looking dumb.

    I am beginning to wish we had just a little more of that around these parts.

  9. LSW,

    On my personal douche scale, you reach a level 4 douche. CONGRATS

  10. Okay, well I missed that. Anyway, I don't know the technicalities involved here, but it's just not the same to me without that hideous blue sidebar, the streetsign, and the completely mangled comment view.

    I am the first to admit I don't get something, but I'm not an idiot. Sure, I could figure out what the hell she's talking about if I took the time, but really. This is supposed to be entertainment, not a reading comprehension test. Just because it's theoretically possible to understand her obtuse point, doesn't mean it's good writing.

    And judging by the number of people saying "what the...?" to these posts, we might be on to something.

  11. Level four out of how many? If that's out of 10, I have work to do.

  12. Liz is bitter about the DC culture. There are plenty of reasons to hate DC. Incompetant management, tools of the Earth, general LNS shit.

    Liz actually seems to hate the entire idea of DC. As if she is somehow superior by saying that she hates people talking politics in a city devoted to it. If this blog were why I hate Northern Canada, I'm sure all we would get is bitching about the snow.

    So Liz, I'm sorry your career is at a standstill and those LA's you fucked while you were an intern didn't get you the jobs you hoped for.

    But really, you are sounding silly at this point.

  13. "So, yeah." is not much of a rhetorical device.

  14. "Incompetant management, tools of the Earth, general LNS shit."

    I'm so tired of the "Write my whines PLEASE bitch..." posts. To me these complaints come off as,

    1) "I hate having to wait for anything because god forbid a huge city have a bureaucracy that requires more than a blink of my time for ANYTHING."

    2) "Everyone ELSE is just such an ASS. I don't know where these people get off thinking they matter..."

    3) "LNS heh. Heh. Yeah. I just hate those guys..." When, in fact, the LNS members are merely a particular representation of the same kind of jerk who trolls. I mean, if you're thinking, "Yeah I just hate those LNS guys and I'm going to write a long rant about a stupid blog and yell at a blogger because she didn't write what I wanted and that means she SUCKS..." then maybe it's a Biblical speck, beam situation, right?

  15. 1. DC is not a huge city
    2. You are taking the criticism WAY to personally. So you found out most of your readers read at a 4th grade level. So what? Pat yourself in the back for being smarter and mak a choice: either write coherently about what people actually want to read about AND get to the point OR don't-just risk losing readers, which I am sure has already happened.

  16. Andres, give it a rest. Go back to trolling MediaBistro.

    I may owe you dinner, Liz. No word yet on a "break." When does his column come out, Friday?

  17. "And judging by the number of people saying "what the...?" to these posts, we might be on to something."

    Not every single person who reads this blog leaves comment. Perhaps it's because they're content. Reading your back-n-forth argument-comments is awesome and sad at the same time. Hilarious yet pathetic.

  18. Uh, I had no trouble following the updated version. Perhaps I was aided by my all-powerful lady parts.

    In addition, I thought this was a nice snark on DC. We hardly have a corner on sexism, but the sort of "mine is bigger than yours" mentality that leads a lot of people to politics, and the hypocritical sexual conservatism that is necessary to stay in politics, means DC has a seriously screwed-up culture toward women.

    Though to be equal opportunity, poverty and lack of education aren't known to help that sort of thing either.

  19. "Not every single person who reads this blog leaves comment. Perhaps it's because they're content. "

    My first comment.
    You're wrong.

  20. Maybe you guys actually love D.C., and just secretly can't stand Liz's hatred of it.

  21. DC is to be hated for certain reasons.

    Trust me, if you move from Devil's Asshole, Kansas to DC and then bitch about it being filled with politics, you are either a retard or a complete failure.

    I'm still trying to figure out which Liz is. I'm sure if Liz moved to Paris and took over "Why I hate Paris" it wouldn't have much to do with Paris. She'd bitch about everyone speaking French.

  22. Be honest Liz, this was your blog too wasn't it?


  23. Whoever just posted that blog about "street harassment" made my day. So if you walk all over NE DC black men yell at you on the street? STOP THE PRESSES! What a crazy bitch.

  24. DC does suck, that it does.
    Soon the crowd that made it suck for 8 years will leave town, and another crowd bent on making DC suck for another 4 or 8 years will take its place.

  25. Hmmmmmm... Not sure what this means, but I checked the "Stumped" column today. I'm scrolling through, thinking, "This is not at all bad. I was way too hard on this guy... Good thing I have absolutely no journalistic standards or I may have to admit it somewhere..."

    I get to the end and turns out it was written by someone called "Marisa Katz." Who may also have a private school education, but is highly unlikely to be a dude.

    Did they actually take the column away from a super-prestigious stalker and give it to a WOMAN?And will she be required to write something mean about other women in return for her position? (Yes I mean you Maureen Dowd). Or does this represent some sort of, "Sorry we were so mean to you girls," olive branch?

    Guess I'm stumped :) But I hope they let her stay.

  26. Liz, what date was the Marisa Katz one? Looks like the one this week was by Martinez, unless I'm missing something.

    What's your beef with Dowd? I write mean stuff about women all the time ...

    By the way, you will have to come here for the dinner. ;) I don't get out much anymore.