Memo to Apple: Georgetown just isn't that into you

OK, this is a nice, juicy, things we can all hate about DC topic. The "Old Georgetown Board" has yet again (for the fourth time) rejected Apple's design for it's store on Wisconsin Avenue. The fact that #1 ANYONE CARES ABOUT THIS and #2 Apple has presented them with four different designs makes this whole thing even more unbelievable.

Personally, I could really care less if the District has an Apple store. I have a 3-year old iMac at home, and used to own a Powerbook when I was in college. The Powerbook eventually fell completely apart (the screen broke off the hinges) and a new Apple laptop is so ridicuously expensive compared to a PC, it's not even funny. And who am I kidding? I don't need a laptop. I have no business being able to blog from Jolt 'N Bolt. But even more importantly, if I ever did want to visit an Apple store, I'd ride on the Metro to the one in Pentagon City. Or the one in Bethesda. Or the other one in Bethesda.

But anyways, the two main discussions I see about this are "OMG GEORGETOWN IS STUPID" and "WHY CAN'T MY NEIGHBORHOOD ___________ GET AN APPLE STORE."

I especially loved the discussion over at DCist, where someone referred to Georgetown as being full of asshats. Here was a reaction by "TX2DC," which at first thought was a sarcastic response.

As a resident of Georgetown, I take offense to your assertion that we’re all “asshats” over here. First off, the “asshats” you refer to are mostly tourists and suburban riff-raff that infiltrate our neighborhood – that is hardly our fault. Obviously there is something to the neighborhood or people wouldn’t flock to it. Additionally, Georgetown is one of the most exclusive, and expensive, neighborhoods in DC for a reason. Perhaps you’re jealous? Secondly, why the hell would Apple put their store in Logan Circle? For starters your neighborhood borders Shaw – so taking into account the spillover crime, I doubt Logan is upscale enough. Besides, what the hell does Logan have in it? Answer is, simply, not a lot. A friggin Whole Foods (or is that DuPont)? A few crappy restaurants? No Parking? There’s a reason there is nothing in your crappy neighborhood – not upscale and no infrastructure to support it. Lastly, I have no doubt you, like everyone else, loves to hate on Georgetown yet still comes over regularly to enjoy our bars and cuisine. So you can quit hating on Gtown, hater. Clearly there’s at least one real “asshat” in Logan.

I really, really, really thought this comment was snark. But it wasn't. And then there was a nice back and forth about Logan versus Georgetown versus WHO CARES.

Apple paid $13 million for a building they are going to demolish and then replace with a new one (that looks old, but not old). They want their fancy futuristic looking spaceship store, and Georgetown doesn't like that. But Georgetown wants an Apple Store. God, really, I love that this dominates the local blogosphere for days on end whenever a new design (which is the same as a previous design, essentially) gets rejected. It's like that pathetic kid who keeps asking the hot girl out, and keeps getting rejected. But she doesn't want to be too mean, so she doesn't outright say no. Sell the building (at a loss, I'm sure, but maybe they could get a Dippin' Dots to move in), and build your monument to luxury computing somewhere else, maybe Penn Quarter.

I'm obviously contributing even further to this nonsense, but I'll say that I think there's asshats in Logan just as much as there are asshats in Georgetown. I'll even one up it and say there are asshats everywhere in the city, even though I don't believe asshat is a real word.

God. Happy Friday.


  1. The real ASSHATS are all of the suburban transplants from other states who moved to my city so that they can be more hip and more urban.

    I wish a nice kick and elbow to your face courtesy of my DC public school students.

    Transplant SCUM!

    Go the fuck back to where you came from!

  2. Anonymous, I've missed your comments lately. I had gone too long without the hip wanna be urban transplant scum comments!

  3. The local yocal guy is precious, I agree. He doesn't realize that there are many transplants who don't think D.C. is that hip at all. I'm starting to think Albany, New York is hipper. OK, I exaggerate. But still.

  4. If those georgetown asshats could unscrunch their panties for a minute, they'd see this for the awesome gag opportunity that it is. Let Apple build the store and then LAUGH MERCILESSLY when it utterly fails, like most other business will this year, especially ones who's visionary irreplaceable CEO is about to retire or possibly die.

    Then, they can buy the spaceship back from Apple for pennies on the dollar and open a Fendi boutique, which is what they really want.

  5. you're deranged....apple makes the best computers...hands down. i like you and your posts. but this is a black and white issue. no matter, survival of the fittest will eliminate pcs one day.

  6. Juila, I'm not arguing with that. I am saying they are more expensive, and the older tibooks didn't last very long (I know many people whose screens broke as well).

    I think it's just laughable the way everyone gets up in arms about needing to have an apple store. Gosh, just buy the stuff online and have it shipped to you.

  7. Ha ha ha!!!! How's that working out for you so far? Still not quite back up to the incredible 4% market share they had in 2001...

  8. This was a very Rusty-esque post. Well done, sir. Well done.

  9. Obviously not every transplant is going to think that DC is hip.

    I do not buy the part about not wanting to be urban though.

    DC has not been truly urban in a long time.

    If DC does make a return to being urban though it will come at the cost of all of the out of towner, suburban, wanna be urban transplants.

    Your I-PODS, Your LAPTOPS, Your WALLETS, Your PURSES, Your CASH will have to be given up in exchange for your personal safety.

    Being robbed will continue to become sort of a rite of passage for those choosing to relocate to an urban environment.

    Dont expect for the police to come running to your rescue either.

    Back at the police stations they all joke and laugh at the transplant's ignorance of what to do and what NOT to do when living in an urban environment.

  10. By cash, you mean maxed out Visa and Mastercards.

  11. There are asshats in Logan and Georgetown.

    In Georgetown they are pretentious about it.

    Logan, they're more passive-aggressive.

  12. This blog kinda sucks now.

  13. "Maxed out Visa and Mastercards" can be taken care of with a quick phone call to mommy and daddy back home in the midwest.

  14. I dunno anon, what about when Junior learns mommy and daddy paid for everything with 2nd and 3rd mortgages which are now in the toilet?

    i think you mean phone calls to mommy and daddy back in the northeast.

  15. I will Google Street View any hood in DC.
    Northeast. Southeast. Northwest. Southwest.
    PG County too.
    Dont matter.
    I AINT SCARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  16. Your police stations are populated by obese illiterate PG commuters, as I'm sure you're well aware. Very urbane, those police stations and their habitu├ęs. Little 'fraidy Miss Anonymous knows who I'm talking about.

  17. ^ Yeah but those obese illiterate PG commuters are the very first people you pick up your pricey I-PHONE to call when you see a group of NATIVE young black males approaching your direction from the opposite side of the sidewalk.

  18. And the firefighters all drive in from Charles County.

    The worst are the meter maids. Those people are from somewhere really ghetto.

    Like, Atlanta.

  19. We should've cut georgetown off when they rejected a metro station

  20. At this point that Georgetown architecture board should submit to Apple what they will accept, take it or leave it. It's just a pissing contest now, between two groups who are overestimating their importance.

    And Georgetown never rejected a Metro station, that's a myth. A Metro station there was never in the plans.

  21. Going to DC to be more hip is like going to a restaurant to be more anorexic.

  22. Funny thing about Georgetown: It used to have a nightlife and shopping. Now it just has the Pottery Barn.

    @MarybinDC: When they started planning Metro back in the early 1970s my Mom worked for the zoning commission. Her job was to read and send form letters back to all the NIMBYs who didn't want the subway (yes, they did resident surveys back then when Metro pretended to care) because it would "bring a bad element" (read: black people) into their precious neighborhood.

    Thirty-five years later the business owners in Georgetown bitch and moan because no one in their right mind goes down there and all the bars worth a shit have disappeared because - shock of shocks - it's not accessible by public transpo and there's no place to park.

    Enjoy your isolation, Georgetown. I'll take the subway home from the bar.

  23. "When they started planning Metro back in the early 1970s my Mom worked for the zoning commission."

    Your mom worked for me then, and she's working for me now. She's paying me for the privilege of working for me, by the way.

  24. best as i can tell there were some people in georgetown who were concerned about transit bringing crime, but that had nothing to do with the metro not having a stop there. the station (proposed location m & wisconsin) would have to be very deep and would have been too expensive to construct.

    they have talked about revisiting that location, but never seriously, i believe it might still be in WMATA's 30 year plan.

  25. There are 2 subway stations nearby.


    Thats right. Walk you motherfuckers. Walk.

  26. @Anon ...abso-fucking-lutely. You REALLY need to go to Georgetown that badly, then walk the 10 minutes from either of those fine Metro stations. Or if you're too damn lazy even for a short stroll, just take the fucking 30-series from Wisconsin & M to Washington Circle, ya bastards.

  27. or the circulator.

    but that's right, the people complaining about georgetown not having metro access don't live east of georgetown. they live in arlington, falls church, or ward 3.

  28. "But even more importantly, if I ever did want to visit an Apple store, I'd ride on the Metro to the one in Pentagon City. Or the one in Bethesda. Or the other one in Bethesda."

    dude, you're not a real DC person if you think that...don't you know billions of retail dollars are flowing out of dc every year?? there's enough apple store demand in dc to warrant a store and it would bring in so much business. why does md or va need dc's business?

  29. This whole scene isn't even about DC or Apple. It's about the whole rotten country. Fact is.. we once had a 'forward looking' outlook on life & this country. Now we are in the grips of greedy dark-ager capitalists. All they want is to keep Americans dumbed down & backwards. In modern design.. (as we once embraced) there is very little gauche tackiness in which to garner extra $$$ while providing -0- as far as the building is concerned. All the ugly, gaudy.. dark-age gargoyle & cornice crap.. is worse than worthless. It merely jacks up the profits.

    These so-called 'preservation' groups around the country.. they have quietly slithered into almost every city & town. It wasn't always like this. What an effing dump America is..!!