Trashiest. Fans. Ever.

Apparently, Maryland beat Duke yesterday to win the ACC basketball title. And, as we all know, the only appropriate celebration of Maryland's athletic accomplishments is to booze up and riot. Congratulations, Maryland, on likening yourselves to West Virginia.

Actually, it wasn't that bad compared to the past. Just some bonfires lit, and street signs torn down, and people jumping on cars. But hearing these trashy Maryland fans attempt to justify their actions to the press is still the best part. Twenty years from now, I want these kids to Google themselves, find these quotes, and say, "My God. I was stupid back then."

"I've never been to a riot before, and I wanted to get in on the action," said Oba Opesanmi, a freshman wearing only gym shorts and socks who had just posed triumphantly in front of the line of stern-faced police officers. "We killed Duke."

Somebody ship this kid off to Haiti. Please.

"My parents went through this kind of thing with protests of Vietnam," said Jason Zarro, a sophomore computer science major. "Even though this is not of the same magnitude, it will be part of my history."

I have so many issues with this statement, I don't know where to begin. What bothers me more? Is it the fact that this douche thinks that protesting Vietnam is akin to boozy college kids celebrating a basketball win? Is it that he thinks that following the alpha-male herd mentality of destruction is one of the most important moments in his life? Is it that his generation has its own pointless Asian war-slash-quagmire that he could be protesting, instead of ripping up town in the name of a basketball win?

Kids, this is for your own good: you're both uber-retarded.

Here are some more classic quotes:

"We were just following people," said Lydia Morrison, a freshman general business and management major. "I'm just embarrassed for the SWAT team because nobody paid any attention to them."

[...]

"I was like, 'Wow, that's a van. I gotta jump on it,'" said sophomore journalism major Clyde Ireland.

[...]

Margarita Morales, an accountant in the university's Office of the Comptroller, snapped photos of her 8-year-old son, Ricardo, in front of the phalanx of riot police armed with nightsticks and pellet guns.

"We are always with Maryland. We love the Terrapin team," she said. "When we won the championship [in 2002] we came down to the street. I'm used to it because I'm from Colombia, and that's how we celebrate the games."

[...]

The crowd booed Prince George's County firefighters and yelled "Assholes!" as the firefighters extinguished one of the two major bonfires in the middle of Route 1.

[...]

Kyle Klapac, 17, a city resident who said he goes to an area private school and lives on Harvard Road, ran to Route 1 with several friends after the game.

"It's fun. We're joining the crowd," he said.

Klapac's friend, Lisa McAllister, 16, a junior at Our Lady of Good Counsel High School in Wheaton, said she was in the city during the 2002 championship riots.

"There were more fires last time," she said.

McAllister and Klapac said city damage didn't seem to be much of a problem.

"I don't care," McAllister said. "It can be fixed."

"We don't pay for it," Klapac said.

Ah, fantastic. I believe the children are our future.

P.S. Go Yellow Jackets.